WWE Monday Night Raw Recap & Review: August 22, 2011

Raw begins with Alberto Del Rio, getting ready to bore us to death at the start of the show. He of course comes out in one of those borrowed cars, what a piece of trash. After his dragged out entrance he finally grabs a mic and before he even does his lame introduction he is quickly interrupted by John Cena, who gets a standing ovation. Cena grabs a mic and introduces himself as the man who is going to take that belt from him. He goes on to say that CM Punk is the only person who can go toe to toe with him, so whipping Del Rio’s ass won’t be a problem. And just as this leaves his mouth CM Punk’s music hits, and he gets an equally loud ovation. CM Punk says that if anybody is going to get a title shot it’s going to be him. Both Cena and Punk say that they are going to cash in their rematch clause to face Del Rio. Triple H then comes out, I like the suit tonight though. Triple H says that tonight there will be a number one contendership match between CM Punk and Cena in the main event of the show.

Commercial Break…

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrison

Morrison begins by throwing a few punches and knocking Del Rio to the outside of the ring. Once back in, Del Rio begins gaining some offense. I can’t be the only one who thinks that Del Rio is an absolute joke of a champion. Heres my thing, when the WWE champion is only entertaining enough to be the first match on Raw, there’s a problem. He has a boring personality and  it would be awful for ratings to keep Del Rio as champion after “Night of Champions.”Back to the match, Morrison and Del Rio are on the outside of the ring, and Del Rio shoves Morrison into the barricade before Raw cuts to a commercial break.

After the break, Morrison is getting destroyed. However, as wrestling goes, John Morrison begins to retaliate and begins fighting back into this. Actually, hats off to both these wrestlers, this is turning into a pretty good match. Morrison is still in control, and going for “star ship pain” but misses it and soon finds himself in an arm bar which he taps out to. Actually a great match, and after the match Del Rio begins attacking Morrison just for good measure.
Commercial Break…

Nicki Bella vs. Eve Torres

This  cat fight begins with Nicki throwing some punches and pulling some hair. Eve begins fighting back and I believe we have broken 2 minutes, which is the longest Divas match I’ve seen on Raw in the last couple months. Nicki and Eve go at it for a couple more minutes before Eve Torres wins the match.

After the match Kelly Kelly, who was in the corner of Eve, comes in the face plants the other Bella for no apparent reason.

Commercial Break…

Jack Swagger vs. Alex Riley

Vicki Guerrero comes out and introduces Jack Swagger, who we saw last week approach Vicki about managing him. As the match begins, Dolph Ziggler comes out and begins arguing with Vicki and in the process distracts Jack Swagger. After the distraction Alex Riley rolls up Swagger into the three count.

Boring match, and once again the WWE refuses to use Alex Riley to the extent that they probably could.

Commercial Break…

After the break, Triple H comes out to supposedly clear up what happened at SummerSlam. Triple H calls out Kevin Nash so they can explain everything to the crowd. Kevin Nash walks out to no music.

Triple H then goes on to say that it wasn’t him that sent that text, and Nash says that he will not apologize to CM Punk. Punk then comes out and says that his bet is that Stephanie McMahon sent the text message. Just when CM Punk is about to Go after Nash, Triple H holds him back. CM Punk goes on to tell Triple H that he’s got his balls stuck in his wifes purse. Just as this happens, Nash attacks Punk from the side, and Triple H and Nash hurry out of the ring together.

Commercial Break

Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne vs. David Otunga and Michael Mcgillicutty

McGillicutty and Bourne start the match and Evan Bourne is beating up McGillicuty. I really think that Bourne and Kingston would be an awesome tag team championship team. Both have an extremely unique wrestling style, and I’m agreeing with everything that Jerry Lawler is saying right now. Otunga and McGillicutty are not entertaining wrestlers, they make piss poor champions and they show nothing unique about their personalities and wrestling styles. Back to the match, after an incredible performance by both Kingston and Bourne, Bourne hits his back flip off of the top rope to get the pinfall win for the tag team titles. I’m absolutely thrilled, and can’t wait to see these two wrestle as a tag team more often!

Backstage, John Laurinaitis runs up to HHH and tells him that Kevin Nash has been in a car accident. His poor acting is almost uncomfortable to watch. He then gives Hunter the name of the hospital and HHH takes off to see if he is ok. Laurinaitis says that he’ll take care of the rest of the night.

My guess is that Kevin Nash had triple H notified of a car accident just to get him out of the arena so he can get involved in the main event and not have Triple H stop him. We shall see what goes down in about 30 minutes.

Commercial Break…

And here comes grizzly bomb writer Darthsaeris’s favorite wrestler in the world, Santino Marella! As he is coming out to the ring, R-Truth and the Miz attack Santino from behind, thank God we don’t have to see him actually compete in a match. R-Truth grabs a mic and begins talking about how Cena, Punk, Stephanie McMahon, Triple H, are all conspiring against him and Miz. The Miz and his stupid hair cut begin talking about how he agrees with R-Truth. Miz begins rambling and his words really aren’t worth typing, so I’ll just have you all know he is wasting everyone’s time.

Commercial Break

CM Punk vs. John Cena (#1 Contender-ship match)

Alberto Del Rio and John Laurinaitis are both at ring side, LAME! Side note: I happen to love that CM Punk yells out, “It’s clobbering Time,” before he runs down to the ring. The fact that there is still 20 minutes left in the night, is a definite indicator that were going have a full match! The match starts with a lock up, and John Cena is the first to gain momentum. Lawler begins saying how he doesn’t believe CM Punk is that good, and the “idiotic statement of the night award” goes to the guy with the plastic crown. Punk begins fighting back, but not long before Cena knocks Punk off the top turnbuckle and to the outside of the ring. And we have a commercial break. When Raw returns, we see a back and forth battle and Cena gets Punk in the STFU, Punk doesn’t tap. Immediately after we see CM Punk hit Cena with a “Go to Sleep,” and Cena kicks out. Punk then goes to the top rope and misses an elbow drop, which Cena rolls out of the way from. Both men are laying face first in the middle of the ring. As both men get to their feet, Punk hits Cena with a knee to the face, and Cena hits Punk with an attitude adjustment, but neither move ends the match.  Oh and I’m right on the money with my prediction, Nash is back and CM punk is distracted by this. When he turns back around Cena hits him with the “attitude adjustment” again and pins Punk for the win.

After the match Alberto runs in the ring and attacks John Cena. The show ends with this, and yet again we have many unanswered questions.

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WWE Monday Night Raw Recap & Review: July 25th, 2011

Tonight’s episode of Raw is scheduled to start with the WWE championship match, however something about starting the night with a title match doesn’t seem quite right, so I’m sure we can expect some surprises in this one.

And HERE WE GO…….

The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio (WWE title on the line)

As Raw begins Rey Mysterio’s music  hits and he comes out to the ring, head butting all the little kids with masks on in the front row as usual. It’s pretty sad that I’ll be disappointed if either one of these two clowns wins the WWE championship. The match begins with a few lock ups but nothing too exciting to start the bout. Once the match gets started the Miz begins taking control, and Michael Cole is loving everything about the Miz like usual. Raw cuts to a commercial break but when it comes back on the air we see the Miz go for a pinfall but doesn’t get the three count. Mysterio begins to gain some momentum but not before Miz counters and gets another close pinfall. I will admit the intensity inside the arena is pretty awesome, it is definitely way louder than usual. Mysterio hits the 619 and gets the pinfall victory to win the WWE championship!

After the match the Miz attacks Mysterio from behind, and as soon as he is done, Alberto Del Rio comes out with his money in the bank  suitcase. However before he could get the match to start Rey Mysterio hit Alberto with a cross body from the top rope.

Commercial Break…

When Raw returns we see Rey celebrating in the back with the rest of WWE locker room and John Cena comes up and shakes his hand, congratulating him on the title win.

Commercial Break…

Dolph Ziggler vs. (My boy) Evan Bourne

Evan Bourne hits Ziggler with a drop kick, but his control of the match is quickly taken away by Ziggler. Vicki and her annoying voice won’t shut up as usual and it’s very hard to concentrate on the match. Side note: I would love to see Evan Bourne and Rey Mysterio have a match against each other. Bourne begins landing a few more drop kicks and gets a bit more offense going. Bourne’s luck is about to run out as Ziggler gets Bourne in a sleeper hold to end the match. As annoying as Vicki is, I am extremely impressed with Ziggler, and really do feel like if he gets rid of Vicki as his side kick (or whatever she is) he could be an entertaining WWE champion.

Commercial Break…

Eve and the Bellas are arguing back stage when Keith Stone himself interrupts and pulls some smooth moves.

Maryse and Melina vs. Kelly Kelly and Eve

Maryse is getting destroyed by Eve, but begins to retake control soon after. Maryse then delivers a stink face to Eve in the corner (Not nearly as awesome as when Kelly Kelly does it, but still pretty good).

Melina gets tagged into the match and so does Kelly Kelly, who begins to dominate Melina. Kelly Kelly hits her finishing move and gets the three count.

Commercial Break…

Triple H begins making his way out to the ring to give the State of the WWE Address. He begins by praising Vince McMahon, and saying thank you to Vince for all he has done for the business. Triple H then announces that there will be a second championship match tonight between John Cena and the new WWE champion Rey Mysterio. Triple H then announces that “Good Ole” Jim Ross has been resigned to Raw. JR then makes his way out to the ring to shake Triple H’s hand then heads to the announce table. Michael Cole then grabs a mic and tells HHH that he refuses to work with Jim Ross. Triple H then says that if Cole leaves he would be in violation of his contract. Triple H then says that Cole has a match next, and he must wear the wrestling gear that Triple H has picked out for him.

Right after all of this, R-Truth walks out to the ring and begins talking conspiracy again. He then asks Triple H what he is going to do about the conspiracy against him. After Triple H makes fun of him, R-truth walks out, and Triple H then tells R-Truth that he resigned John Morrison, who then comes out and attacks R-Truth. Morrison hits R-Truth with the “star ship pain.”

Commercial Break…

Michael Cole vs. Zack Ryder 

Michael Cole comes out where Triple H attire, he even does the water spit. Zack Ryder hits his finishing move right off the bat and gets the pin fall and the match is over. After weeks of CM Punk complaining about Zack Ryder not being put on Raw, he finally gets his first match and only gets to show one of his moves. I really wanted to see more of this guys wrestling ability.

Commercial Break…

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

Kingston begins the match by making Del Rio look stupid in the ring with him. I’m thoroughly entertained by this guy. When Raw comes back from the commercial break Del Rio is actually in control inside the ring again. Kingston almost wins with a cross body from the top rope. Del Rio begins to target the injured arm of Kingston and gets a close pinfall himself. Del Rio then continues to target the arm and forces Kingston to tap to a cross arm bar. 

Commercial Break…

Rey Mysterio vs. John Cena (WWE Championship Match)

I am very surprised that John Cena got the reception from the crowd that he gets, especially after everybody loved Mysterio in the first match of the night. Rey Mysterio begins the match trying to wear John Cena down with a few headlocks. And the “Let’s go Cena/ Cena Sucks” chants have begun loud and clear inside the arena. I don’t see how the WWE can keep Rey Mysterio as an entertaining champion. We have all seen everything he has to offer and it isn’t enough to capture any long lasting attention from the WWE universe. With that being said I think if Rey wins the match tonight, it wont be long until he loses the belt. Back to the match, it’s fairly back and forth. Cena blocks the 619 and slams Mysterio onto the mat. If I had to score this match, I’d say Mysterio is probably getting the better of Cena in the main event. Mysterio actually locks John Cena in the STFU, and Cena begins to stand up. Mysterio hits the 619, but Cena counters the body drop from the top rope. As Mysterio goes for a second 619, Cena grabs the legs of Mysterio and hits him with the Attitude adjustment and gets the win!

As the match ends, John Cena is in the middle of the ring, when an unfamiliar music hits the arena. John Cena begins to look around, and as the camera pans over to the entrance way we see none other than………..CM Punk come walking down to the ring with his championship belt around his waste. The crowd begins to go crazy and when Punk reaches the ring Cena lifts his belt up in the air as the crowd begins to cheer. However, CM Punk does the same with his belt but gets a standing ovation from the crowd when he does. Clearly CM Punk is back, and I think we all know who the crowd favorite is.

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Monday Night Raw Review: 4-25-2011 WWE DRAFT NIGHT!

Tonight is the night! Draft night! This week’s Raw starts off with quite a bang: a 20 man Battle Royale is already in full swing to determine whether Raw or Smackdown gets the first draft pick.

Mayhem ensues for about 15 minutes as it boils down to Evan Bourne and Mason Ryan vs Big Show and Kofi Kingston as the final four. In the end, Big Show proves to be too much as he eliminates both Raw wrestlers. Smackdown gets the first pick and the selection is…..

John Cena!

I’m so glad that Cena will be off of Raw. Now Miz just has to get drafted to Smackdown and the most boring rivalry in the history of the WWE can finally be out of my sight. At least until Extreme Rules, at which point I’ll then be rooting for Morrison to win. And I’m not even a Morrison fan.

The first of many assholes in the Raw lineup

Since we’re talking about Morrison, the man who attacked him after a match last week comes out for some heel action. Truth goes on about how the fans can suck it and how they failed him. Apparently Truth rapped and danced just to make the fans happy and not himself. He drives the point home by asking an imaginary boy named “Little Jimmy” a whole bunch of rhetorical questions. It was quite hilarious and then Morrison runs out to shut his face.

R Truth talking to an invisible Little Jimmy. Classic.

Right before commercial we are treated to a preview of next week’s show in Miami, which will feature The Rock’s birthday party… don’t know exactly how I feel about that one. I guess as long as the Rock is there it will be entertaining enough.

The next match is a Diva’s competition that will determine the next draft selection, featuring Eve Torres vs Layla.

Get this girl a title shot… such beauty is wasted otherwise

Michelle McCool joins her down at ringside, and as Smackdown has shown us, Laycool has been having some problems. As the match comes to a close, Michelle talks some shit to Layla and Eve takes advantage to pin her, getting Raw the next pick. That pick for Raw iiiiiiisssss…..

Rey Mysterio

The next match is Kofi Kingston vs Sheamus for a pick. I would assume every match is for a pick at this point. The match seemed brief with Sheamus getting laid out by two head kicks from Kofie and pinned for another Smackdown pick. This was really surpising and I have to say so far Smackdown is doing very well…..

Randy Orton to Smackdown.

Once we get back from commercial we are subjected to yet more Michael Cole nonsense as he squares off against Jim Ross. King is of course in JR’s corner, with Swagger in moron’s corner once more.

This guy might as well suck it.

This is a monumental waste of time for the most part. The only satisfying parts being JR beating up on Cole and making him bleed from his lip pretty good. Swagger of course interferes but it’s Lawler to the rescue as he takes out both Swagger and Cole, Cole getting whacked a few times with a belt from the King. Afterwards the Raw GM declares that the tag match between these four at Extreme Rules will be a Country Whipping Match. That is extreme….

Next we get more verbal vomit from that moron The Miz. Instead of describing the useless shit he said I thought I’d feature some stupid Miz expressions.

The next match is between Dolph Zigler and Randy Orton for two draft picks, Orton freshly picked up by Smackdown. The match itself was pretty entertaining but seemed short lived as Randy Orton breaks out of a quick pin by Zigler and RKO’s him to win two more draft picks for Smackdown. This is getting ridiculous for Raw, but it’s definitely shaking things up which is the point. After a short interruption by CM Punk and a commercial break we get to see the two picks for Smackdown:

Mark Henry and Sin Cara

I was pretty shocked by the Sin Cara pickup because he had such a short stint on Raw. Smackdown is really getting the heavy hitters at this point. Raw needs to win this next battle for two more picks, between Wade Barrett and Rey Mysterio. After another quick yet decent match, Rey seals the win with a 619 and a top rope finisher on Barrett. His victory leads to these next two picks:

The Big Show and Alberto Del Rio

It was good to see Raw pick up a couple of heavy hitters, because losing Orton and Cena was pretty huge. But Raw has one more chance to make one more decent acquisition. The final match of the night is a six man tag match to determine the final pick. For Raw we have the team of Miz, Del Rio and CM Punk.

I can’t help but like this team

For Smackdown is Cena, Mark Henry and Christian. I like this mix up because it’s none too often you see Cena and Del Rio in the same match or CM Punk and Christian. They gave a good physical finale for us that ended with not only another heel turn but a completely stupid last “random” draft pick. Mark Henry is the one who turned heel, taking out Cena and Christian both resulting in The Miz giving Cena the Skull Crushing Finale and the winning pin. As we frantically wonder who will be coming to Raw it turns out to be…..

Cena?

Somehow I feel cheated and disgusted. Thanks Raw. I know the whole thing is scripted but how incredibly random the selection must be if Cena gets picked both first and last. Lame. I can only hope Extreme Rules this Sunday doesn’t follow suit with a dog crap ending. Tune back in tomorrow as more draft picks occur during the day, and comment below to tell us what you think of the new picks from this year’s draft!

WWE Monday Night Raw Review – April 19th 2011

Raw takes place in the good old UK tonight. Those WWE fans in London sure can make some noise. We start out with R Truth coming down to gloat that he has a title shot at Extreme Rules. And I would like to point out that the Brits certainly have it together since they collectively booed at the mention of his name.

Yeah, Sheamus no longer has that belt.

Anyways, R Truth talks about how happy he is and that he’ll take on anyone at anytime. He’d probably threaten to beat an opponent in a tennis match or in playing poker games online if someone were to challenge him, such is his overwhelming amount of confidence. Almost in response to that sentiment, John Morrison’s pretty boy face comes strolling to the ring. Over the course of a round of jokes about R Truth being out of shape, lucky and a smoker, Morrison convinces R Truth to face him in a match where the winner gets his spot at the match at Extreme Rules. The big controversy about R Truth’s fitness stems from him drinking some water between fights during last week’s gauntlet match.

The match itself wasn’t too bad, its everything we’ve seen with Morrison and Truth before. It was kind of annoying for a few minutes hearing the King and Cole feud storyline still carrying on during the match. I wish it was just JR and Lawler commentating, because Cole is past the point of being likeable. In the end Morrison wins the match, for once actually landing his Starship Pain move off the ropes. So now it will be Miz, Morrison and Cena at the pay per view. But not so fast: as Morrison is celebrating in the ring, R Truth attacks from behind and carries out an assault on Morrison that last for a long five minutes. Truth must not have taken the water bottle teasing very well because he smashes a plastic bottle full across Morrison’s face. Then to add insult to injury he lights up a cigarette in the arena and blows smoke in his face.

WASS UP!?

I wasn’t too shocked that Truth lost the match because neither him or Morrison will win the belt at Extreme Rules. However, when Truth turned heel on us I was pretty amazed. I had no problem with it because it adds a bit of change to the WWE which is desperately needed, but I need to know what you the reader thinks, so make sure to comment below so I can know!

The next match we are treated to is the stupidly smiling Evan Bourne vs the new and improved Dolph Ziggler. New and improved meaning short brown hair and a “new attitude”. Hopefully new attitude means he won’t lose as much, which he accomplished by beating Bourne. The match was short but sweet, with Ziggler narrowly missing an Airbourne attack and retaliating with a Zig Zag to pin Evan.

When we return from commercial there is a music video tribute to Edge who retired due to a spinal injury last week. Make sure to tune into Smackdown this Friday when Alberto Del Rio holds a retirement party for Edge. I’m sure it will be hilarious and I hope Edge shows up and gives Del Rio one last ass whooping.

Unfortunately when we return Alex Riley and The Miz are making their way ringside. It was supposed to be a Alex Riley and Sin Cara fighting but instead we have to hear Cole go on about Miz like he wants to have sex with him and the Miz complain about how he now has to fight both Cena and Morrison. I actually feel for the Brits at the arena live because as we get back from commercial, the Miz is still talking! I still can’t decide whether he looks more like a piranha or a monkey. I’m leaning towards monkey after watching him tonight.

Finally Sin Cara interrupts by coming, followed surprisingly by John Cena, much to the chagrin of about half of the arena. The general manager then announces that it will indeed be a tag team match between Sin Cara/Cena and The Miz/Alex Riley. The match is another excuse to showcase the talents of Sin Cara, but it’s still a decent match even though I think we’ve seen almost all of Cara’s arsenal. Him and Cena win the match after Riley proves how much ass he sucks.

Sin Cara ring entrance. What the shit?!

Now I’m not trying to be sexist or anything but the diva’s match that happens next isn’t very worthy of mentioning. It’s basically a rematch except it’s Eve Torres vs the other Bella twin. Key word here – twin. It’s basically the same match. Long story short, Eve wins and then is rudely cut off by Michael Cole who wants to carry on with his supposed knighting for the night. (See what I did there?)

Oh boy….

During this ridiculous farce and waste of our time, Michael Cole is knighted by a bogus Queen who he disgracefully smooches with. I’m not sure how much further this guy can fall into the ocean of garbage juice. After the knighting (should have been a beheading!) “ceremony” Michael proceeds to call everyone in the arena peasants and demands that JR and Lawler get in the ring to kiss his fungus covered foot. Lawler and Ross oblige getting in the ring with full intent to kick his ass instead of kiss his feet. Swagger of course takes out Lawler before getting JR in the ankle lock submission to force him to kiss Cole’s fungal foot. Once again we get to hear Cole threepeat everything he says. For example – “Kiss it JR, Kiss it! Kiss my foot JR! Come on JR, Come on! Come on JR!” Friggin’ weak sauce Cole!

Im sure everyone in the U.K. appreciated this one Cole…

I don’t know how everyone else feels but I’m sooooooooo sick of the whole Cole storyline. It ran its course months ago and we can only hope he is drafted to Smackdown next week so we don’t have to hear him on this show anymore. He might even be cool again on Smackdown if he is away from Lawler.

The next match comes as a payback of sorts. Santino is already in the ring until Sheamus enters and explains how Santino embarrassed him last time the WWE came to England and now it was his turn. I was expecting something ridiculous from the United States champion but he beat Santino the old-fashioned way, which was no surprise. I’m actually liking that they are having Santino actually put up a fight in his matches instead of just being a huge joke.

Look, FELLA!

Our next match is one that we have seen all too often. Not just at Wrestlemania but weeks after and weeks preceding it. Yes I speak of Randy Orton v.s. CM Punk. Now even though it is a match we’ve seen numerous times it was a pretty decent one. Just straight up, two guys competing for the win, and when Randy did win it was a clean one. The Viper managed to get out of a GTS and wrap Punk up into a small package pin for the three count. Then of course the New Nexus comes out to stomp Orton into oblivion. *Yawn* When will this shit end? After stopping a seemingly roid raging Mason Ryan from finishing Orton off with a punt to the head as payback, Punk decides to take a shot. But Orton snaps up real quick to RKO him and escape the ring. Still a win and a final F*** You to Punk and the Nexus. A decent end to an okay night of wrasslin’. And a big shout out to the fans over in England because they were fantastically energetic all night!

Now next week is a RAW that no fan will want to miss, because you know what is coming…. THE DRAFT! Hopefully this will shake things up for the better in the WWE and stamp out some stagnant storylines and they can entertain us anew for another year. Everyone please comment below, because we love your feedback! And I’m real anxious to hear what people’s predictions are for the draft which takes place next Monday at 9pm on USA! Join us here at the Grizzly Bomb for coverage on the draft right after!

Missed any other reviews? Here ya go!

RAW Review April 11th

RAW Review April 4th

Wrestlemania 27 – 2011

WWE Monday Night Raw Review – April 11th 2011

After what seemed like a long wait between Raws, tonight’s broadcast started off with John Cena’s moronic diatribe about how big his match against the Rock will be next year. Seriously John, I’ve already forgot about it because it’s a whole freakin’ year away, so let’s move on. And move on we do as Randy Orton enters the arena and gets in the ring, stating that someone who actually won their Wrestlemania match should get the next shot at the Miz. Orton is in turn interrupted by the idiotically named Prince of Parkour John Morrison. This guy is the last one I would want to see as a champion or even getting a title shot. Seriously, half the time he doesn’t even land his specialty move, but they just move on like nothing happened. This carries on for a few minutes as Dolph Zigler and R Truth both also come out to plead their case until the anonymous general manager computer chimes in. He or she states that a 5 man gauntlent match will determine who faces the Miz at Extreme Rules. (The next pay per view)

Before the commercial break we are told Edge has a big announcement, with rumors abound that his career is over. I kind of doubt it. Also we get to see Jack Swagger vs Lawler again, for the third time. If Lawler wins, he gets a piece of Michael Cole (again!) and if not he doesn’t. It would almost be worth seeing Lawler lose so the whole Michael Cole feud is over because I’m a little wore out from it.

When we return from commercial break there’s a strange promo with some crazy broad with an unseen face flicking the head off of a doll. Maybe it was Cole’s mom or something. Anyways, our first match in returning from commercial is Brie Bella vs Eve for the Divas Championship. Eve has the referee mark Brie’s hand so they can’t pull any of their switcheroo shit. Unfortunately through some distraction, Brie face plants Eve and pins her, effectively winning the Diva’s belt.

I’m not sure which one is Brie, but who cares right?

The next match is the Raw debut (first match) of new talent Sin Cara. It’s a refreshing change to see a new guy facing a jobber like Primo instead of all the usual guys fighting in the same matches week after week. And Sin Cara did not disappoint, because this guy has some crazy ass gravity defying moves going on. One didn’t work the first time but he nailed it the second try and it was so sweet it made you forget about the first one. I’m now eagerly awaiting Sheamus to attempt taking revenge.

After another commercial break we are treated to the Corre bickering with one another until Santino comes out with a group of superstars that he calls the Apple. Get it? Applecore? Yeah I can’t stand Santino either. Everyone in close proximity to him becomes as much of a joke as he is. Plus he looked completely fricking stoned, lord knows he has a terribly hard job being such a week to week turd. His group is made up of Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry and Evan Bourne. After a match that is already started before returning from commercial, we actually get to see Santino kind of wrestle against Heath Slater but unfortunately the horribly named Apple falls to the Corre. How ironic…. or stupid.

Even this guy’s action figure sucks at life…

After what seems like the twelfth commercial we are right into the Lawler-Swagger match. I don’t know what is going on for this episode of Raw but it seems like there are microphones placed all around the ring because we are treated to hearing the repeated droning of Michael Cole the entire match. And he repeats everything about four or five times. It was so annoying I had to mute the tv for the majority of the match. At the end in a gratifying moment, Jim Ross yanks Cole down from the ring apron and as Swagger goes to help him Lawler pins him for the three count. Lawler then makes his stipulation to Michael Cole, stating it will be a tag team match with Swagger whom Cole had just slapped for losing the match. So at Extreme Rules it will be Lawler and Swagger v.s. Cole and someone of his choice. Paint me not excited  either way.

And now to Edge. My previous assumption was completely wrong as Edge did indeed announce that he is retiring due to his injuries and advice from his doctors. Even though I was never a huge fan of Edge it is too bad to see him go. He was one of the most popular superstars around at this point and it will be interesting to see who is able to fill the void left by him. I salute Edge for his years he put into the WWE for the fans.

Without further adieu the 5 man gauntlent match begins. It starts off with Randy Orton and Dolph Zigler. Randy Orton seems to have it wrapped up but before he can execute his RKO, members of the New Nexus interfere and Orton loses with a quick pin from behind by Zigler. Orton is then beat down by the Nexus members and they once again prove how badass they are by beating someone three on one.

R Truth is the next contestant and he handily beats Zigler, so it’s bring on the next guy – John Morrison. It’s seeming more and more like we are going to see a Cena/Miz rematch unless Raw actually shows some originality. Not suprisingly, Morrison misses his lame Starship whatever move and R Truth takes him out and has to face John Cena. As the match progresses, I can’t really decide who I want to win. I’ve never been impressed with R Truth and his rapper persona, but I definitely don’t want to see a Cena/Miz rematch. I have to agree with Miz when he says that the people chanting “let’s go Cena” are pretty much five year olds and girls while the “Cena Sucks” chanters are everyone else with half a brain. As the match goes back and forth it appears Cena will win the Miz and Alex Reiley jump in and beat them both up resulting in a double disqualification. Miz did this because he didn’t appreciate the “you can’t see me” gesture directed at him. Afterwards the GM announces that the Extreme Rules pay per view championship match will now be a triple threat match between Cena, R Truth and Miz. I guess that’s better than another Cena and Miz crapfest. Let us know what you all think in the comments section!

WWE Monday Night Raw Review: Wrestlemania 27 Aftermath

Well here we stand, the night after Wrestlemania. Whether you loved it or hated it, there were good and bad things to come of it. One of the good things was evident right at the beginning of Raw with Jim Ross commentating alongside the King Jerry Lawler, as it should be. I’m not too sure if I could handle listening to the phony ass Michael Cole sitting in his glass box for another night. I can handle two commentators and one being a little biased towards one wrestler, but it should at least have some thought put into it. It shouldn’t just be Cole babbling in favor of a heel just because Lawler favors the opposite wrestler. Of course we shouldn’t expect not to see Cole anymore, because Ross brings up a rumor to Lawler of Cole being at Raw and supposedly wanting a match. Didn’t we suffer through that last night?

Probably the most decent match at Wrestlemania 27

The first person to come out and speak at the beginning of Raw was surprisingly not the Miz to gloat about another one of his assisted title defenses, but it was Triple H. He came out to speak about how unbelievable his match against the Undertaker was last night and even went so far as to thank the “Dead Man” for one of the best matches of his life. He also adds that when the Undertaker returns (he was carried out by stretcher last night) that he’ll be waiting. So does this mean that we will see another Undertaker injury hiatus? And that the next Wrestlemania will be Triple H and the Taker again?

 

Vintage Scum-Bag Cole

In the next segement we are unfortunately subjected to the moronic Michael Cole coming out to challenge Jerry Lawler to a rematch which Lawler happily agrees to and promptly enters the ring. I’m thinking, why do we have to see the same thing we saw at Wrestlemania last night? But then it turns out Cole is talking about Lawler having a rematch with Jack Swagger whom he fought last Raw. Wow… even better we get to see a freakin’ match from before Wrestlemania. Lame. The match goes on for a short time with Lawler getting the upper hand (he still has the moves!) until Cole interferes long enough for Swagger to get Lawler into the ankle lock submission hold to which Lawler taps out. But the call is reversed because Swagger won’t break the hold after the bell. This of course angers Cole who proceeds to spray JR with a bottle of barbeque sauce until Ross goes after him. I really really want Michael Cole to go away. Unfortunately he is back on the commentator scene when Raw resumes from commercial. From barbeque sauce to weak sauce.

“IN THE FACE!”

Thank God that his tirade about Ross ends as Randy Orton’s theme music blares throughout the arena, followed by the entrance of his tag team partner Rey Mysterio. They are set to wrestle in yet another rehash of their opponents from last night: CM Punk and Cody Rhodes. Yawn. Aside from it being the same matchups from last night, it is interesting to see Orton and his former Legacy underling Cody Rhodes going at it again. And I like the mismatched pairing of Orton and Mysterio, because they are polar opposites but both extremely talented in their own way. After a match lasting through two commercial breaks, Orton sets Rhodes up for a 619 from Mysterio which staggers him…straight into a waiting RKO from the Viper. Match over as CM Punk runs away from the ring.

A quick in between matches: Stone Cold Steve Austin is certainly in the building, congratulating a passing Triple H for one helluva match last night. Also there was a promo for the imminent arrival of luchador Sin Cara who was recently acquired by the WWE. It will be interesting indeed to see what he brings to the table.

“And so he did.”

As Raw returns we are welcomed back with Austin coming out to the ring. Unfortunately it doesn’t look like Austin will do any ass whooping as he brings out the cast of Tough Enough to the ring to make introductions. (Austin and Booker T are both on Tough Enough if you didn’t know) None of them really stood out to me except one. Maybe the guy with the afro, but that was just because he had an afro. The other one that stood out was Rima Fakih, obviously because she is super hot and a Michigan native where I hail from. I would absolutely be loving it if she was the next Diva. The Miz, the worst WWE champion since Sheamus, interrupts the whole thing with his butt buddy Alex Reiley. He proceeds to talk down to the Tough Enough kids and promptly challenging Austin to a match. Austin agrees as the ring clears out, but instead of Miz attacking A-Rei does. It was pretty satisfying to see Austin back in action to stomp Alex Reiley’s ass for a couple minutes. Afterwards Austin has a beer with the Tough Enough crew and throws a couple into Cole’s glass turd box to get him wet.

Rima Fakih – Former Miss USA

Even though I’m not a big fan of Alberto Del Rio, it is refreshing to see an original match as he faces off against Evan Bourne. Del Rio was curiously absent his car and usual grinning face as he came out for the match. It’s a typical Evan Bourne match where the little fella is outgunned by his almost always bigger opponent. He manages to execute one high flying maneuver but misses and ends getting put into the crossover submission. Chalk one up for Del Rio, but if he wants to get back on the road to credibility he needs to fight someone a little more formidable than Bourne. And also he needs to get a new car.

Del Rio in Full Spanish Soap Opera Mode

When we returned from a commercial break I nearly gagged on my water hearing Vicki Guerrero’s voice echoing throughout the arena. Apparently we get a matchup of Vicky and Dolph Zigler v.s. John Morrison and Trish Stratus. Almost the same matchup from Wrestlemania last night minus that strumpet Snooki. That should make me happy but I am nonetheless still completely uncaring about this matchup so I’ll keep it brief: Morrison and Stratus win and we all move on with our lives.

WARNING: VOMIT INDUCING

Next on the agenda is Sheamus, who’s match at Wrestlemania was not aired last night. So we are at least treated to a rematch for the United States Championship Belt, with Sheamus defending. I really couldn’t care less about Daniel Bryan. Everything about him is boring, from his look to his theme music. To me he is just not superstar material. Needless to say I was hoping for Sheamus to win and he did. I think he may have found his niche in the WWE with being the United States Champion, because he definitely wasn’t cutting it as WWE champion. Much like the Miz he never defended the title successfully without interference or douche-baggery. Perhaps they can somehow make the United States Championship a legitimate title, especially since the aforementioned Sin Cara came out to stop Sheamus from pummeling Daniel Bryan some more after the match. I believe Sin Cara can definitely bring a little more excitement to the WWE and what it is desperately suffering from a lack of… something different. His super high flying manuever from the top ropes onto Sheamus outside of the ring was definitely impressive. Radical man….

Look out Mysterio… There’s a new masked Mexican in town.

Now to the finale that they have been going on and on about the whole show. “John Cena calls out The Rock”. Lord knows they needed a whole segment for this nonsense of the predictable walking talking cliche John Cena to come out and spew his slang riddled rhetoric. Cena did his typical, “I lost and congrats to my opponent” bit before calling out the Rock, who obliges with a stroll out to the ring. The Rock goes on for a few minutes about Cena and Cena even brings up Rock’s terrible movie “The Tooth Fairy” before coming out with the obvious challenge. The Rock vs John Cena. Even though I hate Cena, it would be a great match if these two went toe to toe. It obviously won’t happen on this Raw and not even in a pay per view this year… they are talking about Wrestlemania 28 next year. I admit I will have forgotten about this in about a month. So someone please remind me about it every now and then, because I’m sure the WWE won’t bombard us with it nearly every week! But it doesn’t end here, the Corre of stupidity decides to run out and ruin the moment before Cena and Rock can shake on it. They have the upper hand at first but are of course pummeled by two of the biggest superstars in the business. Cena and Rock finally shake on it, setting an extremely early stage for next year’s Wrestlemania 28.

“OH HERE WE GO! Next year that is…”