Oh Charlie Sheen, How Awesome You’ve Become…

My feelings on TWO AND A HALF MEN are no secret – I hate it. Or should I say – hated it.

However, I have a confession to make, I think I love Charlie Sheen now. Over the last 2 weeks he has done numerous interviews in which he has let us know he is the Baddest Mother F**ker on the planet.

“I’m an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordinance to the ground.”

“The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”

“I’m not bi-polar, I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”

“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

“I’m tired of pretending I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”

“People can’t figure me out, they can’t process me, I don’t expect them to. You can’t process me with the normal brain.”

“[A.A.] was written for normal people, people that aren’t special. People that don’t have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA.”

“I think I’m worth over a 100 BILLION dollars, but that’s just on a cellular level.”

Well amidst all this sheer awesome-ness, Sheen found time to take a break from praising himself and attack TWO AND A HALF MEN creator Chuck Lorre. (tell me this isn’t the worst fricking resume ever)

“I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists.”

WINNING!!! But wait, there’s more…

“Everybody thinks I should be begging for my job back, and I’m just forewarn them, that it’s everybody else that’s gonna be begging me for their job back,” he said. “I’m a man of my word. So I will finish the TV show, I’ll even do season 10, but at this point, because of psychological distress, oh my god, it’s three mill an episode. Take it or leave it.”

When asked by the interviewer if Sheen, who currently rakes in about $2 million an episode, was genuinely demanding another six figures a week, the actor confirmed it.

“Well, yeah, look what they put me through. I’m underpaid right now, sure. If you look at the money they’re making, yeah, it’s ridiculous. I’m tired of pretending that I’m not special.”

So following his demand for a raise?

March 7th, 2011 – WARNER BROTHERS FIRES CHARLIE SHEEN! You can read the full letter HERE. If you don’t want to read the full 11 pages, there is a summary below…

From TMZ:

[box_light] In the 11-page letter, obtained from sources connected to Charlie, Warner Bros. states, “Your client has been engaged in dangerously self-destructive conduct and appears to be very ill.”

The letter then goes on to describe Charlie’s hijinks, including trashing the Plaza Hotel in NYC, coke binges, on-set failures because of drug fatigue, and diatribes against “Two and a Half Men” creator Chuck Lorre.

The letter also notes that Charlie derailed production when he went into rehab, and then he fired his sobriety coach. In fact, Warner Bros. claims it was so concerned about Charlie’s well-being, “Warner Bros. had an airplane waiting” to take him to a treatment facility … but Charlie would have none of it.

As for why Charlie got fired, the letter says there is a clause in his contract saying they can fire a performer who commits “a felony offense involving moral turpitude.”

The letter says, “There is ample evidence supporting Warner Bros. reasonable good faith opinion that Mr. Sheen has committed felony offenses involving moral turpitude (including but not limited to furnishing of cocaine to others as part of the self-destructive lifestyle he has described publicly) that have ‘interfere[d] with his ability to fully and completely render all material services required’ under the agreement.”

In short, that’s why Charlie was fired.

Charlie’s lawyer, Marty Singer, has demanded Warner Bros. pay Charlie for the eight canceled episodes — or else. Warner Bros. seems undaunted by the threat, even reserving its right to take legal action against Charlie. [/box_light]

WOW. Thank you Charlie, you’ve truly done a service for the quality of Television.

Web Credits
Warming Glow: Meme Watch: Charlie Sheen Quotes
Warming Glow: Finally: Gregory Brothers Auto-Tune Charlie Sheen
Charlie is Winning: Quotes
Q’s link on Facebook to ‘This is 50’ – Warner Brothers FIRES Sheen
E! Online – Sheen Demands Raise