‘Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters’…Yes, I’m Serious

It seems as if Hansel & Gretel is yet another fairy tale to be bastardized by Hollywood, or is it? Earlier this year, a film entitled Snow White & the Huntsman was announced. It stars Kristen Stewart in the title role, and is a “re-imagining” of the story. In the original fairy tale, Snow White was to be taken to the Queen by a Huntsman, but in a nifty turn of events, the Huntsman actually becomes a “bodyguard” of sorts to Snow White and trains her to defeat the Queen. Where will the dwarves be? God, I really can’t wait to find out.

Regardless of my fetish for fighting dwarfs, Snow White & the Huntsman is another film in the long line of “Bad Career Choices for Stars of Twilight.” First it was Taylor Lautner in the dung-hole known as Abduction, and now this. An abomination to end all future fairy tale abominations.

Compared to that though, what’s the deal with Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. No one in their right mind would finance this, but I shouldn’t say that so confidently (see: Year One, Van Helsing, and Superman IV: the Quest for Peace). Upon doing some more research, I discovered that it is in fact a satire of sorts, produced by Gary Sanchez productions, the collaborative effort of Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, as well as being directed by Tommy Wirkola, the half-man, half-genius behind the best Nazi-Zombie film ever made, Dead Snow. My sigh of relief was beginning to commence, especially when I learned that Jeremy Renner would be starring, until I read that Famke Janssen only took the role to pay off her mortgage.

The film itself follows our two favorite victims, Hansel & Gretel. It’s been 15 years since their “incident” involving a gingerbread house, and they’ve turned to the business of being bounty hunters, going after and killing witches all around the world.

The screenplay, which was penned by newcomer Dante Harper, didn’t really make me feel as nervous as it should. Take a look at Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil, for instance. An absolutely hilarious film that was written and directed by two first time filmmakers.

Honestly there are so many details and so much news coverage that’s going to either make me really want to see this movie, or boycott it, but until we see the trailer that’s being released on Thursday, we can’t make any judgments. All I’m asking is that we don’t have another repeat of Your Highness.

Oh, and Gemma Arterton will play Gretel…

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