Countdown to Halloween #26: Damien Thorn

In a genre that benefits from creepy kids doing creepy things, none of them compare to Damien Thorn, the literal son of the Dark Lord himself. Portrayed four times by four different people in four different movies, Damien’s never gotten the cinematic treatment he deserved. The one true great Damien is the original Damien,  starring in the 1976 film The Omen directed by Richard Donner, who went on to direct a film about the purest soul in Earth’s existence (gotta savor that irony, no?).

Ted – 2 AM Text Review

My buddy Aaron is a bartender for a certain movie theater here in Michigan, and on occasion, the theater will have advanced employee screenings for movies the Wednesday night prior to the film’s release. These are his thoughts on TED…

Aaron: WAKEUP SNOWFLAKE!! Just finished watching Ted. – 2:02 AM

Aaron: Between the last 2 seasons of family guy and the entire existence of the Cleveland show, I was pretty sure ol’ Seth had blown his load on funny things to – 2:03 AM

Aaron: say. – 2:04 AM

Aaron: Turns out, he blew his load on FCC approved things to say. Genuinely funny. Some pretty good moments. But a movie about a teddy bear for 2 – 2:05 AM

Aaron: hours?!?! – 2:06 AM

Aaron: Much like me ordering a jack and coke, it’s predictable, but nice to see all Seth needed to be funny again was less restrictions. Let’s say 7 out of 10.  – 2:09 AM

Aaron: Oh, and of course, your much needed boob count: 2. Nice ones too, which means they didn’t belong to Meg.  – 2:10 AM

– Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – 2 AM Text Review

“GI Joe: Retaliation” Moves to 2013,”Ted” Takes Its June Spot

In one of the more surprising stories this week, it’s being reported that the much-anticipated sequel to 2009’s GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is being pushed back a whole nine months to March 29th of next year so 3D can be added. In other words, they’re moving it back a few months so they can make more money with a spring release. In fact, Paramount Execs are so upfront about said money-making, that one of them released a statement saying, “We’re going to do a conscientious 3D job because we’ve seen how it can better box office internationally.” I rest my case. [Ed. – It’s better than pushing it back for ‘reshoots’, which is almost always a sign of a shit movie…]

Red Band Trailer for Seth MacFarlane’s ‘Ted’!

Chances are if you are a 20-something fun individual you have at one point or another enjoyed a good session of Family Guy. If you know Family Guy then I would wager your favorite characters are either Peter, Brian, or Stewie. So you will probably be pretty excited to hear that Seth MacFarlane’s new film Ted finally has a trailer out, which is Red band. That means NSFW, people. Ted stars Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis (shut up, Meg) and of course, Seth MacFarlane as the voice of Ted.

Rachel Weisz Joins the Cast of Oz: The Great and Powerful

The latest word ’round the campfire about Oz: The Great and Powerful was that Sam Raimi and Disney were having a little bit of a casting spat. Raimi wanted Hilary Swank to play the role of Evanora, the wicked witch of the East. Disney on the other hand wanted Michelle Williams to occupy the role. Thankfully neither one of them was given the role and it has since passed to Rachel Weisz.

I am totally digging Weisz being in this role. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in a movie as a villain so this will be refreshing. Plus if she’s the sister of Mila Kunis it had better someone almost as hot cast in the role. Hilary Swank may be able to act but she is pretty hideous next to Kunis.

What a great wicked witch she'll be

So I would seem like the main characters of the movie have all been cast with the addition of Weisz as Evandora. If you haven’t heard anything about the movie, James Franco will be playing the Wizard as he first arrives in the merry old land of Oz and Mila Kunis will be playing the future Wicked Witch of the West. Sound off below on how you think the movie is starting to look cast wise!

Natalie Portman VS Her Body Double

Ahhhh, there’s nothing like a fresh dose of controversy to start your Monday off right. It’s even better when you can’t figure out why so many people or news outlets care enough to make it a controversy, and I can’t decide whether I’m helping or hindering it right now.

So here it is: Natalie Portman is being accused by her body double Sarah Lane, of not doing hardly any of the actual dancing in the ballet scenes of the movie Black Swan. According to an article on OTRC, Lane claims that Portman only did five percent of her dancing parts in the movie, while Portman’s fiancée Benjamin Milliepied said it was her 85 percent of the time. Darren Aronofsky and Mila Kunis both also back up Portman.

The biggest question that I pose however is; Who gives a crap?

As everyone probably knows by now, Natalie Portman won the ‘Best Actress Oscar’ this year for her performance in Black Swan. I thought the movie was okay, but critics everywhere have praised it as a masterpiece of cinema. And now it all comes down to this? She didn’t do her fair share of ballet dancing? I would hope Darren Aronofsky focused more on the story itself, and bringing out the best acting in his cast than on ballet dancing. Is everyone supposed to be surprised she had a body double for the dancing part? I was more interested in other parts of the film, you know, the parts where Natalie Portman is losing her mind and morphing into a f–king Swan. After watching the “scene” with Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis my first reaction is: what ballet?

Until they add in a best ballet dancer category at the Academy Awards maybe Sarah Lane should switch her face to the off position.

“I’m sorry? Did you say a Ballet? I wasn’t paying attention.”

I may be a bit biased because I’m a dude and think Natalie Portman is one of the best things to happen to geeks since the Star Wars prequels were announced. (Which sounded good at the time but turned out not so good.) After the Serena Williams controversy a couple of days ago (click her name for link.) it seems like highly successful women are coming under fire from some of the most ridiculous nonsense.

I for one could care less about Natalie’s dancing prowess at this point because I’m eagerly awaiting the upcoming comedy starring herself, James Franco and Danny McBride titled Your Highness, which comes out next Friday – April 8th. Swords, Sorcery and Natalie Portman in a thong anyone?

Our review of Your Highness will soon follow its release.

Oz. You Know, the Great and Powerful…and Mila Kunis

It seems like Oz: The Great and Powerful is gearing up to be quite a flick. This is a prequel to the much beloved Judy Garland classic from 1939. It takes place years prior to Dorthy and Toto’s arrival, this time focusing on the arrival ‘the Wizard’; James Franco. I’m a big fan of Franco, and I can’t wait to see him in his portrayal of the Wizard, as he arrives in the land of Oz. His character is described as such:

“a fast-talking snake oil salesman and illusionist who flees a traveling circus and winds up whisked away in a hot air balloon by a tornado to Oz where he must face off against real magic and the sisters battling for control of the land.”