Boardwalk Empire: 3.05 – “You’d Be Surprised”

Last week can be summed up pretty easily- “Your vagina and you”, dead smartass mouthy kid, Owen watch your back, and Masserria wants heroin money.

This week? There was just way too much going on. Granted it was all important stuff, okay that’s debatable but for the most part each story line from this week did move things forward. Some in a much more naked pace than others.

As for the less interesting ones- Apparently Gillian is in deep denial or she truly believes Jimmy is still alive and just on some adventure. Yea he’s on an adventure, it’s called the afterlife you incestual loon. Seriously though, I have to make myself care about this entire story arc. It’s a struggle. The only reason I keep hanging on is the hope that I’ll catch a glimpse of Richard. Where is Richard? WHERE?!?

Whenever they go back to the Congress/District Attorney/I’m not totally sure who all is involved here storyline, I literally have to go back to my notes because I can’t be bothered to remember anyone. I could not care less about the legal battle going on. There are people being shot and I need to see that, I don’t need witty back and forth in a Senate hearing.

Granted I do love James Cromwell but even my love for Captain Dudley Smith, or Andrew Mellon as he plays here, couldn’t keep my attention during these scenes. Even sadder, Stephen Root made an appearance and the only highlight was him busting out the S.A.T. word, dishabille.

Amazingly enough, I actually liked the VanAlden appearances. I still don’t want to like him, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult, especially with that wife of his, Sigrid. She is very entertaining… and has no problem bashing a man in the head! I was watching that unfold and of course the cinematic masterpiece Anchorman came to mind.

It does (hopefully) finally bring about some cohesion to seemingly random things going out in Chicago. I imagine VanAlden’s association with Dean O’Banion won’t end once the agent’s body is disposed of. Those threads have been waving around loose for way too long, let’s get them back to weaving something.

Oh Billie Kent. How I dislike you so. I can not for the life of me figure out what Nucky sees in you, besides a piece of ass, and why he is with you. You don’t really need his help and you certainly don’t want it. Nucky is a “rescuer” and you just do not fit the bill. So why don’t you do everyone a favor and disappear. Immediately.

The only thing Billie Kent did accomplish is involve Eddie Cantor in a great way this week. I loved how Nucky brought him some Passover vodka. It’s one of those, look I brought you vodka completely free of grain and signed off by a rabbi… now find a way to fix my girlfriend’s show because otherwise I’m going to send Chalky and Purnsley over to beat your ass. Surely Nucky, of all people, would understand the importance of honoring your contracts. I mean come on. It did seem like Eddie going to New York added just a little bit more to Arthur Rothstein’s derision over being pulled into shit dealing with Tabor Heights. As he said, only things in New York matter.

Billie Kent also worked her way directly into Margaret’s storyline. Now I’m not up to date on “Keeping a Mistress 101” but it seems to me that one of the major highlights of that course would be “Don’t take your floosie to the same shop that your wife visits on a regular basis.” Apparently Nucky isn’t up to date either because there they were and come on Nucky, get it together. Margaret is giving you carte blanche to basically do whatever you want as long as you allow her to keep up appearances. You are failing Nucky. Failing hard. You best believe Margaret is getting her shit in line with a bank account and all and don’t be surprised if you come “home” one day to find yourself all alone. No one left to rescue but yourself-someone who desperately needs it.

What I’d love to see from Margaret is for her to just sack up and take over the world. I had started to dislike her at the beginning of the season but she’s come back around. Now if she were to smack that annoying ass nun who sits in her vagina class basically clutching her pearls the entire time, I’d build a statue of her likeness in my front lawn.

The big story of the episode was the aftermath of Gyp hijacking and killing Nucky’s delivery guys on their way to Rothstein. We finally got to see Rothstein lose just a little bit of his cool. I think he’s one of those tip of the iceberg kind of guys, basically the exact opposite of Gyp Rosetti.

This scene actually drove me a little nuts because they showed AR picking up that spoon at least three times in two seconds.

The writers have set up the audience exactly as they wanted. Every time we see Gyp we expect him to go ape shit and kill someone. Then they show us a couple of times that he can laugh things off so we relax a bit and then he goes and sets the sheriff on fire. This week we saw him enjoying himself with the aid of a belt. Who would have ever thought that the belt would be what saves his life? Well the belt and the naked chick he used as a human shield.

The title of the episode “You’d Be Surprised” was quite accurate because I would have never guessed the result of Rothstein and Nucky’s screaming match was Benny showing up at the Kinnernet Lodge shooting everyone he came across. Of course it does set up the rest of the season because now we get to watch how Gyp, who will kill a man for looking at him crosseyed, reacts to Rothstein sending a guy to kill him. Not only that but Gyp worked for Masseria? The same Masseria who is already pissed at the trio of Rothstein, Luciano, and Lansky? It’s going to be insane.

I did like how the episode wrapped up with Eddie telling Billie that she is nothing. She may think that she has landed this big fish in Nucky, but really she’s just a flavor of the week. You tell her Eddie!

Lucy Danzinger was of course Paz de la Huerta‘s character…at least before she was fired prior to season 3….

Whew, there was a lot of stuff in this episode. Some of it wasn’t so great, others was damn near perfection. That scene with Gyp walking through the dead bodies and pools of blood? Very reminiscent of Taxi Driver and just an incredible scene.

Going to have to go with a four out of five on this one. Gillian Darmody and the boring Senate hearing drug it down.

In the news section of today’s review – Boardwalk Empire has been picked up for Season 4! I don’t think anyone saw this as a big surprise, but it is nice to know. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know for myself, I’ve been burned by canceled shows enough times that when something hasn’t been officially announced as renewed, I just assumed it’s going to be gone.

One could hope that now they are certain they are a go for another season, perhaps they can spend a little bit more time with their other storylines. Hahaha, that’s never going to happen. Just ask Chalky White.

For now, I’m going to go sit in my Miller Chair (just kidding, I don’t have a Miller Chair but it is mentioned in the song that Eddie and Billie are singing at the end) and wait for next week.

Boardwalk Empire: 3.02 – “Spaghetti and Coffee”

This should be universally understood, but it needs to be said again: This is a review of this week’s (Season 3 Episode 2) episode of Boardwalk Empire. If you have not seen this episode and wish to not learn of what happens in this episode, do not read this.

To recap from last week: Nucky and Margaret are on the outs thanks to Margaret signing over the land deeds. Because Nucky can no longer just sit back and enjoy the riches he didn’t make off the highway project, he now has taken on the role of full-blown gangster. Richard Harrow killed Munya. We’ve got a new gangster in town, the Sicilian, Gyp Rosetti. Please don’t insult his intelligence, or lack thereof, because he will beat you. Chicago has troubles, we only see a snippet of them. Lady has a miscarriage in the lobby of the hospital that Margaret is now on the board of due to her generous donation that led to the building of a pediatric wing. Oh and Nucky is shacking up with the showgirl, Billie Kent.

Let’s move on!

I sometimes wonder what a psychiatrist would say if they were to analyze the fact that I can watch television people be shot all day long but sweet jesus don’t you dare let that goldfish die in the sink! That analysis will have to wait for another time because luckily, the goldfish was spared. It is yet to be seen if the same can be said for the rest of the Boardwalk Empire world.

Eli is out of jail! Yay! Mickey picks him up and then Eli asks the question that every single person that has ever watched the show has wondered – “How the hell are you still alive?” Mickey says something about bringing people together, I thinks it’s more that he is just a lucky bastard.  I sort of hate this episode because it made  me want to like Eli, or at the very least, feel sorry for him. He gets out of jail, obviously nothing has stayed the same, and he doesn’t know where he fits in anymore. He goes home to find that even his own son has taken his place as man of the house. I really don’t want to like Eli but damn, if that scene with him building the plane he bought for his son didn’t pull at the ol’ heartstrings.

The writers and Bobby Cannavale have done a wonderful job and creating tension every time Gyp Rosetti is on the screen. After his incredible overreaction to the 3-in-One guy, I fully expected him to beat the ever-loving crap out of the pump jockey. To the point that every time Gyp came on-screen, I was looking for a dead young man in a gas station uniform on the ground somewhere, all over a map scale. It appears as if in the span of one episode he seems to have grown up a bit. Instead of  hauling off and killing the kid, he instead buys the gas station. Oh and he pays off the cops. All so he can stick it to Nucky and Rothstein. Look out Nucky, the hot head is playing for keeps.

Owen is just a go-between for Margaret and Nucky now…Awkward. What I really want to see in a coming episode however, is someone haul off and just smack the shit out of Phillip. Dude has a smart mouth and I would have sworn that the “help” should be seen and not heard in this time period. STFU Phillip.

I loved the scene between Margaret and the lady who had the miscarriage there in the hospital lobby. You can just see that Margaret is trying to relate to this woman, they both have similar stories, but too much time and experiences have passed in Margaret’s life that the woman just isn’t buying it.

I’m continuing my love/hate relationship with Margaret though. I love when she gets all “who are you to talk to me like that?” but she doesn’t do it enough. She goes off on Dr. Mason but only after he provokes her. Had she gone in there, guns blazing, right off the bat, he’d never even had a chance to be an ass. Come on Margaret, sprout a set and don’t take no shit from nobody! I did have to laugh though when at the end of the episode after the maid tells her that Nucky won’t be coming home for some award thing with the diocese, she tells her to go ahead and get the suit ready anyway because “I’m afraid he’s mistaken.”  Granted we aren’t all married to gangsters, but that statement has been muttered by wives the world over since the beginning of time.

Nucky is up in New York, doing nothing but Billie Kent, who he thinks looks like the White Rock Girl. He does take a break from those activities to go and pay Daugherty. He arrives to find an empty room with just a bowl (the goldfish bowl from the first scene) and a note telling him to leave money. Of course he isn’t going to fall for this! So we get to meet none other than Gaston Bullock Means.

Mr. Means is played by the always enjoyable, Stephen Root and is another historical figure. Dude was quite the dirtbag, but he is so well spoken in the show and I’m always a fan of someone who superfluously uses adverbs. However, I am not a fan of people who talk about themselves in the third person so when Remus showed up, I was incredibly happy that he didn’t speak.

The scenes with Chalky and his family are always a hit. Well with me at least. This episode was no different. Maybelle’s beau (why did we stop using that word I wonder?) is back and asking Chalky for her hand in marriage. Problem is, Maybelle doesn’t think he is interesting enough to marry. Perhaps my favorite line of the entire episode is when Chalky asked her what she would do if she was married to a man like him, she says “I’ll write a poem about it.” Oh you foolish little girl.

I wonder what her poem would look like after this:

Apparently asking someone to stop running into your table is a knifeable offense. Of course the dude got that crap beat out of him and Chalky standing there asking if Maybelle was still interested was the highlight of the episode.

The greatest irony of the episode came towards the end when Nucky was baring his soul (well sort of) to Billie. He tells her that he wants nothing more than for “everything to run all by itself”. In reality, because he’s been lounging around getting jealous each time Billie’s phone rings, his people have been done over quite well by Gyp and the now wealthier Tabor Heights sheriff. So much so that they’ve tucked their tails between their legs and turned the convoy back around to Atlantic City.

All in all, this was a very laborious episode. I understand the need for building up storylines but man this was just full of it. I did like the Chalky storyline and the various historical nods, especially the one about Methodists in Tabor Heights. I’d imagine this had to do with Mount Tabor that was a Methodist camp there in New Jersey. Also lacking in this episode? Chicago! We did catch a glimpse of Rothstein as he and Nucky discussed who killed Munya but that was it.

So yea, it’s was a disappointing episode but hopefully the slowness of this will quickly build into some better episodes down the road. Not to do with just this episode, but if you have access to HBO GO and are an “extras” junkie like I am, I highly recommend watching the show on there. They’ve got a new “interactive features” that is quite informative and entertaining.

I have to give this episode, only a 3, because of the slowness.

I will leave you with this- in case you were wondering, meatballs are indeed, balls of meat.

Boardwalk Empire: 3.01 – “Raise the Toddy”

This should be universally understood, but it needs to be said again: #1- This is a review of this week’s (Season 3 Episode 1) episode of Boardwalk Empire. If you have not seen this episode and wish to not learn of what happens in this episode, do not read this.

Should be universally understood, but needs to be said again #2- RICHARD HARROW, LET ME LOVE YOU!!!!! Whew, it feels good to let that out.

Where did we leave off? Well screw the whole “who shot JR” catchphrase because holy shit we know who shot Jimmy Darmody and now we get to see the aftermath. Not only that but we had a “pen is mightier than the sword” moment as we watched Margaret sign over the Land Deed to that annoying priest’s church.

We pick up at the end of 1922 – all our gangster friends are preparing to ring in 1923 in style. Oh and we’ve got a new gangster friend – Gyp Rosetti. He’s a little bit of a hot head and whatever you do, do not step on his toes. Especially if they are covered in 3-in-One.

One of my favorite things about this show is how they work in references to real people and events of the time. Right off the bat, as Gyp’s guys are working on a flat tire he mentions Walt Wallet of Gasoline Alley.

Enough of Gyp, what about Nucky?. How has he dealt with killing Jimmy? Is he as broken up about it as Jimmy said he would be? Did he blow a gasket about the Land Deed? Did he have Margaret offed for it? Where are the kids? I have so many questions!

As he is talking to someone, he seems in pretty good spirits. Eating breakfast, enjoying coffee, mentioning his children (so perhaps things are still good in the Thompson household), and then ordering Munya to shoot a thief in the head after toying with his emotions for a while. Oh Nucky, you seemed to have stepped in the “full gangster” shoes quite well.

As for Margaret, she’s busy putting the final touches on a New Year’s Eve party and telling lippy chauvinist servants named Phillip to shove it. Oh but wait – we find out where the land money went to! The “Enoch and Margaret Thompson Annex”, a pediatric wing to the hospital. Not only that, but she is also on the board of directors. A young doctor points that out when telling her that the woman Margaret witnessed actively miscarry her child in the hospital lobby could have been spared had their been proper prenatal care and education. I think we all know where this is going – welcome to a storyline for Mrs. Thompson.

Speaking of women having sex and getting pregnant (this wins for the award for worst segue ever), Gillian seems to have decided that she’s going to run a brothel.  Not only that, but she’s hired Richard Harrow (who, just as a reminder, I love) as Tommy’s caretaker. Seriously, if there continue to be scenes built around Richard and Gillian, my husband is going to be convinced that I’m bipolar as I was screaming at the TV last night alternating between “I hate you Gillian! I love you Richard! How dare you call yourself his mother Gillian! Richard I just want to hug you!” Just look at this picture and tell me it doesn’t make you want to punch that incestual creep of a woman in the face. And then take moonlit walks on the beach with that fabulous man.

The Van Alden’s have moved to Illinois and Agent Van Alden is now a door to door salesman. Oh wait – we also got caught up on what Johnny Torrio and Al Capone are doing nowadays. I’ll admit that the Chicago storyline has never done much to keep my attention, probably because like in this episode, it always seems like a “Oh yea we’ve got these characters over in Chicago and everyone knows Al Capone so we should probably throw them in this episode as well” kind of situation. Stephen Graham does such an incredible job as Al Capone that I feel badly about not really caring about them. Perhaps this is the season that Chicago will get the airtime it deserves.

That being said, Chicago can be summed up in these few words: turf war, deaf kid, Capone is pissed, Van Alden saves the Irish guy’s bacon and has a new baby with the nanny turned wife.

It’s party time! The Thompson’s have all their friends over for an Egyptian themed NYE bash and outside of Gyp Rosetti, everyone is having a great time. He wants rum and what the hell? Nucky has decided to sell only to Rothstein. Gyp is going to be a great character to watch if for no other reason than he has the best insults. He called Nucky a “breadstick with a bowtie”. I mean come on, that’s poetry right there.

It seems as if everything is right as rain with Nucky and Margaret, even when Margaret inadvertently insults the doctor. Of course he thinks she is barking up the wrong tree about the prenatal care and how dare she even suggest that it was the hospital’s fault and yea, this is her new hill to die on it appears. When the last guest leaves and the door closes, I fully expected a little rebuke perhaps, but a hug and kiss and let’s go to bed dear. Why did I expect this? Because I bought the setup hook, line, and sinker. I was drawn in to this “everything is okay between Nucky and Margaret, look they are having a party and everyone is laughing and singing and Nucky is dancing and Margaret is smiling” facade without even questioning it. That door closed and Nucky’s transformation took my breath away. We learned that things are not okay in the Thompson house. Things are far from okay. Nucky isn’t even living there! He’s back at his suite and surprise, surprise he’s shacking up with another brunette showgirl. Because that worked out so well for him last time.

My disappointment over the Nucky/Margaret situation (in my mind they walk off into the sunset hand in hand and live happily ever after), was quickly lifted as we saw Richard again. Well first we saw Manny and his wife having a nice moment, she bought him a new hat, how sweet. Then the door opens, there’s Richard. BOOM- Head Shot!

Richard FINALLY! takes revenge for Angela’s murder. Watching his face as he told Tommy of his mother (his real mother not that hobag that is trying to convince the poor boy otherwise) was just heartbreaking.

The episode closes out with the obvious “Margaret wants freedom” scene. She decides to go out and see the female pilot, Carrie Duncan pass by and her face is filled with that “I wish I could just fly away by myself” look.

Outside of that storyline, I thought the episode was fabulous. Especially the introduction of Gyp and how well they fooled the audience (me at least) on the whole Nucky and Margaret thing. It did present more questions though- will Van Alden join the dark side so he can buy his nanny/wife a house? Is Richard going to hook back up with a crew or just meander aimlessly taking care of Tommy and resisting the urge to smack Gillian on a regular basis? How is this whole “Nucky only sells to Rothstein” thing going to work out? What new insults is Gyp coming to come up with? How much are Teddy and Emily going to love their new dog? So much to look forward to!

4/5 Bears for this one.