Michael Bay’s ‘Ninja Turtles’ – 1, Nostalgic 20-Somethings – 0?

Michael Bay really does have a way to entice the masses in two separate ways. He has either pulled in several hundred millions of dollars and packed the theaters with his visual style, or he has enraged a fanboy base that asks for their childhood to not be destroyed in a sweeping camera move. As much of a giant douche bag that he is, the guy is a great visual artist and moviemaker that knows exactly how to draw people in and make them ‘Ooo’ and ‘Awe’ despite the fact he has no clue how to do a stationary camera shot. His next conquest/debate maker? The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Or actually, just Ninja Turtles. Because he’s changing the name. And the origin. And your childhood memory. Why can he do this? Because he’s the producer dammit and bathes in Victoria’s Secret model’s tears.

“He can do what now?”

Filmdrunk reports that Michael Bay took to the Nickelode0n upfronts to announce his intentions of the series. Guess what? They did not originate in the sewers and mutate. They are from space. Outer space. And they will be, and I quote from the Bay himself, “tough, edgy, funny and completely lovable.” That noise you hear is the sound of several fan boys dropping to their knees and letting out a classic Darth Vader “NOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Oh yeah, since they will not be originating in the sewers due to radioactive ooze, they are not Teenage Mutants neither. It’s just Ninja Turtles. Imagine how that reaction went with everyone. Michael Bay, has responded with a chill dude, telling fans to calm down because this will work out. I guess I agree somewhat with the chill thing but at the same time, it’s like, hey, this is destroying my memories because you think you have a better grip on the movie going masses. Of course people will be up in arms. The same people up in arms that Hunger Games was missing details from the book. Or that Harry Potter moved crap around in the movies and not in the books. We can’t please everyone I guess. Besides, Michael Bay knows what he’s doing. Now excuse me, I’m going to watch the Bad Boys II scene in the morgue with the gratuitous naked cadaver that was so essential to the story.