THIS IS NOT an iPhone 5 Review

Hike up your glasses and pick your favorite case everybody! The iPhone 5 is almost here – Apple fans have already been rejoicing for months now and I definitely wanted to be in on this new product because it seems that news about the iPhone 5 is everywhere. So now it’s time for me to review this news-maker. Will it meet the hype that dedicated Apple fans have created over it, or will it fail to deliver?

Wrong kind of ‘deliver’

First of all, the bigger screen is pretty impressive. The first time I held the phone and looked at the screen I could have sworn I was looking at a netbook instead of a phone. Apparently, people want our phone screens to keep getting bigger like our TV screens have and Apple definitely delivered on this aspect. I tested out the screen’s size by pulling up a picture of a pizza (because I was really hungry at the time) and I could have picked the entire thing right off the screen, it was so real and life-sized. I was shocked. How awesome would it be if the next iPhone could be even bigger and I could look up even bigger food items, like a foot-long Subway sandwich?

Huge iPhone
I can’t wait until they’re this size!

I’m also pretty stoked about the new charger for the iPhone 5, a cable called the Lightning. The connector is really small and fits perfectly into the small spot allotted for it on the new, slimmer iPhone 5. I think Apple was trying to go along with the whole diet mentality because everything about the Lightning seemed based on smaller proportions to produce greater effects in the end, except for the screen of course. Not a bad strategy if you ask me. I read that apparently a lot of Apple products are going to start using this charging cable, which is pretty awesome that I’ll get to throw away my perfectly good iPod to buy a whole new one just so it will be compatible with the new charger.

Clear iPhone 5
I wish mine looked like this.

A few final notes about the iPhone should be covered before I wrap this up. I simply adore the fact that the iPhone 5 has faster memory and therefore functions a lot faster. Now I don’t have to wait the excruciating 1 second for a website or app to load anymore – it only takes half of a second now! Holy crap, how did I ever deal with dial-up? Also, the lighter weight means that I don’t have to lug around the stupidly heavy iPhone 4S in my purse anymore. The difference in weight between the previous iPhone and the new one is like an elephant to a mouse, which is WONDERFUL for my shoulders to deal with now. Sure, I guess nothing else much has changed besides what I already mentioned, in addition to the new operating system, the iOS6, and an improved camera. But really, it’s the newest and greatest from Apple, and that is good enough reason for me to own it.

But I guess now would be a good time to let you know that I’m not one of those “lucky” writers in the tech industry who was able to get their hands on an iPhone 5 for review. In fact, I’ve never owned any iPhone, or any other smartphone, for that matter. My review was based on me imagining that I was an Apple addict who shells out money for everything my beloved company produces because I must remain a part of their cult. So I hope this article at least entertained you, because there’s no way I’d ever actually want to review an iPhone 5 for real. For as long as I can, I’d like to avoid people telling me that I’m becoming a follower of Apple-ology, Apple-anity, or any other way you want to describe the worship of all things Apple.

One thought on “THIS IS NOT an iPhone 5 Review”

  1. In fact, I’ve never owned any iPhone, or any other smartphone, for that matter, to own an iPhone is a important and benificial thing as any other device. Thanks for this great post.


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