WWE Monday Night Raw Review – April 11th 2011

After what seemed like a long wait between Raws, tonight’s broadcast started off with John Cena’s moronic diatribe about how big his match against the Rock will be next year. Seriously John, I’ve already forgot about it because it’s a whole freakin’ year away, so let’s move on. And move on we do as Randy Orton enters the arena and gets in the ring, stating that someone who actually won their Wrestlemania match should get the next shot at the Miz. Orton is in turn interrupted by the idiotically named Prince of Parkour John Morrison. This guy is the last one I would want to see as a champion or even getting a title shot. Seriously, half the time he doesn’t even land his specialty move, but they just move on like nothing happened. This carries on for a few minutes as Dolph Zigler and R Truth both also come out to plead their case until the anonymous general manager computer chimes in. He or she states that a 5 man gauntlent match will determine who faces the Miz at Extreme Rules. (The next pay per view)

Before the commercial break we are told Edge has a big announcement, with rumors abound that his career is over. I kind of doubt it. Also we get to see Jack Swagger vs Lawler again, for the third time. If Lawler wins, he gets a piece of Michael Cole (again!) and if not he doesn’t. It would almost be worth seeing Lawler lose so the whole Michael Cole feud is over because I’m a little wore out from it.

When we return from commercial break there’s a strange promo with some crazy broad with an unseen face flicking the head off of a doll. Maybe it was Cole’s mom or something. Anyways, our first match in returning from commercial is Brie Bella vs Eve for the Divas Championship. Eve has the referee mark Brie’s hand so they can’t pull any of their switcheroo shit. Unfortunately through some distraction, Brie face plants Eve and pins her, effectively winning the Diva’s belt.

I’m not sure which one is Brie, but who cares right?

The next match is the Raw debut (first match) of new talent Sin Cara. It’s a refreshing change to see a new guy facing a jobber like Primo instead of all the usual guys fighting in the same matches week after week. And Sin Cara did not disappoint, because this guy has some crazy ass gravity defying moves going on. One didn’t work the first time but he nailed it the second try and it was so sweet it made you forget about the first one. I’m now eagerly awaiting Sheamus to attempt taking revenge.

After another commercial break we are treated to the Corre bickering with one another until Santino comes out with a group of superstars that he calls the Apple. Get it? Applecore? Yeah I can’t stand Santino either. Everyone in close proximity to him becomes as much of a joke as he is. Plus he looked completely fricking stoned, lord knows he has a terribly hard job being such a week to week turd. His group is made up of Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry and Evan Bourne. After a match that is already started before returning from commercial, we actually get to see Santino kind of wrestle against Heath Slater but unfortunately the horribly named Apple falls to the Corre. How ironic…. or stupid.

Even this guy’s action figure sucks at life…

After what seems like the twelfth commercial we are right into the Lawler-Swagger match. I don’t know what is going on for this episode of Raw but it seems like there are microphones placed all around the ring because we are treated to hearing the repeated droning of Michael Cole the entire match. And he repeats everything about four or five times. It was so annoying I had to mute the tv for the majority of the match. At the end in a gratifying moment, Jim Ross yanks Cole down from the ring apron and as Swagger goes to help him Lawler pins him for the three count. Lawler then makes his stipulation to Michael Cole, stating it will be a tag team match with Swagger whom Cole had just slapped for losing the match. So at Extreme Rules it will be Lawler and Swagger v.s. Cole and someone of his choice. Paint me not excited  either way.

And now to Edge. My previous assumption was completely wrong as Edge did indeed announce that he is retiring due to his injuries and advice from his doctors. Even though I was never a huge fan of Edge it is too bad to see him go. He was one of the most popular superstars around at this point and it will be interesting to see who is able to fill the void left by him. I salute Edge for his years he put into the WWE for the fans.

Without further adieu the 5 man gauntlent match begins. It starts off with Randy Orton and Dolph Zigler. Randy Orton seems to have it wrapped up but before he can execute his RKO, members of the New Nexus interfere and Orton loses with a quick pin from behind by Zigler. Orton is then beat down by the Nexus members and they once again prove how badass they are by beating someone three on one.

R Truth is the next contestant and he handily beats Zigler, so it’s bring on the next guy – John Morrison. It’s seeming more and more like we are going to see a Cena/Miz rematch unless Raw actually shows some originality. Not suprisingly, Morrison misses his lame Starship whatever move and R Truth takes him out and has to face John Cena. As the match progresses, I can’t really decide who I want to win. I’ve never been impressed with R Truth and his rapper persona, but I definitely don’t want to see a Cena/Miz rematch. I have to agree with Miz when he says that the people chanting “let’s go Cena” are pretty much five year olds and girls while the “Cena Sucks” chanters are everyone else with half a brain. As the match goes back and forth it appears Cena will win the Miz and Alex Reiley jump in and beat them both up resulting in a double disqualification. Miz did this because he didn’t appreciate the “you can’t see me” gesture directed at him. Afterwards the GM announces that the Extreme Rules pay per view championship match will now be a triple threat match between Cena, R Truth and Miz. I guess that’s better than another Cena and Miz crapfest. Let us know what you all think in the comments section!