Star Trek Into Darkness – 2 AM Text Review

My buddy Aaron is a bartender for a certain movie theater here in Michigan, and on occasion, the theater will have advanced employee screenings for movies prior to the films release. This is his STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS Review as he delivered to my phone Wednesday morning…

Aaron: It’s been 47 years and they still haven’t fixed the grammatical error of, “to boldly go.” What the hell bro?!  – 2:17

Aaron: Anyway, still torturing grammar sticklers with split infinitives is about the only thing wrong with Star Trek: Into Darkness.  – 2:18

Aaron: This was one of my top 3 most anticipated movies of the summer, so I had high expectations. One of my top three already flopped so I was really hopeful  that the USS Enterprise would fair a lot better than Stark Enterprise.  – 2:21

Aaron: 2 hours of amazement. It really looks like the crew knew what made the 2009 Star Trek a success and stuck to the formula. Great visuals, great acting, great script. It’s all there.  – 2:23

Aaron: As a person who has said repeatedly said “3D movies are pointless” finally we get one that is worth a damn. It was a nice touch, but still optional.  – 2:26

Aaron: But I promise you, at one point in the beginning, everyone in the theater will jump in their seats thanks to the 3D.  – 2:27

Aaron: Brand new adventure. No need to see the first to understand the second movie. I think this movie is the 4th in a row with a 0 Boob count (what’s going on here?!?!) but a nice glimpse of a dressed down Alice Eve is a great consolation prize.  – 2:30

Aaron: So go see it. Then go see it. Then go see it again. Whatever rating you gave the first movie, you’ll give the second. So for me, 5 out of 5. That’s an order. Kirk out.  – 2:32

 

 

Iron Man 3 – 2 AM Text Review

My buddy Aaron is a bartender for a certain movie theater here in Michigan, and on occasion, the theater will have advanced employee screenings for movies the Wednesday night prior to the films release. This is his IRON MAN 3 Review as he delivered to my phone this morning…

Aaron: TONNNNYYYY!!!1  – 2:35 am

Aaron: 1) There’s no reason to see this movie in 3D. Not a single one. If anything, it only gives you a massive headache to deal with later.   – 2:36 am

Aaron: 2) Boob count: 0. What’d you expect?  – 2:37 am

Aaron: 3) I think the question was, is the movie building off of the avengers, or iron man 2? There are more mentions of the avengers by far so marvel is definitely building to that.   – 2:38 am

Aaron: 4) of course with everyone reprising their roles, the acting was on point. That’s about as surprising as the boob count being 0.   – 2:40 am

Aaron: 5) honestly, id give it a 3.5 out of 5. Lower than I hoped, but I’m not saying it’s garbage or a terrible ending to the trilogy. Still had the action, still had the explosive ending, still had the comedic effect of Stark’s ego and one liners. But in an effort to not spoil it, mostly of all it went too much of a feel good and got predictable. And not in a “i know the iron man story line like the back of my hand” kind of way.   – 2:46 am

Aaron: 6) as usual stay till the end to find out “Tony Stark will return.”   – 2:48 am

Aaron: 7) as for my picture, I’m not sure how I look on red and yellow. Might have to hook me up with the red, white and Blue. HOLLA!   – 2:50 am

Red, white, and Blue? Why make a picture like that when I already have this real picture of you right here?

Dredd 3D – 2 AM Text Review

My buddy Aaron is a bartender for a certain movie theater here in Michigan, and on occasion, the theater will have advanced employee screenings for movies the Wednesday night prior to the film’s release. These are his thoughts on DREDD…

Aaron: First of all, a drug that makes your brain thinks its moving at 1% of natural times gives a movie a chance for some pretty impressive camera work. – 1:40 AM

Aaron: Add in the fact that it’s 3D, even if it is just ok, makes it even more impressive. – 1:41 AM

Aaron: Great action, great acting by the leads (Urban, Thirlby, and Hedley), ehhhh acting by everyone else. – 1:43 AM

Aaron: Plot took some convincing with some of the attributes of the significant roles. I guess if it’s set in the future we’re supposed to believe anything. – 1:46 AM

Aaron: Go see see it. I’ll give it 4 out of 5 Dredds Boob count: kinda 2…? It was blurry and in the background and real quick. Coulda used some slo-mo. – 1:53 AM

Aaron: Now hook me up with a picture of me in a Dredd helmet! Halloween is coming and I need some motivation.  – 1:53 AM

The Expendables 2 – 2 AM Text Review

My buddy Aaron is a bartender for a certain movie theater here in Michigan, and on occasion, the theater will have advanced screenings for movies the Wednesday night prior to the film’s release. Well early this Thursday morning I got a few texts from my good friend about his thoughts on Stallone’s newest epic one-liner fest…

Aaron: It’s 2am and I just saw expendables 2 so you gotta wake up!  – 2:21 AM

Aaron: I’d hate to insult the definition of plot by saying this movie had one. It’s more like, simple reasons we’re about to kill these guys. – 2:22 AM

Aaron: That being said, it was the prefect kind of movie for a cheesy ass script.  – 2:22 AM

Aaron: Rambo, Die Hard, Terminator, even Chuck Norris jokes. Lots of action, average acting, some pretty good humor. – 2:24 AM

Aaron: Boob count: Zero. But I’ll give an award to Walker Texas Ranger for having the best kill.  – 2:25 AM

Aaron: 3.5 Grizzlies out of 5. Is that the scale? I don’t know. I’m tired. Leave me alone. Go to sleep. – 2:28 AM

For more of Aaron’s 2 AM Reviews – CLICK HERE!

The Campaign – 2 AM Text Review

My buddy Aaron is a bartender for a certain movie theater here in Michigan, and on occasion, the theater will have advanced employee screenings for movies a couple nights prior to the film’s release. These are his thoughts on The Campaign…

Aaron: The campaign is simply Will Ferrell being Will Ferrell. its an act we’ve come to know and love from Talladega Nights, Semi-Pro and Step Brothers. – 1:44 AM

Aaron: If you like Will Ferrell, you’ll like this. If not, you won’t Plain and simple.  – 1:48 AM

Aaron: And Zach G did well replacing John C Reilly. Worth the price of admission if you have time on your hands. – 1:49 AM

Aaron: Boob count: nip slips count, so 1.  – 1:50 AM

The Amazing Spider-Man – 2 AM Text Review

Ted – 2 AM Text Review

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – 2 AM Text Review

The Amazing Spider Man – 2 AM Text Review

My buddy Aaron is a bartender for a certain movie theater here in Michigan, and on occasion, the theater will have advanced employee screenings for movies a couple nights prior to the film’s release. These are his thoughts on The Amazing Spider Man…

Aaron: Watching spiderman was like watching the drunkest guy at the bar hit on the hottest waitress at the bar at the end of the night. – 3:08 AM

Aaron: It’s actually pretty entertaining, there’s a lot of misguided effort, but some how, you find yourself rooting for the guy because he’s trying so  – 3:10 AM

Aaron: hard. – 3:10 AM

Aaron: And more than likely, he’ll try again next week. So, yeah, Im definitely lookin forward to the sequal.  – 3:12 AM

 Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – 2 AM Text Review

Ted – 2 AM Text Review