As Raw begins, Triple H comes out to the ring in his cheesy suite and announces that for the CM Punk vs. John Cena match at summer slam there will be a special guest referee. He goes on to say that a match of that magnitude needs a ref that is larger than life, and can take control of such a contest. After building the anticipation for a couple of minutes, you can almost hear a collective sigh of disappointment from the crowd as Triple H tells everybody that he will be the special guest referee.
John Cena comes out and without a microphone, you can hear him and Triple H exchange words about Triple H’s decision for Summer slam. Cena (along with everybody else) clearly isn’t happy about this idea.
John Cena vs. Jack Swagger
Jack Swagger begins the match doing his stupid little airplane run around the ring before John Cena levels him right in the middle of it. Cena has steady control in the match and gets a close pin fall against Swagger. Swagger begins to get a little bit of offense going, but not long before Cena counters. I’ve said it before, but I really think that Jack Swagger has been a bit of a waste of talent in the WWE. I think he could really draw some attention and be an entertaining main event caliber wrestler. Oh and as soon as my fingers type this, John Cena hits the FU (oh I’m sorry we’re now TV-PG, the “attitude adjustment”). John Cena gets the win.
When we come back from the commercial break, we are treated to an extra long piss break. Alberto Del Rio is in the back talking smack. R-Truth is in the back talking about why he hates spiders. Ladies and gentlemen, insert next commercial break here!
As Mysterio is walking out to the ring to face the Miz, Miz attacks Rey from behind. (Oh yeah, he’s stompin a good ole fashioned mudhole in Rey Mysterio. This ones looking like a helluva slobber knocker. (Sorry with JR back, I get a bit excited)). As Rey Mysterio lays there, we all do the basic math here and assume that the match is going to be called off. The Miz walks down to the ring and Miz begins saying that he attacked Rey to give him some attention.
He then says he is demanding that a ref comes down to the ring and announces Miz as the winner of the match based on forfeit. A ref comes to the ring but tells ring announcer that Triple H has demanded that Miz compete in a new match. Just then we hear Kofi Kingston’s music hit. Now We have dun dun dun…….
Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz
The match begins as a pretty back and forth contest, however, it is Miz that begins gaining the momentum. Kingston does a pretty sweet dive over the second rope, landing right into the Miz. Raw cuts to a commercial break, when it returns the Miz is in control. This has actually been incredibly boring for a Kofi Kingston match. Kingston starts battling back and does an impressive cross body from the top turnbuckle. Fast forward a couple of minutes and Miz hits his stupid face plant move, and beats Kingston. WWE can’t let any true talent get ahead now can they?
Alberto Del Rio. CM Punk
(Yes the excessively large photo of Alberto Del Rio was absolutely necessary there). The match starts with Alberto Del Rio targeting the left arm of CM Punk. CM Punk only lets this go on for a few minutes before he begins dominating Del Rio. CM Punk lands a devastating head kick, and then follows with the GTS to get the pin fall win.
Beth Phoenix vs. Eve
As the match starts, Beth Phoenix in all of her manliness is beating up Eve. Beth Phoenix is kind of reminding me of Chyna (Without the steroids though). Just like every other women’s match, this one doesn’t last very long. Beth Phoenix hits the “glam slam,” and gets the three count. As Beth Phoenix is running her mouth after the match, Kelly Kelly comes running out and knocks her down from behind. Michael Cole begins freaking out about this, saying that Kelly Kelly sets a bad example as women’s champion.
All I know is that the only Women wrestler’s they’re ever going to show consistently on Raw is the women’s champion, and if Beth Phoenix wins the title Sunday and I have to stare at her ugly ass every Monday Night, I’m going to be pissed.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Alex Riley
Wow, and I’m actually really excited for this match. Two wrestlers who I feel have great potential to be fantastic wrestlers. The match starts and after two minutes, Vicki slaps Alex Riley, and the match is over with a disqualification.
My frustration tonight is growing by the minute. Once they have a half way decent match going, it of course has to end in less than five minutes. After Dolph confronts Vicki about this, she walks out of the ring saying that she doesn’t need this anymore.
Ps– It does not look like Vicki is wearing a bra tonight, and I just puked a little in my mouth.
R-truth vs. John Morrison
R-Truth really needs an actual entrance song. As the match gets going John Morrison does a really sweet dive over the top rope onto R-Truth. However, it soon becomes R-Truth that takes control, and gets the pin fall win. If this sounded like a boring over view of a match, it’s because it was a very boring match.
Contract Signing for the Summer Slam main event.
Triple H is standing in the ring with John Laurinaitis, and CM Punk makes his way out to the ring, quickly followed by John Cena. (The crowd is incredibly unenthusiastic about pretty much everything tonight). CM Punk then begins saying that a contract signing is stupid because they are never entertaining. CM Punk then says that he has an actor that is going to tell John Cena why Punk doesn’t like John Cena. Then Punk plays a clip of the Rock making fun of John Cena for being a fake. After a bit of trash talking back and forth between the two, this contract signing turns into a debate about who is phonier, John Cena or CM Punk. John Cena’s final diss of the night, comes when he says that if CM Punk doesn’t win on Sunday then he will have been nothing more than a one hit wonder. The two stand face to face, and poor John Lauranaitis who is standing in the ring with Triple H as well, gets kicked in the head by CM Punk.
(Poor Johnny Ace)
After a few shoves, CM Punk gets knocked out of the ring inadvertently. After getting pushed out of the ring, Punk looks back at Cena and Hunter and yells out, “Is this the way it’s going to be (Or something like that)?” Clearly insinuating that they are teaming up against Punk for Summer slam.
I’d have to say Raw was extremely lackluster tonight. Not a whole lot of action, and what could have been the best match of the night was ended by Vicki Guerrero slapping Alex Riley in the face. Hopefully this is the end of the Vicki/Dolph Ziggler alliance, but who knows. Summer slam is Sunday on Pay-Per View at 8 PM Eastern time.
Also important to note that Rey Mysterio is set to face whoever wins the undisputed title at Summer slam next Monday, for that title.