When I first heard that Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters was actually, like, a thing, I wasn’t as angered as I could have been because I heard that Adam McKay and Will Ferrell were producing. Awesome, a satire using classic fairytale characters as the protagonists, I’m in. Now, after seeing the trailer…I’m not sure.
The first thing that struck me as odd was the fact that the name Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, or Gary Sanchez Productions was nowhere near this thing, leading me to believe it’s a bit of a marketing ploy to get the asses in the seats. Something similar to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Second, despite Jeremy Renner’s participation in this film, this really does look like the worst thing ever put to film, and I’m not even joking. Every moment this went on was a moment I wanted to die. Seeing Famke Janssen shooting a giant machine gun as a vampire; cool in theory, not so much in practice.
According to the Wikipedia synopsis:
Catching up with Hansel (Renner) and Gretel (Arterton) 15 years after the traumatic incident involving a gingerbread house, the siblings have evolved into vengeful bounty hunters dedicated to exterminating witches. Over the years, the siblings became expert hunters, famous for their proficiency at tracking and taking down their prey. Although still recovering from their ordeal, their work is relatively easy as for an unknown reason harmful spells and curses do not work well against them.
The Mayor of Augsburg recruits them to rid the town and nearby forests of an evil sorceress (Janssen) who is planning to sacrifice many local children at the witches’ gathering during the upcoming ‘Blood Moon’ night in two days time. To make things worse, the duo also has to deal with the brutal Sheriff Berringer (Stormare) who has taken power in Augsburg and conducts a very indiscriminate witch-hunt of his own.
Well..that just sounds awful, now doesn’t it?
Seriously, though, my advice? Watch a good movie. Any other good movie will do.
Check out the trailer below, I guess…
Grizzly Bomb 