Our 3rd episode, Something Like Murder, kicks off with a noise in the dark. A frightened wife awakens her husband to investigate, and that’s just what his does. Retrieving his trusty pistol he marches defiantly into his back yard to find a woman digging a large hole. He cryptically asks: “Mind telling me who your digging this grave for?”
and in a complete shock to no one, he quickly receives an answer…
“Why you honey.” That’s the last thing he hears before his own wife bashes his skull in with a shovel. Fat lot of good that gun did bro…
This is when Lilith shows up to kick things off officially. As she informs us about the smell of murder, we get to see a body buried in a back yard. After the intro, and in classic Noir fashion, we now get to move backwards as the words ONE WEEK EARLIER appear on-screen. As the clock rewinds we open in Charles Mckendrick’s (Ian Gregory – Leprechaun 3) office and the notice that his wife has arrived. This is when we get my favorite Lilith cameo to date, as Chuck’s secretary ‘Lilly’ pops up from under the desk to fix her dress…
Mckendrick’s wife Darla had stopped by for lunch only to learn her husband is headed out-of-town for the week. She complains of neck pain and blames the stress, to which he discredits. After all, she’s a trophy wife who doesn’t even need to put out seeing as her husband is banging the secretary – how stressful can that life be? Anyhow, she is angry (or bitchy) enough to flat-out ignore the cleaning lady’s “Hello”. That’s pretty rude.
When she gets home she calls for a professional to handle the stress in her neck. At the 5:04 mark her hot female masseuse Beth shows up. 40 seconds later we have nudity, and from there till the 13:23 mark…
What was apparently was the best massage of all time transformed 2 seemingly straight women into super horny lesbians who rub boobs and made out for the next 6 days. This torrid affair quickly then turns to suggestions of murder so the 2 can stay together and keep Chuck’s money. SURPRISE!
Flashback to present. Charles is dead and about to be buried…
Next thing we know is that Darla is asleep and wakes up with a gun in her face. It’s Beth’s boyfriend Howard and he is all part of the plan. His job is to help stage a kidnapping of Charles (who is already dead) and then collect the ransom money for themselves. So Howard is to beat and tie up Darla so she appears to be a victim. Darla however wants to take it a step further and make it look like rape as well, so she demands Howard DO her. This leads to more awesome gratuitous sex, which obviously turns into a 3-way and eventually Dalra get hit, bound, and gaged. She is found by the maid in the morning, and then questioned by the police after…
Anyhow, Darla fools the cops and makes the cash drop with a fake bag. This should mean a cool $10 million for her, Beth, and Howard. Problem is though, Beth figures she’d be better off with all the money. Probably doesn’t want to cause Darla the kind of stress that those lottery winners talk about. Yeah, I’m sure that’s it. What Beth wasn’t counting on however was poor dimwitted Howard showing up. You see, apparently Darla was the only Mckendrick that Beth was sleeping with – she had also been knocking boots with Charles. And while Howie didn’t seem to mind the girl on girl, he took offense to the idea of his lady friend nailing an old rich dude on the side.
This results in Howard saving Darla from the double-crossing Beth by putting a bullet in his girlfriend, ultimately leading to his own execution by the recently dubbed Widow Mckendrick. No one wants to share I guess…
You’d think this to be the happy ending for Darla, but you’d be wrong. Beth, still alive shoots Darla so all 3 of them lay dying, while the cleaning lady that was so rudely ignored earlier on, snags the bag of cash and makes off with it. SWEET JUSTICE! Way to go blue-collar!
Despite the largest amount of nudity from any episode yet, this one I actually felt was a little weak. Weird, it’s almost as if gratuitous amounts of boobs in fact DON’T guarantee a strong result. My mind is blown. I give this one a 2 out of 5. Don’t get me wrong though, despite some of the low grades I actually quite enjoy the show…
I figure your owed at least one picture of Darla and Beth together…
Grizzly Bomb 
Kind of feel like I’m being judged by somebody every time I watch an episode. It’s like I’m always looking over my shoulder, trying not to get caught. This is my first ‘Skin-o-Max’ experience as it isn’t readily available in Canada, so I’m quite amazed by this whole show. That is all.
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Tanit Phoenix is amazing, I watch this show just for her. The makers of the series should start giving her a bigger part, not just as the host. She really needs her own show. I would tune in to watch Tanit any day of the week. So beautiful.
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