WWE Monday Night Raw Recap & Review: July 25th, 2011

Tonight’s episode of Raw is scheduled to start with the WWE championship match, however something about starting the night with a title match doesn’t seem quite right, so I’m sure we can expect some surprises in this one.

And HERE WE GO…….

The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio (WWE title on the line)

As Raw begins Rey Mysterio’s music  hits and he comes out to the ring, head butting all the little kids with masks on in the front row as usual. It’s pretty sad that I’ll be disappointed if either one of these two clowns wins the WWE championship. The match begins with a few lock ups but nothing too exciting to start the bout. Once the match gets started the Miz begins taking control, and Michael Cole is loving everything about the Miz like usual. Raw cuts to a commercial break but when it comes back on the air we see the Miz go for a pinfall but doesn’t get the three count. Mysterio begins to gain some momentum but not before Miz counters and gets another close pinfall. I will admit the intensity inside the arena is pretty awesome, it is definitely way louder than usual. Mysterio hits the 619 and gets the pinfall victory to win the WWE championship!

After the match the Miz attacks Mysterio from behind, and as soon as he is done, Alberto Del Rio comes out with his money in the bank  suitcase. However before he could get the match to start Rey Mysterio hit Alberto with a cross body from the top rope.

Commercial Break…

When Raw returns we see Rey celebrating in the back with the rest of WWE locker room and John Cena comes up and shakes his hand, congratulating him on the title win.

Commercial Break…

Dolph Ziggler vs. (My boy) Evan Bourne

Evan Bourne hits Ziggler with a drop kick, but his control of the match is quickly taken away by Ziggler. Vicki and her annoying voice won’t shut up as usual and it’s very hard to concentrate on the match. Side note: I would love to see Evan Bourne and Rey Mysterio have a match against each other. Bourne begins landing a few more drop kicks and gets a bit more offense going. Bourne’s luck is about to run out as Ziggler gets Bourne in a sleeper hold to end the match. As annoying as Vicki is, I am extremely impressed with Ziggler, and really do feel like if he gets rid of Vicki as his side kick (or whatever she is) he could be an entertaining WWE champion.

Commercial Break…

Eve and the Bellas are arguing back stage when Keith Stone himself interrupts and pulls some smooth moves.

Maryse and Melina vs. Kelly Kelly and Eve

Maryse is getting destroyed by Eve, but begins to retake control soon after. Maryse then delivers a stink face to Eve in the corner (Not nearly as awesome as when Kelly Kelly does it, but still pretty good).

Melina gets tagged into the match and so does Kelly Kelly, who begins to dominate Melina. Kelly Kelly hits her finishing move and gets the three count.

Commercial Break…

Triple H begins making his way out to the ring to give the State of the WWE Address. He begins by praising Vince McMahon, and saying thank you to Vince for all he has done for the business. Triple H then announces that there will be a second championship match tonight between John Cena and the new WWE champion Rey Mysterio. Triple H then announces that “Good Ole” Jim Ross has been resigned to Raw. JR then makes his way out to the ring to shake Triple H’s hand then heads to the announce table. Michael Cole then grabs a mic and tells HHH that he refuses to work with Jim Ross. Triple H then says that if Cole leaves he would be in violation of his contract. Triple H then says that Cole has a match next, and he must wear the wrestling gear that Triple H has picked out for him.

Right after all of this, R-Truth walks out to the ring and begins talking conspiracy again. He then asks Triple H what he is going to do about the conspiracy against him. After Triple H makes fun of him, R-truth walks out, and Triple H then tells R-Truth that he resigned John Morrison, who then comes out and attacks R-Truth. Morrison hits R-Truth with the “star ship pain.”

Commercial Break…

Michael Cole vs. Zack Ryder 

Michael Cole comes out where Triple H attire, he even does the water spit. Zack Ryder hits his finishing move right off the bat and gets the pin fall and the match is over. After weeks of CM Punk complaining about Zack Ryder not being put on Raw, he finally gets his first match and only gets to show one of his moves. I really wanted to see more of this guys wrestling ability.

Commercial Break…

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

Kingston begins the match by making Del Rio look stupid in the ring with him. I’m thoroughly entertained by this guy. When Raw comes back from the commercial break Del Rio is actually in control inside the ring again. Kingston almost wins with a cross body from the top rope. Del Rio begins to target the injured arm of Kingston and gets a close pinfall himself. Del Rio then continues to target the arm and forces Kingston to tap to a cross arm bar. 

Commercial Break…

Rey Mysterio vs. John Cena (WWE Championship Match)

I am very surprised that John Cena got the reception from the crowd that he gets, especially after everybody loved Mysterio in the first match of the night. Rey Mysterio begins the match trying to wear John Cena down with a few headlocks. And the “Let’s go Cena/ Cena Sucks” chants have begun loud and clear inside the arena. I don’t see how the WWE can keep Rey Mysterio as an entertaining champion. We have all seen everything he has to offer and it isn’t enough to capture any long lasting attention from the WWE universe. With that being said I think if Rey wins the match tonight, it wont be long until he loses the belt. Back to the match, it’s fairly back and forth. Cena blocks the 619 and slams Mysterio onto the mat. If I had to score this match, I’d say Mysterio is probably getting the better of Cena in the main event. Mysterio actually locks John Cena in the STFU, and Cena begins to stand up. Mysterio hits the 619, but Cena counters the body drop from the top rope. As Mysterio goes for a second 619, Cena grabs the legs of Mysterio and hits him with the Attitude adjustment and gets the win!

As the match ends, John Cena is in the middle of the ring, when an unfamiliar music hits the arena. John Cena begins to look around, and as the camera pans over to the entrance way we see none other than………..CM Punk come walking down to the ring with his championship belt around his waste. The crowd begins to go crazy and when Punk reaches the ring Cena lifts his belt up in the air as the crowd begins to cheer. However, CM Punk does the same with his belt but gets a standing ovation from the crowd when he does. Clearly CM Punk is back, and I think we all know who the crowd favorite is.

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WWE Monday Night Raw Review: June 13th 2011

Tonight is All Star Night! I don’t know what the hell that means except tonight’s Raw is three hours long! I’ll be your writer for the first hour of tonight’s broadcast, and Godzark will take it home with the last two.

After last week, Stone Cold Steve Austin is back for more as tonight’s Raw manager, and he comes out to stop one of those dime a dozen Miz rants just before I’m about to change the channel. He makes it clear to Miz that he’ll stomp the shit out of him if he doesn’t listen. Austin gives Miz his due and lets him know that him and Alex Riley will be getting some much-needed “therapy” right in the ring tonight… By Rowdy Roddy Piper in Piper’s Pit. If you don’t remember, that is Roddy Piper’s famous in the ring talk show. Note exhibit A below:

We can only hope he smashes someone in the face with a coconut. Miz leaves the ring and up pulls Alberto Del Rio with one of his beautiful cars. The scum bags are coming out of the woodwork for All Star Night! Del Rio babbles for a second about how gloriously awesome he is before Austin brings up the Big Show, and Del Rio’s monkey boy running his leg over with a car. He figures since Del Rio can’t fight Big Show, he can do the next best thing in a match with Show’s partner Kane right now. Unfortunately the match wasn’t very long at all. Kane had the upper hand most of the time, utilizing his brute force against Del Rio, but then our Mexican friend busts out crucifix armbar and doesn’t let go even after Kane grabs onto a rope. The ref calls the match as a disqualification and Del Rio still won’t let go, but then Big Show runs out…. yes he ran out on his leg that was run over by a car. Ok….

WWE Monday Night Raw Review: May 23, 2011

Fresh off of last night’s Over the Limit, Jerry Lawler makes his way to the ring. Victorious over Michael Cole, Jerry brings out Bret the Hitman Hart to help him celebrate. I seriously was so glad to see Cole get humiliated last night not only by Hart and Lawler, but by Eve and JR as well. I’m hoping Cole will either go back to being a non heel commentator or just go to Smackdown because I can’t stand the sound of his voice. Surprisingly as Bret Hart is talking, he is interrupted by… R Truth?

Truth of course sits there babbling on about how he should get a title shot and how maybe he needs to beat on a hall of famer to get some respect. Good call Truth, going the Jericho route. Hart of course tells him to bring it on, but then that irritating John Cena music comes on and out comes the still WWE champ. He tells Truth the truth about what a nut bag he is and is about to take him on before the anonymous Raw manager (still? Really?) interrupts them all announcing he may give R Truth a shot after the main event tag match tonight, between CM Punk/R-Truth and John Cena/Rey Mysterio.

Our next match is a tag-team championship match between the champions Kane and Big Show vs Nexus members David Otungah and Michael McGillicutty. The match goes just like every other Kane-Big Show tag match. The opposite team unrealistically competes, except this time against the Nexus you can be guaranteed of cheating. That is of course what happens except this time they don’t get caught and it results it the Kane-Show losing their titles. I can honestly say this makes things a little better because nothing garners more interest in a match than seeing heels lose the belt. Otungah and McGillicutty are pretty damned boring with not a whole lot of talent going around, and I can’t wait until someone else takes the belts from them. It for sure doesn’t look like Show and Kane will be getting a rematch soon, since Big Show had his leg ran over in an altercation involving Alberto Del Rio and his Ferrari.

Finally the inevitable happens and Michael Cole comes down to the ring looking as if he’s going to cry. But the guy actually apologizes to not only Jerry Lawler, but everyone else and the fans. His only wish is that he can commentate side by side with Jerry on Raw and put the whole thing behind them. Jerry accepts after getting in a couple more jabs in at Cole. Thank god the feud is done and I can finally deal with Michael Cole being around again.

Immediately after, The Miz comes out with his butt buddy Alex Riley to bitch and complain about how he deserves another shot at the belt. The general manager responds by telling Miz no and monkey boy Miz fires Riley in a rage. He even slaps Riley causing the guy to snap. It was actually pretty gratifying to see Riley finally put an ass whooping on the Miz.

Yup, that’s the Miz

The next sees all of the lovely divas coming down to the ring for an eight woman tag match. I would tell you everyone involved but after Kelly Kelly and one of the Bellas start the match it is interrupted by Kharma who gets into the ring and inexplicably falls to her knees having a nervous breakdown as the divas watch on puzzled. I was a little puzzled too as we come back from commercial and all of the divas are gone. Uuuuuhhh okay.

We are then presented with a match between the U.S. Champion Kofi Kingston and Drew McIntyre, which a decent match but all too brief as many of the matches were tonight. All three of them…

After a nice Macho Man memorial the main event finally gets started with Bret Hart as the special guest referee. The match was pretty decent yet once again only about 7 minutes long after commercials. After a few twists and turns in the end Cena and Mysterio won with help from the ref. It felt a little cheap but they’ve made such a joke of R Truth that I find it hard to care. I was hoping for a little more out of a two-hour wrestling show instead of thirty minutes (if even) of actual matches. Booooo!

WWE DRAFT 2011 – MORE PICKS! 4-26-11

During the day there were a whole bunch of other draft picks that occurred. Let’s start with who will be going to Smackdown!

Smackdown Drafts

1. Sheamus (United States Champion)
2. Alex Riley
3. Tamina
4. Tyson Kidd
5. Ted DiBiase
6. Jey Uso
7. Natalya
8. Yoshi Tatsu
9. William Regal
10. Alicia Fox
11. Jimmy Uso
12. Great Khali
13. Daniel Bryan

Raw Drafts

1. Beth Phoenix
2. Tyler Reks
3. Kofi Kingston
4. Chris Masters
5. Curt Hawkins
6. Drew McIntyre
7. JTG
8. Kelly Kelly
9. Jack Swagger

It would seem that Raw definitely got the short end of the stick this year in the quantity section but talent wise it would appear they made out okay. They kept Cena, though the talent part and how he was double picked last night makes him not so great a pick. I’m sure people will disagree with me so go for it. They were however, able to acquire the Big Show, Rey Mysterio and Alberto Del Rio. Besides the gorgeous Kelly Kelly coming back to Raw, we will see Kofi Kingston returning and Drew McIntyre coming in to I’m sure stir up some trouble. Oh and also we have Jack Swagger coming back to Raw, because it wasn’t enough to have him there every week with Michael Cole anyways, making an anus of himself in the process. Other than that, we have jobbers like Chris Masters making the trip over. I thought Chris Masters was already back on Raw…

Smackdown was able to get Randy Orton as their headliner now that Edge is retired. They were also able to count the up and comer Sin Cara as part of their roster last night. One notable pick from today would be the United States champion Sheamus, hopefully they can find something for him to do on Smackdown, because on Raw he was getting a little stagnant. Though a total douche, it will be interesting to see Alex Riley off on his own and not being the little monkey boy to the Miz. The pair of them together was really starting to make me nauseous every Monday night.

So what does everyone else think about the draft picks from this afternoon? How about from last night? Check out my review from last night below! And be sure to voice your opinion in the comment section below!

Monday Night Draft!

Enjoy this gratuitous Kelly Kelly butt shot.

WWE Wrestlemania 27 Review: The Year of the Snooki

Wrestlemania officially came and went tonight. It sometimes sizzled, but most times fizzled. I watched it with my brother tonight, getting that nostalgic feeling watching it at times. And yes… we both know and have known for a very long time that wrestling is indeed fake. However, this is a tradition we do try to keep every year and it was for the most part very entertaining. Certain wrestlers we thought would emerge victorious did not in several matches, especially in the first match that we will start with.

Championship Match: Alberto Del Rio V.S. Edge

Surprisingly the first match of the night was for the World Heavyweight Championship belt that is usually retained by the champion on Smackdown, which is currently held by the Rated R Superstar Edge. His challenger… this year’s Royal Rumble winner Alberto Del Rrrrrrrriiiioooooo! And yes, he is a rich Mexican themed wrestler who drives out to every match in a Rolls-Royce. But down to business…

I thought for sure Del Rio was going to come out on top for this one. This guy has been built up on Smackdown for months now and it all culminated with a shocking win in the Royal Rumble. I knew for sure he wasn’t going to challenge the WWE Champion from Raw, so it was a given it would be a Del Rio/Edge matchup at Wrestlemania. What I didn’t bank on was Del Rio losing to Edge. I’m not so sure this will be the end of their feud nor the end of Del Rio as a contender, but one thing is for sure – Del Rio looked like a whiny little bitch after the match while Edge beat the crap out of his Rolls-Royce with a crowbar. I don’t know about you guys but I’d be intervening ASAP on someone smashing a car that nice.

Overall this was a pretty entertaining match, with little interference by those outside the ring by Del Rio’s ring announcer Ricardo and the rotund Brodus Clay. Plenty of spears and arm breakers to go around. Winner: Edge

Cody Rhodes v.s. Rey Mysterio

In this match we were able to see the Rhodes/Mysterio feud come to a head. You see, the once Dashing Cody Rhodes has recently had to wear a face mask to protect his face from further damage after reconstructive surgery. He needed the surgery, he claims, due to the devastating 619 Mysterio gave to him months ago. Apparently Rey Mysterio’s knee brace added a little more power to the infamous move.

One interesting moment was before the match began as Mysterio entered the arena wearing a Captain America styled outfit. I can only say at least he took off the ridiculous red gloves before the match started. A valiant effort Rey, but maybe you should lay off the superhero them.

The match itself wasn’t overly long, but filled with all the high-flying maneuvers that Rey Mysterio is famous for. The match took a ridiculous turn when Cody’s mask was removed (Interestingly I didn’t see any sign of facial reconstruction.) and used by Rey to headbutt him several times. Then to top it off, Cody used Rey’s own knee brace to pummel him and then finish the match with the Crossroads. Sorry little Rey, but maybe you can get some revenge on Raw tonight. Winner: Cody Rhodes

 

 

The Corre V.S. Kane, Big Show, Santino and Kofi

This match was a bit useless and thankfully short. Though it had plenty of superstars I normally enjoy, any match where the walking joke Santino leads them to a win is enough to make me puke. After starting the match, it instantly gets out of control once Big Show gets in to start destroying Heath Slater. After Ezekiel gets in to take out Big Show there is a flurry of specialty moves occurring left and right. Santino then does his patented Cobra strike to Heath Slater and Big Show finishes him off with a ham sized fist to the face, winning the match with a pinfall. I think the match lasted all of six minutes, so thanks for the throwaway match WWE. And also please fire Santino. Winners: Kane, Big Show, Santino and Kofi Kingston.

Losers x4

Randy Orton V.S. CM Punk

Straight Edge Scumbag

Another match with no title hanging in the balance, only a possible end to another long running feud between two fan favorite superstars. After all the skull kicking CM Punk and his Nexus minions have received from Randy’s foot, tonight was the night to end it all hopefully. The match was nothing special, but well paced and ending in true Randy Orton style…. with a mid-air RKO to end the match. Again, I am very pleased with the absence of all the outside interference that ruins the pay per view matches. Now maybe Randy Orton can get back into the race for the WWE Championship that has eluded him these past months. I can’t tell anymore if people want to see Randy as a hero or villain (Face or Heel). Personally I want to see him back at his twisted sadistic self, but against someone other than John Cena. Winner: Randy Orton

Orton loves kicking skulls…

Jerry Lawler V.S. Michael Cole

“Uhhh Derrrr…”

I couldn’t wait for this match because I’ve been aching to see Michael Cole get a real good beating because quite frankly I can’t freakin’ stand him. Hearing him drone on with obvious bias to the villains in each match was bad enough but then before the match we had to hear him even more on his trek to the ring. At least Stone Cold Steve Austin busted out on a four-wheeler to shut the little weasel up for a bit.

After Lawler comes out and some prodding to get Cole in the ring the match finally starts with Jack Swagger in Cole’s corner and Steve Austin as the special referee. Cole gets a cheap shot in on Lawler and beats on him for a bit until Lawler finally gets ahold of him. Swagger actually tries to throw in the towel to call the match off which Stone Cold promptly uses to wipe off the sweat from his bald head before giving Mr. Swagger a Stone Cold Stunner. Lawler proceeds to whoop on Cole until he taps out from an ankle lock submission hold. Cue applause and Austin and Lawler enjoy a few beers together in the ring before the general manager sends and e-mail announcement that commentator Josh Matthews reads to the audience.

It turns out the still “anonymous” general manager of Raw thought that Austin interfered too much on Lawler’s behalf and disqualifies him making Cole the actual winner. This must have been hard to announce given the fact that Michael Cole recently called Matthews a “faggot” over twitter. To make matters even worse in a stunning move (pun intended) Lawler throws Matthews in the ring to get a Stunner from Austin. Talk about killing the messenger. Inexplicably, Austin’s Tough Enough partner in crime Booker T leaves the commentators table to join Austin and Lawler in celebrating by doing his famous break dancing in the middle of the ring. Then, in what I thought was the funniest part of the night, Booker T begins to drink a beer offered to him by Austin before he is also given a Stone Cold Stunner. A huge geyser of spit out beer and Booker T on the ground follows with Austin smiling and saying something to the effect of – “I had to do it.” Vintage Austin. Official Winner: Michael Cole

Undertaker V.S. Triple H

“Nice hammer….”

This was the match that I think everyone including myself were waiting for and it was by far the best match of the night. Sure there weren’t any titles on the line or even a career long feud between the two. Triple H was just the next obvious choice to attempt breaking the Undertaker’s unbeaten Wrestlemania streak which at this point stood at 18-0. To make it even better this was a no holds barred, no disqualifications or count out match and these two superstars definitely took it to the limit.

They broke the spanish commentators’ table of course. They used the steel steps and a nice folding chair. They both executed their specialty moves, with Triple H using at least two Pedigrees on the Taker. But pin after pin neither of these wrestling behemoths would yield. In the coolest moment of the match, Triple H gave the Undertaker his own move: the tombstone piledriver. To add insult to injury, Triple H even pinned the Undertaker as he himself would but shockingly the phenom kicked out of the pin. Triple H finally resorted to going beneath the ring for his patented tool the trusty sledgehammer to finish things but was surprised by being locked into the Taker’s submission move the Hell’s Gate. After what seemed like an eternity Triple H finally gave several weakened taps of the hand to signal his surrender and now the record still stands…. 19-0. I have to admit I thought that Triple H might win the match and end the Undertaker’s streak but now I think the WWE will let him retire with the record intact, maybe after win number 20. Winner: The Undertaker

 

 

Snooki, Trish Stratus and John Morrison V.S. Laycool and Dolph Zigler

“I can haz cheezburger?”

This is actually a match that I couldn’t give a dead moose’s last crap about, because I hate Jersey Shore and everyone involved in it. Especially Snooki. But I will definitely let you know who won so we can stop wasting time with it. Snooki, Stratus and John Morrison won the match after we had to see the horrendous Snooki do a front flip and expose her jelly rolls to all. Thank you for that WWE. Winners: Who cares.

 

Main Event: Cena V.S. Miz (Champion)

 

This match was very much like the Jericho/Triple H follow up to the Hulk Hogan/Rock match-up at Wrestlemania 18; it’s a tough act to follow up. Try as this match might, it could not live up to the Undertaker-Triple H match that took place earlier in the night. It came down to the same stuff we see Cena and Miz doing nearly every Monday night and it just bored me. I fully expected Cena to win and when he didn’t I suppose that was the only surprise to come of it. I hate Cena but I definitely hate the Miz more so I was actually pulling for Cena to come out on top. The short match actually had a couple of surprising twists. Cena destroys Miz outside of the ring, at one point hurting himself too resulting in their joint count out. The title then stays in Miz’s hands. But wait, the Rock who is the host of this Wrestlemania comes out and begins to read a new e-mail from the general manager before stopping and smashing the computer. Rock then declares that the match will restart with no disqualifications or count outs. The match commences and in annoying fashion the Rock interferes with a Rock Bottom for Cena. The Miz pins him and wins. But the Rock isn’t finished, because he proceeds to attack the Miz also and gives him the most electrifying move in sports! (The People’s Elbow.) So a very lackluster ending to Wrestlemania which left a sour taste in my mouth. I was glad to have The Rock back but what a stupid way to end the biggest wrestling event of the year. Boo! Winner: The Miz

 

Check out what happened the following night at RAW!!!