‘Akira’ Testing for the Role of Tetsuo

Sigh. Gamma Squad‘s got the latest on casting for Warner Bros.’s Akira project and boy oh boy, there’s no getting away from how bad an idea this movie is. To recap, Garret Hedlund (Tron: Legacy) is still the probable choice for the role of Kaneda, Helena Bonham-Carter and Gary Oldman (both from Harry Potter) have been offered roles as Lady Miyako and Colonel Shikishima, and Kristen Stewart (Twilight) has been offered the role of Kei, who you can expect will have her character thrillingly revitalized as a bored white girl with no discernible personality.

She can hardly contain her excitement…

Here’s some more exciting news, if you think ‘exciting’ means crapping on things that exist: Kaneda and Tetsuo are now brothers! Betcha didn’t see that coming. Now this conflicted relationship between old friends decaying into resentment and hate is replaced with…sibling rivalry, I guess? Cool?

Speaking of Tetsuo, Warner Bros. is now screen-testing 8 actors for the role of the best-friend-turned-psychic-monster, though none of the listed actors look to me like they can pull off being in a cyber-punk biker gang:

From Left to right: (Top) DJ Cotrona (Detroit 187), Logan Marshal Green (Devil), Toby Kebbell (Rock n’ Rolla), Richard Madden (Game of Thrones). (Bottom) Rami Malek (Twilight: Breaking Dawn—Part 2), Michael Pitt (Boardwalk Empire), Paul Dano (Cowboys & Aliens), Alden Ehrenreich (Tetro)

I suppose of all of the candidates, the only actors I’m familiar with are Richard Madden, Paul Dano and Michael Pitt. I really enjoy Game of Thrones and am a fan of Paul Dano, however, so I think by default my go-to is Michael Pitt. He’s great on Boardwalk Empire, but I don’t have a vested interest in it, so I don’t mind seeing him tarnished by this tripe.

To be fair I shouldn’t be this cynical without having seen the finished product, but in my defense, WHAT THE HELL, HOLLYWOOD??