Welcome to Comic Rack! My pick of the top five comic news stories in no particular order…
Iron Man Gets New Armor.
Frankly this shouldn’t surprise anyone. Iron Man gets a new armor every other week. That dude is constantly fiddling with his armor, always looking to improve or maintain it in some new way. He’s like that kid you knew in school, who kept modifying his toy models, or appliances, until they barely even resembled what they were anymore. Sure man, you added a series of remote-controlled LEDs, spring-loaded shelves, touch sensitive paneling, and an automatic motion sensor, but goddamnit it’s just a TV, now every time I walk by it turns on at max volume, the shelves fly out and I get hit in the calves. Did anyone else know that kid? Do you know what I mean? No? Right. Well regardless, his “new” armor, doesn’t really look that new.
It looks like a bigger, dumber version of his Hulkbuster armor. And we all know how successful that was at busting Hulks. Wait, what’s that? How many Hulks did he bust? Zero? Zero Hulks busted? C’mon Stark, get it together! Stop putzing around with your armor and get your head in the game! I WANT THOSE HULKS BUSTED NOW.
Cerebus Possibly Being Re-printed By Fantagraphics?
When you tell people about Cerebus, it’s one of those things you almost don’t believe. A guy wrote a parody fantasy epic, about an Aardvark, that becomes an example of a fantasy epic that it’s parodying, spirals into a societal and political satire, mutates into an insane polemic, and eventually becomes a document of its own author literally going insane, writing and drawing his own mad ravings into a published comic? So when people tell me they want to read it, I tell them that not only is it all of those things, but it’s incredibly LONG. How long? 300 issues, 6000 pages long. It’s a daunting task to try to read it, and even if you had the will, the books are hare to find, because there’s 13 of them. Even if you did feel like reading the slow, steady descent into madness by a comics writer/artist, you’d be hard pressed to find all 13 for the complete story.
Which is why it’s interesting to hear that Fantagraphics, a publisher long known for their brilliant, eclectic line up of independent comics, has been trying to get Dave Sim to commit to letting it be repackaged and republished. He’s being non-committal at the moment, but seems to be going back and forth on letting it happen, or never allowing it ever. Fantagraphics wants to republish it, hopefully in an attempt to get it into a form that’s a bit more manageable than 13 goddamn thick ass books you could kill a small dog with. If you haven’t read Cerebus, I don’t blame you. It’s dense, it’s weird, and towards the middle it’ll almost definitely offend in one way or another, but if you like insane ideas, concepts, and insane polemic stories that revolve around an animated Aardvark, I suggest you track it down.
Captain America, Our New President!
Yes that’s right. Captain America has been elected into office. Why? I’m not sure exactly, but Sam Humphries, the writer of The Ultimates, has said this:
“Captain America is not going to behave like any other president behaves… He takes the oath of office and barely takes a breath as he goes to hot spots. . . . Cap is out there because he’s so concerned about the state of the Union that he doesn’t have time to think about the State of the Union.”
Which is a statement that the more I read, the less sense it makes. Cap is so worried about us, he can’t worry about us? What kind of backwards motivational logic is that? In no way am I trying to slam Cap. In fact, I think his character is one of the best, and his sense of non-jingoistic, true patriotism, love for civil freedom and all of the things that America should stand for, but currently doesn’t, are what make his character great. In a real life situation, of course I’d elect a man like Steve Rogers for president, but unfortunately, men like him don’t exist. It’s fitting that something like this would only happen in a comic book, because it’s just as realistic as shooting lasers out of your eyes, or having adamantium bones. I have no doubt that Cap will be the president the marvel universe needs, rather than the president the marvel universe deserves, (everything can go back to Batman, FYI), but the thought in and of itself, in a vacuum, is quite humorous. What is he gonna throw his shield around when discussing foreign policy with a bunch of diplomats? Punch a skrull in the face hard enough that Health Care Reform happens?
Plus, Mr. President America doesn’t have the same ring to it, if we’re going by military rank.
Scoot’s Marvel Mashup!
Supascoot, here, I’m jacking some of CheeeeEEEEEeeesssse’s space because I am sickened by his disdain for Marvel and feel the need to represent a little bit. There, I said it. Now I apologize for my aggressive behavior as it’s very un-Canadian of me. Where was I? Right, Marvel stuff. Pretty much all the teasers Cheesebadger told you about last week are explained here. By me.
Cable makes his triumphant return along with a brand new X-Force written by Dennis Hopeless with art by Salvador Larocca and Frank D’Armata. I have always loved Cable, and by extension X-Force. This is good news. And an interesting lineup for the team. Domino (An X-Force Alum) Colossus (De-Juggernauted), and Doctor Nemesis (From the X-Club). It was also the WANTED teaser that was released last week. This makes me assume they are wanted for some reason. They will be hunted by the Uncanny Avengers, who are actually led by Cable’s uncle, Havok.. You gotta love time travel. Would you like to know more?
So what’s to come of Uncanny X-Force? Remender is moving on from the title and a new creative team and story is on its way. Sam Humphries and artist Ron Garney will be bringing us Psylocke and her team of ‘killers’ (yes, this was the KILLERS teaser released last week) in a story that takes place 6 month’s after the end of Remender’s run. On the team will be Storm (not a killer), Puck (Alpha Flight… not a killer), and Spiral (from any tale involving Mojo or Longshot. She’s a killer) with a few additions in the future. It also features the return of Bishop as the villain of the book. Would you like to know more?
Another series by Hopeless and artist Kev Walker will be Avengers Arena. Originally presented as the SURVIVE teaser last week, Avengers Arena is basically Battle Royale with Avenger’s Academy, The Runaways, Darkhawk and more all flung together on Arcade’s Murder island. Sound’s awesome right? Even better? The cover is a homage to Battle Royale, so you can put your nerd claws away and stop telling people they stole the idea. Would you like to know more?
And finally, the LIGHTNING teaser from last week which Badger thought was Punisher and I thought was the Thunderbolts turns out to be… a team of Thunderbolts that feature the Punisher. Put together by the Red Hulk, it also features Elektra, Venom, Deadpool, and a few more to be announced when the issues drop. This sounds like a great team book full of death. Written by Daniel Way with art by Steve Dillon, the team will be, well killing stuff I would assume. Lot’s of stuff. I can’t wait. Check out that cover. Would you like to know more?
That does it for me. You can have your article back now.
Thanks Scoot, but you forgot one teaser. In fact, it’s potentially the most important one of all:
The Return Of MarvelMan?!
Another in a series of teasers for Marvel NOW!, this one is a bit more current. The word on the street, so to speak, was that it was hinting at the return of the fabled Marvelman/Miracleman character. For those unfamiliar, Marvelman was a superhero that had some brilliant stories written by both Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman, and for reasons I don’t entirely understand, has been stuck in legal limbo, unable to be re-published for all to enjoy again and again. Issues of the original run are hard to find, and some can be costly, so the thought of bringing back his character, either into the current Marvel Universe, or simply just releasing a trade collection of those seminal Moore/Gaiman stories, would be AMAZING. Unfortunately, that may not be the case, and the teaser is probably having to do with Spider-Man. Current writer Dan Slott has said that what he’s planning to do for Spider-Man #700, will be referred to as the “Most Shocking Book Of 2012”. Considering the teaser, it’s release date of January, which lines up with the time Spider-Man #700 will be coming out, it’s most likely gonna be goddamned Spider-Man. I know, it’s not popular to dislike Spider-Man, but I just find him so uninteresting lately. I liked him a lot when I was younger, so maybe he’s a superhero geared towards the young? Maybe I am just some terrible asshole hater? Either way, if this teaser turns out to be Marvelman, I’d be happy.
I’m gonna copy Scoot’s weird, Starship Troopers/Propagandistic thing here, and say; Would you like to know more?