Boardwalk Empire: 3.10 – “A Man, A Plan…”

Last week had Nucky trying to rally the other bootleg bosses to his cause, but they all said thanks but no thanks and this week we get to see the beginning of the fallout from that. Thankfully there was no Gillian involved in this one.

I just don’t know where to begin. This was such a roller coaster of an episode that it’s difficult to even find the words to put together in a coherent fashion. Well, I’m one of the “pick the good news first” type of gals so let’s start with Richard Harrow. Oh, Richard, you’ve found yourself a girl and things just couldn’t be peachier!

Seriously this was just about the sweetest thing ever. When he was standing there looking at them playing in the sand my heart melted just a little bit. Yeah, he’s a killer, but killers deserve happiness too right? At least on TV, they do. I am so glad that Julia decided to side with Richard as opposed to staying with her dad. The man is an ass. He’s got some depression issues and still mourning his son, but that doesn’t give him carte blanche to treat his daughter like shit. Kudos to Richard for standing up to him. You can only imagine how many times he’s been called a freak that he just let roll off his back, but Daddy was the last straw and I can’t really blame him.

Julia baring her soul with a story that might seem like no big deal to tell in today’s world but was probably quite scandalous back then. I think her telling Richard that she for sure was choosing him in her life. It comes as no surprise that his response is “I wish I could kiss you.” Oh Richard, you always know the right thing to say to a gal.

I am curious as to what the King Neptune thing was they were doing when the whiskey started rolling in. Was it the same festival that The Commodore first saw Gillian? Inquiring minds want to know.

I also want to know if Eli knew Nelson Van Alden at all. Can you imagine the look on his face when he shows up in Chicago (I have a feeling that Nucky had a sixth sense that shit was going to get bad with Masseria which is why he sent Eli to Chicago) and finds Nelson there helping Capone? When they first had Van Alden move to Chicago I will admit that I could not think of a reason as to why on Earth they would do that. Now, of course, it’s obvious, he is (hopefully) going to be quite a player in the O’Bannion and Capone/Torrio war that is going to be coming to a head here soon.

I can not believe that the restaurant guy reported Van Alden to Capone. After he brought him lefse even. How rude. When they first came in I totally thought he’d called the prohie’s in. I’m sure that Van Alden would maybe prefer the prohie’s after it’s all said and done. I probably shouldn’t have, but I laughed when he started talking about Job. That is such a Van Alden move. Of course, I also laughed at the above picture because his face looks exactly like Mr. Demartino from Daria. A quick perusal of the internet shows me that I’m not the only one. I love the internet.

I’m sort of surprised that Nucky didn’t take Chalky up on his offer for the new club. I mean, I’m not, because that doesn’t seem like something Nucky would get in on and I don’t think he’s ready to have that site be rebuilt, but I thought if he was going to accept anyone’s idea for Babbette’s, it would be Chalky’s. We’ll have to see.

I don’t know why I continue to be surprised by Gyp and his gross overreactions. The moment Franco opened his mouth about the rogue waves, his time was limited. Sinbad (this Sinbad, not this Sinbad) was new so he didn’t know any better about keeping your trap shut. However, even he couldn’t have seen how his life would end. It was bad enough that Gyp buried him in the sand, intending for him to drown in the incoming tide, but to then go ahead and bash his head in with a shovel as a “favor” to Tonino? Seriously, why am I surprised by this? It seems like Gyp is in a one-upping contest with himself. This will not end well for anyone involved.

Such is the nature of hysterics. -Gaston Means

In case you were wondering, Jess Smith of history also killed himself. Granted it probably wasn’t due to Gaston Means standing in his room ready to kill him, but it is widely believed that he committed suicide because he couldn’t deal with all he knew about Daughtery’s dirty dealings. Forget all that because I need to just marvel at Gaston Means. He’s never killed a man himself but he believes that he can do it so strongly that he gets Daugherty and Nucky to each pay him $40K to kill Jess. That’s a lot of money for one person. That Means is a shrewd businessman.

While Means is a good businessman, Rothstein is the best. Even though Lucky thinks Rothstein won’t get into the heroin business because he’s bored, I think it’s because he knows that he is in a good place right now and that perhaps with all the unrest between New Jersey and Tabor Heights, maybe he should lay low? He even tells them, in metaphor form, that he needs to play the situation in a way to put his enemies in a place they can’t escape. So, of course, that means that Lucky and Meyer head over to the South Village to partner up with Masseria. Seriously, guys, this is michegas, not anything Rothstein was planning on not doing.

So with all that out of the way, Owen.

My mom always has said that if the phone rings after 10 pm, it is bad news. I think we can all now agree if something is delivered at 4 am, it would be better to just go ahead and refuse delivery.
Even though I knew Owen’s days were numbered, I was 100% positive it was going to be at Nucky’s hand. Surely he knew what was going on between Owen and Margaret right? RIGHT? Given his reaction to Margaret’s reaction, I’m not so sure he did. Speaking of Margaret, this was so not her episode. Her vagina class is canceled (although she had to feel some sort of victory when the nun agreed that the class was helpful), she’s going to St. Louis but Owen isn’t following until at least a month if not six weeks, then Owen is dead, and she’s pregnant with his baby. I have this strange feeling that Margaret is going to be spending a lot of time in dark rooms for the rest of the season. I think the internet would like the darkroom as well because you would not believe the number of people rocking in the corner thanks to this episode. Who am I kidding? If you are a person seeking out and reading Boardwalk Empire reviews/recaps then you probably are in the corner as well.

I don’t watch previews because I like to be surprised (especially with shows like this one) but I almost want to seek out next week’s preview because I want to know the fall out of Owen’s death. Is Margaret going to tell Nucky she’s pregnant? How can she though because surely he will know right away whose baby it is, but I think he’s always wanted to have another child so maybe he’ll just forgive and forget and raise the baby as is own. We’ll just have to see. Only two more episodes left this year!

This episode had it all; Chalky, Nucky not moping around with a floosie, the New York crowd, Capone, Van Alden (who would have thought he’d become a favorite?), and most importantly, no Gillian. It was a wonderfully written episode that drew you in and unlike other episodes that have felt disjointed when so many groups are involved, it flowed quite well. As awful as Owen being dead is, it was perfectly done and as much as I loved the Easter dinner episode, this one was even better. I might have to step out on the limb and give it a five out of five.

It takes a lot to make an episode where a major character dies a favorite, but I think this one did just that. Now if Mickey had been the one who died instead, this episode would be a 17 out of 5. How is he still alive?!?!?!

Until next time Boardwalk fans, here’s some Kleenex to dry your tears and get some Gatorade to replenish your lost fluids. We will get through this together.

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Image: HBO

 

 

Boardwalk Empire: 3.07 – “Sunday Best”

Remember how much I disliked last week’s episode? How only the presence of Richard Harrow saved it from ranking as my least favorite episode of the season? That there was way too much bat shit crazy Gillian and how much I hate her?

I take it all back. Even though last week was as interesting as a watching grass grow, it led into this week’s episode that was absolutely amazing. Even if nothing of note had happened, the set up of the episode with everyone and their respective Easter dinners was fabulously done.

First off, I’d like to formally apologize to Gillian. Please do not misread this- I still think you are crazy as a shithouse rat, but I’ll concede that apparently you had a plan when you went out and found the Jimmy look-alike. Was it a plan I would have come up with? Of course not, because I am a normal and sane human being, but hey I guess you got to work with what you’ve got. So now you’ve got a body to pass off as Jimmy’s and you can go ahead and claim all his/the Commodore’s money and be on your merry way. I can only hope that you won’t take Tommy down with you but as the saying goes, if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.

Apparently when one brother tries to kill the other and then that brother sends the first brother to jail for a year and a half, things like family holiday dinners don’t happen. Color me shocked. So that’s how we end up with Eli’s family meeting Margaret and her children for the first time. Nothing says awkward like espousing the virtues of spring and new life and new beginnings and later learning that your brother in law’s marriage is in the shitter. I literally laughed out loud when after Margaret pours her heart out to June,[pullquote_right]”I feel like the life is being pressed out of me.” -Margaret Thompson[/pullquote_right] the response was “oh you brought a pineapple upside down.” I mean seriously, what do you say to a woman you’ve never met before when she goes on to tell you how awful her marriage is to the brother of your husband who controls for all intents and purposes, your livelihood?

The writers are back on the “make people care about Eli” train because sweet lord how adorable was he this entire episode? A little whiny when he was talking to Nucky about his job but when he was hiding the eggs and then the scenes with his wife? Incredibly sweet. Makes me want to like him. Again. Damn them. Not to mention all those kids! It was a banner day for sweetness from all the Thompson children. Except Teddy- he’s still a creep who thinks girls can’t be politicians. Yea well neither can pyromaniac sociopaths, so there! I did like how they kept going back to “Brian… Patrick”, one can only imagine with nine nieces and nephews they can start to all run together.

Seriously though? Why can’t Nucky and Margaret get their shit together? Don’t they realize that they still love each other? I mean hello- look at Nucky’s face. That is a man who still loves his wife. Sadly it seems as if that ship has finally sailed. If your wife doesn’t want to learn how to juggle from you, then might as well contact the lawyers.

Even though we’ve seen Gyp Rosetti a lot this season (and I do mean a lot) we hadn’t really learned a lot beyond he has a short temper and is a freak in the bedroom. Oh and he doesn’t think the phrase “it isn’t personal” should be used. This week we got a bit more of an idea of what his life is like. I don’t know where he got his driver/bodyguard/lackey, but he needs to keep him around because it seems like he is the only person that is able to say anything to him without causing Mt. Rosetti to erupt. Either that or Gyp doesn’t actually listen to a word he says as he meticulously de-lints his suit. I love love love his family. What’s not to love? Loud, boisterous, and opinionated women around a table? It’s like holiday dinners at my parent’s house (there are three sisters and one brother- and we are all very loud people).

As fun as the dinner scene was, the church scene was amazing. Only Gyp Rosetti would get in a fight in an empty church with a painting of Jesus. Seriously. And over what? Because he feels like he’s been slighted in life? Dude, you are a gangster who likes setting people on fire, or beating them to death for innocuous comments. It’s not like you are some upstanding citizen who tends to the poor and feeds the hungry out of his own kitchen during his off time from working with blind orphans. I mean come on. And then you beat down a priest and stole the collection money. Perhaps taking a step back and looking at yourself before your next throw down with the big guy upstairs, huh?

That scene did totally remind me of this one though, one of the best shows ever.

At least President Bartlett was angry over something happening to someone he loves, not necessarily only himself. Gyp might want to take a page from that book.

The scene with Masseria was perhaps the most telling though. Given Gyp’s larger than life persona, you’d think he was this big mover and shaker in the bootlegging business. Apparently not. It seems that he matters so little that Masseria is ready to just cut him loose (I think we all know what that means) instead of putting up with his shit anymore. It wasn’t until Gyp started railing against Nucky and Rothstein and pretty much everyone else on the eastern seaboard that Masseria begins to consider him useful again. Is this finally putting more structure behind what will surely be the big face off between Gyp and Nucky sometime later in the season? I think so.

It probably comes as no surprise that my favorite parts of the episode were those involving Richard Harrow. I can’t remember the last time I wanted a character to find happiness more than I do him. He’s just such a tragic person that you can’t help but hope for the best for him. I damn near shrieked in delight when he showed up at Julia’s house for Easter dinner. Holiday dinner with the family? That’s a big deal right? So what if the neighbors were invited as well, Julia wasn’t setting a plate in private for them. On one hand it makes me sad that she did that but if that’s what Richard prefers, I guess it’s more sweet than sad. She recognizes that he is uncomfortable and instead of forcing it (like Angela sort of did when she told him that he shouldn’t be ashamed to eat in front of them) she just makes sure he has a plate.

My heart was in my throat when Tommy opened that door to Julia’s brother’s room. I could just picture her dad going apeshit, and lo and behold… he did. Granted, Tommy should not have been in the room in the first place, but who yells like that at a little kid? Man knows how to clear a house, that’s for sure.

It’s been hours since I watched the show and I still can’t get over how adorable Julia and Richard’s first “date” was. Equally as awkward but come on, they are so cute together! Once they got past the whole “don’t threaten to kill my father again” part, things seemed to go a bit more smoothly. Then of course, they got roped in by one of those obnoxious “let me take your picture and then sell it to you for an obscene amount of money” booths. It is so nice to see those haven’t changed much since the 1920’s. With so many American innovations gone by the wayside, it’s comforting to know that some things still remain the same.

In any case, Richard has another happy family picture to add to his book. Every time that damn book makes an appearance I want to cry. Now that he’s put that picture in there, I’m certain they are going to kill off either Richard or Julia. It just isn’t Boardwalk Empire if the viewers hearts aren’t being ripped out and stomped on in a regular fashion.

As much as I loved every part of Richard Harrow’s storyline this week, it was the final scene between (shocker!!!!) Gillian and Richard that was the best in my opinion. Gillian finally admits that Jimmy is dead and when she was crying she seemed almost human. It was heartbreaking. Of course she doesn’t give Richard a heads up about the dead body in the bathtub but hey, this is Gillian we are talking about. That last shot of her sitting by herself just looking defeated was gut wrenching though.

This episode, for me, was damn near perfection. Even though it had almost none of the side stories (we did see Masseria but that was in direct correlation to Nucky) and I usually enjoy those, this was the type of episode I wish they’d make more often. In my dream world, the New York and Chicago groups would have their own show that would occasionally meld into Boardwalk Empire when the need arose, and vice versa. Then there could be these episodes that focused on these main characters more often instead of a snippet here and there that feels distracting from the main story. Case in point- does anyone remember what Chalky White is doing now? Hell does anyone remember what Chalky White even looks like? It seems like it’s been forever since we saw him for more than 30 seconds here and there. He’s like an SNL cast member who is in every sketch one week and then you don’t see them again except in the credits and goodbyes for over a month. I think it’s time Chalky got his own show. Starting a petition to HBO now…

In the meantime, I’m going to have to go big or go home and give this episode a 4.5 bears. It was as close to perfection as I’ve seen in a while.

Until next time!

Boardwalk Empire: 3.05 – “You’d Be Surprised”

Last week can be summed up pretty easily- “Your vagina and you”, dead smartass mouthy kid, Owen watch your back, and Masserria wants heroin money.

This week? There was just way too much going on. Granted it was all important stuff, okay that’s debatable but for the most part each story line from this week did move things forward. Some in a much more naked pace than others.

As for the less interesting ones- Apparently Gillian is in deep denial or she truly believes Jimmy is still alive and just on some adventure. Yea he’s on an adventure, it’s called the afterlife you incestual loon. Seriously though, I have to make myself care about this entire story arc. It’s a struggle. The only reason I keep hanging on is the hope that I’ll catch a glimpse of Richard. Where is Richard? WHERE?!?

Whenever they go back to the Congress/District Attorney/I’m not totally sure who all is involved here storyline, I literally have to go back to my notes because I can’t be bothered to remember anyone. I could not care less about the legal battle going on. There are people being shot and I need to see that, I don’t need witty back and forth in a Senate hearing.

Granted I do love James Cromwell but even my love for Captain Dudley Smith, or Andrew Mellon as he plays here, couldn’t keep my attention during these scenes. Even sadder, Stephen Root made an appearance and the only highlight was him busting out the S.A.T. word, dishabille.

Amazingly enough, I actually liked the VanAlden appearances. I still don’t want to like him, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult, especially with that wife of his, Sigrid. She is very entertaining… and has no problem bashing a man in the head! I was watching that unfold and of course the cinematic masterpiece Anchorman came to mind.

It does (hopefully) finally bring about some cohesion to seemingly random things going out in Chicago. I imagine VanAlden’s association with Dean O’Banion won’t end once the agent’s body is disposed of. Those threads have been waving around loose for way too long, let’s get them back to weaving something.

Oh Billie Kent. How I dislike you so. I can not for the life of me figure out what Nucky sees in you, besides a piece of ass, and why he is with you. You don’t really need his help and you certainly don’t want it. Nucky is a “rescuer” and you just do not fit the bill. So why don’t you do everyone a favor and disappear. Immediately.

The only thing Billie Kent did accomplish is involve Eddie Cantor in a great way this week. I loved how Nucky brought him some Passover vodka. It’s one of those, look I brought you vodka completely free of grain and signed off by a rabbi… now find a way to fix my girlfriend’s show because otherwise I’m going to send Chalky and Purnsley over to beat your ass. Surely Nucky, of all people, would understand the importance of honoring your contracts. I mean come on. It did seem like Eddie going to New York added just a little bit more to Arthur Rothstein’s derision over being pulled into shit dealing with Tabor Heights. As he said, only things in New York matter.

Billie Kent also worked her way directly into Margaret’s storyline. Now I’m not up to date on “Keeping a Mistress 101” but it seems to me that one of the major highlights of that course would be “Don’t take your floosie to the same shop that your wife visits on a regular basis.” Apparently Nucky isn’t up to date either because there they were and come on Nucky, get it together. Margaret is giving you carte blanche to basically do whatever you want as long as you allow her to keep up appearances. You are failing Nucky. Failing hard. You best believe Margaret is getting her shit in line with a bank account and all and don’t be surprised if you come “home” one day to find yourself all alone. No one left to rescue but yourself-someone who desperately needs it.

What I’d love to see from Margaret is for her to just sack up and take over the world. I had started to dislike her at the beginning of the season but she’s come back around. Now if she were to smack that annoying ass nun who sits in her vagina class basically clutching her pearls the entire time, I’d build a statue of her likeness in my front lawn.

The big story of the episode was the aftermath of Gyp hijacking and killing Nucky’s delivery guys on their way to Rothstein. We finally got to see Rothstein lose just a little bit of his cool. I think he’s one of those tip of the iceberg kind of guys, basically the exact opposite of Gyp Rosetti.

This scene actually drove me a little nuts because they showed AR picking up that spoon at least three times in two seconds.

The writers have set up the audience exactly as they wanted. Every time we see Gyp we expect him to go ape shit and kill someone. Then they show us a couple of times that he can laugh things off so we relax a bit and then he goes and sets the sheriff on fire. This week we saw him enjoying himself with the aid of a belt. Who would have ever thought that the belt would be what saves his life? Well the belt and the naked chick he used as a human shield.

The title of the episode “You’d Be Surprised” was quite accurate because I would have never guessed the result of Rothstein and Nucky’s screaming match was Benny showing up at the Kinnernet Lodge shooting everyone he came across. Of course it does set up the rest of the season because now we get to watch how Gyp, who will kill a man for looking at him crosseyed, reacts to Rothstein sending a guy to kill him. Not only that but Gyp worked for Masseria? The same Masseria who is already pissed at the trio of Rothstein, Luciano, and Lansky? It’s going to be insane.

I did like how the episode wrapped up with Eddie telling Billie that she is nothing. She may think that she has landed this big fish in Nucky, but really she’s just a flavor of the week. You tell her Eddie!

Lucy Danzinger was of course Paz de la Huerta‘s character…at least before she was fired prior to season 3….

Whew, there was a lot of stuff in this episode. Some of it wasn’t so great, others was damn near perfection. That scene with Gyp walking through the dead bodies and pools of blood? Very reminiscent of Taxi Driver and just an incredible scene.

Going to have to go with a four out of five on this one. Gillian Darmody and the boring Senate hearing drug it down.

In the news section of today’s review – Boardwalk Empire has been picked up for Season 4! I don’t think anyone saw this as a big surprise, but it is nice to know. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know for myself, I’ve been burned by canceled shows enough times that when something hasn’t been officially announced as renewed, I just assumed it’s going to be gone.

One could hope that now they are certain they are a go for another season, perhaps they can spend a little bit more time with their other storylines. Hahaha, that’s never going to happen. Just ask Chalky White.

For now, I’m going to go sit in my Miller Chair (just kidding, I don’t have a Miller Chair but it is mentioned in the song that Eddie and Billie are singing at the end) and wait for next week.

Boardwalk Empire: 3.04 – “Blue Bell Boy”

Let’s get up to speed- last week we found Nucky alone a lot, frying bacon and dreaming of cherubic young men shot in the face. VanAlden is still a crappy salesman who gets picked on by his coworkers and then finds himself in the middle of a bar during a raid. Gillian Darmody still annoys me. Meyer Lansky and Lucky Luciano sent Benny Seigel out on his first drug run, which doesn’t end all that well with Masseria’s men. Somehow Mickey is still alive and Margaret brought down the war hammer on the annoying chauvinistic doctor by cornering him into opening a women’s clinic.

Now on to “Blue Bell Boy”.

I’m going to express my excitement now but save the rest for later… CHICAGO!!!! Whew, had to get that out- so exciting.

For now, let’s discuss Nucky’s warehouse. Somehow Mickey is still alive and Eli is moping around like a dog waiting for someone to pet him. Nucky comes in all bad ass trying to be the boss, even though he’s been hanging around Billie Kent’s apartment for lord only knows how long, and unsurprisingly, it doesn’t go well. Mickey turns to Owen for direction and I’m going to call it now- Owen is going to die.

Oh Owen, such a pretty face. I’m going to miss you when you are gone.

We all know that Nucky doesn’t take too kindly to not being treated like the top dog and if Mickey keeps going to Owen then I fear they are both on their way out. I take that back, Mickey will somehow find a way to stay alive. I don’t know how, but he will.

As if we needed more evidence of Nucky’s new found “don’t f–k with me or I will shoot you in the head” chutzpah, we are presented with Roland Smith, played by Nick Robinson of Melissa and Joey, a sitcom on ABC Family.

Roland is kid with a bright felonious future. He’s quick witted and when asked his name he rattled off:
–Lon Cheney, the “Man of a Thousand Faces” who dominated the horror genre in the silent film era. I don’t know if it was intentional but I found it interesting they chose to mention Lon Cheney, the child of two deaf and mute parents, in the same episode where Al Capone has a lot of storyline pertaining to his own deaf child.
–Norma Talmadge another star of silent films
–Baby Peggy, one of the original “child stars” who lives hit the crapper once the fame and glory go away. Or in Baby Peggy’s case, when your parents spend all the money you earned as a toddler and you then spend the rest of your life in poverty bouncing from one breakdown to another.

Nucky, Owen, and Roland spend a beautiful night together hiding out in a cellar as Roland’s house was seized by feds sent by none other than Waxey Gordon. I did have to wonder how many times in this episode Owen was going to mention something about keeping Nucky’s hands clean. Owen, have you been watching the show lately? Surely you had to see this coming. I mean come on, the kid lied about how old he was and about smoking and is a cheeky lad that might remind a certain someone about a certain someone else and hello…

Kid is dead. It’s a shame though, I sort of liked Roland. I loved the exchange between Owen and Nucky over Roland’s bleeding body. Nucky told him in not so many words, that he needed to watch his back.

Little word definition moment: When Nucky tells Owen to tell him something with out the “soft soap” he wasn’t referring to the hand soap. Actually the phrase “soft soap” can refer to saying something with flattery. The more you know… rainbow.

After last week’s masterful moves, Margaret had a boring but meaningful episode. She and the good doctor are working on their “Your Body and You” women’s health class and ran into a bit of trouble with a nun.

This nun had some issues with Margaret and the Doctor’s (I really need to go look up his name) neologism. Because we all know that words like menstruation, pregnant, and vagina are just made up and frivolous. I mean come on, gravid is a much more appropriate way to describe such a delicate situation. And for the love of all that is holy, don’t you dare display Kotex on the store shelves. Oh the depravity!

Even though I really did not like the whole aviatrix part of the storyline back in the season premiere, I did appreciate how they tied it back in with this episode. Margaret has these great plans for her Women’s Clinic and is out there on the boardwalk trying her damnedest and is just getting shut down wherever she turns. Then we find out towards the end of the episode that Carrie Duncan, the aviatrix Margaret looked to as a symbol of freedom, has indeed crashed her plane and died. I thought it was extremely well done, story telling wise.

In one of the “extras” on HBO Go during this episode, Vincent Piazza likened the relationship between Lansky, Luciano, and Seigel as exasperated parents and their troublesome child. I could not agree with him more. I can not express how much I loved the scene between the three of them. You can just see how badly Lucky wants to be done with Benny, but of course Meyer is going to stick up for him. Perhaps Lucky should have partaken in some of that Sal Hapatica that Meyer had Benny mixing up for Masseria’s men.

Even though Gyp wasn’t seen that much during this episode, I think his actions bring to a head the major conflict of the storyline this season. His ambush of Nucky’s trucks is going to really put the pressure on Mickey (seriously, HOW has he survived this long?) for his awful decision making as well as maybe bringing Eli and Nucky together again. Not to mention, Rothstein. He’s a ticking time bomb up there in New York. It’s only a matter of time before there’s a hair out of place on his head. His cool as a cucumber, smiling while threatening demeanor makes me nervous.

Chicago provided the most gut wrenching emotion of the episode, and perhaps even the season so far. Capone’s son has been bullied at school so he decides that he is going to teach him to fight. Of course the kid can’t understand this (seriously Capone, learn some sign language) and he just ends up crying. Al Capone can’t go around beating up small children for hitting his son, but you better believe that someone then makes fun of and beats up Guzik. It was sort of an anti-bullying PSA there for a minute when Gucik was standing there beaten to a pulp and what really bothered him was they made fun of the way he smelled.

But don’t worry, Capone takes care of it, in his own way of course.

Apparently the writers wanted everyone with a semblance of a heart to tear up and then hug a puppy, because they sent Capone home after he beat a man to death. Sent him home with a mandolin to sing a song to his son he earlier made cry. His son that can only tell he’s singing by putting his hand on his father’s throat.

That right there was a three kleenex moment.

Overall, fantastic episode. I don’t know that it ranks higher than last week’s because as great as the Chicago and New York story lines are, they are getting to the point they seem extraneous. I’m guessing that Rothstein is going to play more into the main storyline now that his liquor is gone but they really need to start making Capone and Lucky/Meyer blend in a bit more. Or just cut bait and give them each their own show. I’d watch it. All day long.

This week- four out of five. We have Mr. Capone to thank for that.

Next week’s promos included Chalky White and I can not wait!

To tide us over to the next episode… Birdwalk Empire

Boardwalk Empire: 3.03 – “Bone for Tuna”

Where were we? Last week was all slow-moving build up. Nucky is hiding in New York with Billie Kent,  just wanting everything to run on its own. Margaret is stomping around the hospital and, unfortunately, not smacking the crap out of lippy servants. Eli’s out of jail, Gyp is hanging out in Tabor Heights waiting around for Methodist bible camp, and sticking it to Nucky in the meantime. Chalky tried to convince Maybelle that his life is not that interesting and she should just marry the boring doctor. Oh and Mickey is amazingly still alive. After that slow as molasses episode, I had high hopes for this week. I was not disappointed.

Apparently if you kill the man you spent decades treating as your son, it turns out that it can f–k with your head. Here we finally see Nucky start to come unhinged over killing Jimmy. He’s dreaming of kids shot in the face, and then seeing the same kid as a choir boy. Of course this is also tied to his own childhood and it involves a lot of bacon. There was a lot of “alone Nucky” in this episode and it was just sad. If ever there was a man who needed to just get his shit together, get back together with his wife, spend time with his kids, and have a large bottle of zoloft nearby, it is Nucky Thompson. Dude.

VanAlden returned this episode and so help me god if the writers try to make me feel anything for him like they did Eli last week, I’m gonna be pissed. I don’t want to feel sorry for him. I don’t want to sympathize with him. I don’t want to see him all lovey dovey with his new wife. Are you hearing me writers? I DO NOT WANT TO LIKE HIM!

 Alas, I sort of did. I really do feel badly for him when he’s getting picked on by his coworkers. But then I just remember him “baptizing” Sebso and my distaste for him returns. Ahhh, all is right with the world. Seriously though, the fountain pen and then the constant picking at him, it makes me want to never want to buy an iron from these jackasses. Sigrid however? I daresay I never saw a scene like that in Door to Door (if you haven’t seen this movie, you should), so I was completely unaware that door to door sales can be such a turn on. Lesson learned.

If I were to take my dislike for VanAlden and add the heated hatred of a thousand forest fires burning at once, that would come close to my feelings for Gillian Darmody. She’s got her claws in everyone. It’s possible I missed it earlier, but did we know that Lucky Luciano was an investor in the whorehouse? That was news to me. Unwelcome news of course, and while we’re discussing those two- I really wish little bubbles would pop up telling us who all knows Jimmy is dead and who really believes he went back to the Army. It would be like a flow chart in the style of Pop Up Video, very helpful. I mean Gillian has to know right? She and Nucky aren’t talking, clearly illustrated by the looks exchanged when Nucky drops Gyp off at the house of ill repute. So is she just pretending he’s still alive so people like Lucky take her more seriously? Is she just trying to convince herself he is still alive because she’s an out of touch creepy hobag? It’s a mystery. [Editor’s Note – She knows he is dead, but must play along because he gives her clout. My though anyhow…]

Another mystery? Gyp Rosetti. Good lord this guy is off his rocker. And at the same time, he’s a good businessman. When he was talking to Gillian he seemed quite normal and sane. He was even capable of laughing at himself when he starts to take offense to Nucky saying something about being in “your neck of the woods”. BUT THEN HE DOES THIS!!!

Oh my god. Seriously. That was all I could say. You would think that watching a show where people’s heads are blown off on the regular, something violent wouldn’t be all that surprising. You’d be wrong. Gyp dropped that lighter and all I could see was this.

If we learned nothing else this episode, do not wish Gyp Rosetti good luck. Or buona fortuna. Or “bone for tuna”- you know that kid’s Irish so the spelling is off. Seriously, Nucky nailed it on the head with his “you’d find offense in a bouquet of roses”. What the hell is wrong with the guy? And why do I enjoy his psychosis so much?

[Little tidbit- the movie Gyp’s driver was talking about (when you could see Gyp come undone over Nucky wishing him bone for tuna) was Nosferatu. I am not a horror/scary/monster movie fan by any means so I had no idea, but thankfully the internet came to my rescue on that one. Stay tuned the GrizzlyBomb because coming up this month we are highlighting our favorite Halloween characters and I’m pretty sure Nosferatu made the list.]

Speaking of people I enjoy- Lucky Luciano and Meyer Lansky made an appearance!

They are still doing their heroine thing and Lucky is not happy with their dealings with Masseria. Of course the adorable Meyer Lansky was the voice of reason telling him that they just needed to bid their time with him. In perfect gangster fashion though, he goes from ‘let’s be calm, cool, and collected’ to shooting at Masseria’s men in the street with none other than heroin delivery boy extraordinaire/Benny ‘Bugsy’ Seigel. Shit is getting real there in New York.

The honor of “second best part of episode” belongs to Richard Harrow and Mickey Doyle. Especially this particular moment:

Mickey takes credit for Manny’s death to make himself look like a bad ass and gets ratted out by a delivery boy during a drop to the whorehouse where Richard is tending bar. Richard gets Mickey at gunpoint and then trots his happy ass over to Nucky telling him to deal with Mickey- it was perfect. Everything about it. Especially when Richard greets Mickey with a gun right as he drops trou. I mean seriously, perfection. However, it does make us ask once again, how the hell is Mickey Doyle still sucking air? HOW? He’s a lucky bastard.

And when Richard tells Nucky that he killed Manny for Angela Darmody?

It was too much. I think I died a little with that one. I’m really glad that he came out and said it was just for Angela though. I mean I always assumed, but it’s nice to hear. The part about Jimmy being a soldier, fighting and losing, was also very well written. Nucky you are safe once again- from Richard at least.

You know who you aren’t safe from? This woman:

Last week I was a little meh with Margaret, but this week is a totally different story. Margaret wins the “best storyline of the episode by far, so much so that no one else even had a chance”. And to think, I was sort of annoyed with the prenatal care hill that she was so intent to die on. I thought it was going to be slow and boring.

I. Was. Wrong.

Before that though, Margaret needs to be recognized for coming up with the best alternative for “f–k you and the horse you rode in on” I have ever witnessed. Nucky tells her that he can’t sleep, after being gone for god only knows how long, and she just gives a slight shrug, saying “some warm milk perhaps”. In other words Nucky, she isn’t listening to your shit anymore. Perhaps if you hadn’t been a complete ass who got pissed over money (okay, it was a lot of money) and then ran off to New York with that Broadway chippy you would still have a wife who gave two shits about you and your obvious mental issues. Instead you have a wife who will stand at the back of a church, remind you of your wedding day, give a slight nod to the aforementioned showgirl with her statement about “the show must go on” and pretty much say your marriage is in shambles but you must still put on appearances so walk your ass down this aisle and be happy about it.

I’m sure if Nucky weren’t so caught up in his hallucinations over the “shot in the face” choir boy, he would have been as equally as impressed by Margaret’s next move as I was. There they were, enjoying the nice reception for Nucky’s St. Gregory Award. Margaret is called over for her previously requested moment with the bishop and she takes the opportunity to introduce him to the doctor who had earlier commented that landscaping was more important than prenatal care.

All of a sudden- BOOM- Margaret thanks the doctor for opening a women’s clinic and isn’t that just the greatest thing bishop? Isn’t he amazing? Isn’t this going to be the best thing ever, your excellency? Margaret Thompson, you are f–king awesome. From shy and timid pregnant housewife to cornering an asshole doctor into doing the one thing he would never do- impressive.

Even though there wasn’t any Chicago (outside of VanAlden) or Chalky, and Nucky was a bit annoying with the constantly calling Billie Kent and then going back up there in a very stalkerish manner, this was by far my favorite episode out of the three so far. Gyp was entertaining and disturbing, Gillian was creepy but still moved the story along, and Richard and Margaret were amazing.

I’m going to have to go ahead and give it a five out of five.

I just hope that don’t make me regret renewing my love for Margaret’s storyline. I will be quite disappointed. I’ll be back next week and we’ll see!

Boardwalk Empire: 3.02 – “Spaghetti and Coffee”

This should be universally understood, but it needs to be said again: This is a review of this week’s (Season 3 Episode 2) episode of Boardwalk Empire. If you have not seen this episode and wish to not learn of what happens in this episode, do not read this.

To recap from last week: Nucky and Margaret are on the outs thanks to Margaret signing over the land deeds. Because Nucky can no longer just sit back and enjoy the riches he didn’t make off the highway project, he now has taken on the role of full-blown gangster. Richard Harrow killed Munya. We’ve got a new gangster in town, the Sicilian, Gyp Rosetti. Please don’t insult his intelligence, or lack thereof, because he will beat you. Chicago has troubles, we only see a snippet of them. Lady has a miscarriage in the lobby of the hospital that Margaret is now on the board of due to her generous donation that led to the building of a pediatric wing. Oh and Nucky is shacking up with the showgirl, Billie Kent.

Let’s move on!

I sometimes wonder what a psychiatrist would say if they were to analyze the fact that I can watch television people be shot all day long but sweet jesus don’t you dare let that goldfish die in the sink! That analysis will have to wait for another time because luckily, the goldfish was spared. It is yet to be seen if the same can be said for the rest of the Boardwalk Empire world.

Eli is out of jail! Yay! Mickey picks him up and then Eli asks the question that every single person that has ever watched the show has wondered – “How the hell are you still alive?” Mickey says something about bringing people together, I thinks it’s more that he is just a lucky bastard.  I sort of hate this episode because it made  me want to like Eli, or at the very least, feel sorry for him. He gets out of jail, obviously nothing has stayed the same, and he doesn’t know where he fits in anymore. He goes home to find that even his own son has taken his place as man of the house. I really don’t want to like Eli but damn, if that scene with him building the plane he bought for his son didn’t pull at the ol’ heartstrings.

The writers and Bobby Cannavale have done a wonderful job and creating tension every time Gyp Rosetti is on the screen. After his incredible overreaction to the 3-in-One guy, I fully expected him to beat the ever-loving crap out of the pump jockey. To the point that every time Gyp came on-screen, I was looking for a dead young man in a gas station uniform on the ground somewhere, all over a map scale. It appears as if in the span of one episode he seems to have grown up a bit. Instead of  hauling off and killing the kid, he instead buys the gas station. Oh and he pays off the cops. All so he can stick it to Nucky and Rothstein. Look out Nucky, the hot head is playing for keeps.

Owen is just a go-between for Margaret and Nucky now…Awkward. What I really want to see in a coming episode however, is someone haul off and just smack the shit out of Phillip. Dude has a smart mouth and I would have sworn that the “help” should be seen and not heard in this time period. STFU Phillip.

I loved the scene between Margaret and the lady who had the miscarriage there in the hospital lobby. You can just see that Margaret is trying to relate to this woman, they both have similar stories, but too much time and experiences have passed in Margaret’s life that the woman just isn’t buying it.

I’m continuing my love/hate relationship with Margaret though. I love when she gets all “who are you to talk to me like that?” but she doesn’t do it enough. She goes off on Dr. Mason but only after he provokes her. Had she gone in there, guns blazing, right off the bat, he’d never even had a chance to be an ass. Come on Margaret, sprout a set and don’t take no shit from nobody! I did have to laugh though when at the end of the episode after the maid tells her that Nucky won’t be coming home for some award thing with the diocese, she tells her to go ahead and get the suit ready anyway because “I’m afraid he’s mistaken.”  Granted we aren’t all married to gangsters, but that statement has been muttered by wives the world over since the beginning of time.

Nucky is up in New York, doing nothing but Billie Kent, who he thinks looks like the White Rock Girl. He does take a break from those activities to go and pay Daugherty. He arrives to find an empty room with just a bowl (the goldfish bowl from the first scene) and a note telling him to leave money. Of course he isn’t going to fall for this! So we get to meet none other than Gaston Bullock Means.

Mr. Means is played by the always enjoyable, Stephen Root and is another historical figure. Dude was quite the dirtbag, but he is so well spoken in the show and I’m always a fan of someone who superfluously uses adverbs. However, I am not a fan of people who talk about themselves in the third person so when Remus showed up, I was incredibly happy that he didn’t speak.

The scenes with Chalky and his family are always a hit. Well with me at least. This episode was no different. Maybelle’s beau (why did we stop using that word I wonder?) is back and asking Chalky for her hand in marriage. Problem is, Maybelle doesn’t think he is interesting enough to marry. Perhaps my favorite line of the entire episode is when Chalky asked her what she would do if she was married to a man like him, she says “I’ll write a poem about it.” Oh you foolish little girl.

I wonder what her poem would look like after this:

Apparently asking someone to stop running into your table is a knifeable offense. Of course the dude got that crap beat out of him and Chalky standing there asking if Maybelle was still interested was the highlight of the episode.

The greatest irony of the episode came towards the end when Nucky was baring his soul (well sort of) to Billie. He tells her that he wants nothing more than for “everything to run all by itself”. In reality, because he’s been lounging around getting jealous each time Billie’s phone rings, his people have been done over quite well by Gyp and the now wealthier Tabor Heights sheriff. So much so that they’ve tucked their tails between their legs and turned the convoy back around to Atlantic City.

All in all, this was a very laborious episode. I understand the need for building up storylines but man this was just full of it. I did like the Chalky storyline and the various historical nods, especially the one about Methodists in Tabor Heights. I’d imagine this had to do with Mount Tabor that was a Methodist camp there in New Jersey. Also lacking in this episode? Chicago! We did catch a glimpse of Rothstein as he and Nucky discussed who killed Munya but that was it.

So yea, it’s was a disappointing episode but hopefully the slowness of this will quickly build into some better episodes down the road. Not to do with just this episode, but if you have access to HBO GO and are an “extras” junkie like I am, I highly recommend watching the show on there. They’ve got a new “interactive features” that is quite informative and entertaining.

I have to give this episode, only a 3, because of the slowness.

I will leave you with this- in case you were wondering, meatballs are indeed, balls of meat.