Ever wondered what a roasted turd might smell like? Well then look no further (if you have smell-o-vision) than Comedy Central’s next celebrity roast of the tiger blooded blow-hard Charlie Sheen. Yes the coked out former Two and A Half Men star will be joining the ranks of losers class acts including William Shatner, David Hasselhoff and Flavor Flav as people that some of the funniest comedians in the business lambast with plenty of crude jokes.
The Charlie Sheen Roast will air the same night as Ashton Kutcher’s debut on the long-delayed and Sheen-less Two and a Half Men! Take that you earthworms! The Vatican Warlock Assassin just owned you for all time. Seriously though, Two and a Half Men will still be watched by more people than the roast will, but I’m sure those true Sheen followers (Good God is there such a thing?) will tune in to watch their savior deploy his ordinance after he is made a joke of by the likes of Jeff Ross and Lisa Lampanelli. The Sheen has produced enough ammo for them in the past year that they could probably make the roast last three hours to our pure enjoyment. Stay tuned for some highlights of that laugh bombardment.
It would appear after all of the searching and rumors swirling around for the replacement of that tool-bag Charlie Sheen are finally coming to an end. Deadline reports that Ashton Kutcher, who had a brief and decidedly crappy movie career, will now be returning to his small screen roots with Two and a Half Men.
I for one had just hoped that it would end the show with Sheen leaving, because I’m almost positive he was the only reason people watched it but I’m not a big fan anyways. Here’s a snippet from Deadline:
Yes, ‘Charlie Sheen’s Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour’ has landed. Well, crash landed anyways.
Of all the places to start off, why do it in Detroit Charlie? I don’t live directly in Detroit, but I’ve lived in the greater metro area my whole life, and know just as well as anyone else how unforgiving the people there can be. And unforgiving they were according to Yahoo!:
The former “Two and a Half Men” star showed that comedic success on the screen doesn’t necessarily translate to the stage, and the capacity crowd at the 5,100-seat Fox Theatre rebelled before he left the stage, chanting “refund!” and walking out in droves.
I’m sure by now everyone has heard about that train wreck Charlie Sheen, and his firing from Dr Kronner’s favorite show Two and a Half Men, placing said show, and its future in limbo. Hopefully it never recovers and is lost forever.
While Charlie Sheen was “winning”, and getting paid close to two million per episode of complete crap, NBC had yet to renew two of television’s best shows. As of Wednesday, the fate of Parks and Recreation and Community were still up in the air, as both shows had yet to be renewed for next season.
Yesterday however, NBC pulled their heads out of their Peacock’s ass, and green lit another season of life for some of the only network shows worth watching. Let’s hope these shows find some better ratings next season.
So in the last month, Two and A Half Men has become doomed, and now NBC has renewed their 2 most under rated shows. That’s good stuff. Now here’s hoping that reality TV suddenly explodes as well.
Also in case anyone cares it looks as though Outsourced and Perfect Couples weren’t so lucky. With any luck they replace one of those with a spin-off about Ron Swanson, Ahbed, and Troy spin-off, where Ron becomes their butler like on Seinfeld‘s show within the show…
My feelings on TWO AND A HALF MEN are no secret – I hate it. Or should I say – hated it.
However, I have a confession to make, I think I love Charlie Sheen now. Over the last 2 weeks he has done numerous interviews in which he has let us know he is the Baddest Mother F**ker on the planet.
“I’m an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordinance to the ground.”
“The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”
“I’m not bi-polar, I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”
“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
“I’m tired of pretending I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”
“People can’t figure me out, they can’t process me, I don’t expect them to. You can’t process me with the normal brain.”
“[A.A.] was written for normal people, people that aren’t special. People that don’t have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA.”
“I think I’m worth over a 100 BILLION dollars, but that’s just on a cellular level.”
Well amidst all this sheer awesome-ness, Sheen found time to take a break from praising himself and attack TWO AND A HALF MEN creator Chuck Lorre. (tell me this isn’t the worst fricking resume ever)
“I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists.”
WINNING!!! But wait, there’s more…
“Everybody thinks I should be begging for my job back, and I’m just forewarn them, that it’s everybody else that’s gonna be begging me for their job back,” he said. “I’m a man of my word. So I will finish the TV show, I’ll even do season 10, but at this point, because of psychological distress, oh my god, it’s three mill an episode. Take it or leave it.”
When asked by the interviewer if Sheen, who currently rakes in about $2 million an episode, was genuinely demanding another six figures a week, the actor confirmed it.
“Well, yeah, look what they put me through. I’m underpaid right now, sure. If you look at the money they’re making, yeah, it’s ridiculous. I’m tired of pretending that I’m not special.”
So following his demand for a raise?
March 7th, 2011 – WARNER BROTHERS FIRES CHARLIE SHEEN! You can read the full letter HERE. If you don’t want to read the full 11 pages, there is a summary below…
[box_light] In the 11-page letter, obtained from sources connected to Charlie, Warner Bros. states, “Your client has been engaged in dangerously self-destructive conduct and appears to be very ill.”
The letter then goes on to describe Charlie’s hijinks, including trashing the Plaza Hotel in NYC, coke binges, on-set failures because of drug fatigue, and diatribes against “Two and a Half Men” creator Chuck Lorre.
The letter also notes that Charlie derailed production when he went into rehab, and then he fired his sobriety coach. In fact, Warner Bros. claims it was so concerned about Charlie’s well-being, “Warner Bros. had an airplane waiting” to take him to a treatment facility … but Charlie would have none of it.
As for why Charlie got fired, the letter says there is a clause in his contract saying they can fire a performer who commits “a felony offense involving moral turpitude.”
The letter says, “There is ample evidence supporting Warner Bros. reasonable good faith opinion that Mr. Sheen has committed felony offenses involving moral turpitude (including but not limited to furnishing of cocaine to others as part of the self-destructive lifestyle he has described publicly) that have ‘interfere[d] with his ability to fully and completely render all material services required’ under the agreement.”
In short, that’s why Charlie was fired.
Charlie’s lawyer, Marty Singer, has demanded Warner Bros. pay Charlie for the eight canceled episodes — or else. Warner Bros. seems undaunted by the threat, even reserving its right to take legal action against Charlie. [/box_light]
WOW. Thank you Charlie, you’ve truly done a service for the quality of Television.
Oh Charlie Sheen, you’re the gift that just keeps giving.
I’d like to point out that since my ‘Two Men and a Crackhead‘ piece, it’s been nothing but downhill for the show that’s so easy to hate. It now appears as though the show may be coming to an end and I couldn’t be happier. And apparently neither could Charlie Sheen seeing as he just wont shut up. He went on yet another radio show, and below is some of said audio. Thanks to our friends over at Filmdrunk have just created a masterpiece.
Like most Americans I spent hours of my life watching Lost. I didn’t start watching until during the third season at the request of friends so I just jumped into the first and second season DVD’s. I was hooked. Those first two seasons were so good at captivating me and teasing me with all these clever questions that they would only answer with more questions. The characters were engaging and the story was somewhat fresh. After catching up and somewhere in the fifth season I got my room-mate just as hooked in it as I was. We burned through the earlier seasons (again for me, first time for him) and caught up to speed quickly.
Unfortunately what we both soon realized was that the spark had quickly left the show. Unlike most shows where they “jump the shark” and continue to stick around long after their expiration date, Lost had promises of something different by giving its self a time limit on its story. However it only seemed that the reason the writers gave themselves this time line is because they realized they had written something too clever and now knew no way out. The story fell apart and the questions I had once had three seasons ago were now replaced with different things altogether. If it wasn’t for Lapidis keeping things so chill there would have been nothing saving that show at all. (I mean honestly, all that Walt build up, the hints of telekinetic possibilities, the others possessing some unknown power to silently walk through the woods only to find out it’s a fat old guy in a fake beard. Come on!) Finally though, it ended and my time was better spent wasted on other programs. However I always had a little bit of disdain whenever Lost would be brought up again. I felt betrayed by the writers for letting such a good idea get away and at myself for holding on to it for so long.
Recently I’ve noticed a similar trend with other shows I watch. Shows that I wouldn’t say “jumped the shark” just yet, but rather got Lost as I’m going to refer to it in up coming posts. I’m going to pick out shows I once loved, but now can barely recognize. This trend became clear to me when watching last weeks episode of another show I used to love, How I Met Your Mother.
I’m sure most of you didn’t even watch the last episode, because most people I know have just given up on it. Here’s a quick run down of the episode for you kids at home:
Marshall and Lily have given up on life and are married and boring and now useless to the show and life. No one cares about their storyline, only Alyson Hannigan’s boobs.
The writers are again trying to show Barney as more than just a funny suit. They introduced another love interest for him, which Robin attempts to help with, and again, no one cares about this. Everyone just wants to see a gay man try to hook up with slutty women all while saying clever things, and of course, Cobie Smulders’ boobs.
Ted is dating another new female who the show has built up for almost the whole season, like it does literally every season. They get all the way to the end of the episode and leave Ted and his new girlfriend (whose name I honestly don’t even remember because it means so little and I hate the show so much) [Ed. – Zoe] apparently super happy in love, and headed towards possibly finding out this is finally the mother. Only we don’t find that out. Instead out of no where it’s randomly revealed that this new love interest is not the “mother” that we all want to “meet”, but just another useless story line with great tits. The show laughs at our waste of time and poops noisily, on our chests.
It seems to me that the writers of this show had so little faith in this project they never expected to make it past season one or two. Now they are stuck in season six of a show with no end game. Someone needs to tell these writers that no one actually cares who the mother is. I know I don’t, and as long as she is well cast I don’t see how anyone else would. It would have been great if Sarah Chalke (Scrubs) had just stayed around, she would have made an excellent new cast member, instead she choose obscurity and is more than likely unemployed or dead. [Ed – which is the same as starring in the new, and sure to be canceled, or at least suck, CBS show MAD LOVE]
The fact of the matter is the show works because the characters are likable and the jokes were clever, Slapsgiving = classic. However the gag of teasing us with the identity of the mother is old. Its time for the show to move on and come to terms with it’s self. I might return for an episode or two here or there, but after this weeks steaming pile I’m out.
This show has officially become ‘Lost’. With Charlie Sheen (see legen—-dary, super awesome, hard partying, hooker beating, crack head) shutting down production of Two and a Half Men, (Dr Kronners’ favorite show) it looks like CBS is pretty much doomed. [Ed. If they weren’t rated #1 in everything] Let’s hope next season things shape up and TV magically finds a way to fix itself. Until then I’ll stick with NBC and hopefully others will too.
“I said stay off the crack, and I still think that’s pretty good advice, unless you can manage it socially. If you can manage it socially, then go for it, but not a lot of people can, you know?”
There you go America. That’s the star of your “#1 Show on Television”. I am in no way surprised that the star of TWO AND A HALF MEN, which I consider to be the worst scripted show on television, (though I’m sure MTV probably has something that could compete for the title) is a self promoting crack-head.
CBS has a business model that works. Produce mindless, run of the mill, cookie cutter TV shows and dominate the ratings. The scripts are like those Mad-Lib books where you just fill in the nouns and what not.
The other sure-fire way to the heart of the American viewer is to take Has-Been, semi-celebs and make them do physical challenges, like dancing.
Grizzly Bomb 