Ed Helms as Rusty Griswold Rebooting ‘Vacation’?

As we approach the 2012 Comic-Con, we must remember that there is other news out there that impacts the world that might not be reported. However, since I do not have the interest nor intelligence to write anything political or serious in nature, we will settle for some movie casting news. Perhaps the return of National Lampoon’s Vacation?

The Hollywood Reporter is…uhh…reporting, that Ed Helms is in negotiations to star in the reboot (Hollywood loves originality) for the Vacation series but with an added twist: he would not be Clark Griswold but he would take over as Rusty Griswold as he brings his family in the mix of shenanigans and mishaps and, let’s face it, awesomeness that comes from these movies.

The writers involved are none other than hot duo John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein of Horrible Bosses fame (although Daley will always be Sam Weir from Freaks and Geeks) but no director as of yet but I am sure if Helms does sign up, that will be no issue at all. Obviously the idea may not be totally original but I dig the idea of Rusty taking over and Helms can definitely hold attention on the big screen as long as he has good support around him to play off of (see: The Office or The Hangover). As long as Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo shows up then sign me up. Although 10 bucks says that Kate Upton is involved as random fantasized object of affection if they play by the same formula. I’m calling it right now.

I had to find a picture of her with a Tigers hat, don’t worry I’ll make it up at the end

On a sidenote, Ed Helms is apparently working on the Office, shooting a movie with Amy Poehler and Paul Rudd right now, filming the Hangover III in September, and supposed to do this movie in the spring? Anyone want to venture a guess that maybe he won’t be full time on the Office at this rate? Something to chew on because Lions Gate is on the Rudd/Poehler movie, Warner Bros (New Line specifically) is behind the Hangover and the Vacation series but we know that NBC show is produced by Universal who typically will not loan out stars in the middle of the television shooting season. I know the article says that they will shoot the movie after the Office wraps its latest season but I wanted to throw it out there. Stir the pot if you will.

Now, for the rest of you pervs, here’s your obligatory Kate Upton awesome pic. And no, she will not ruin Justin Verlander. That’s just stupid.

Review AMC’s Mad Men: Episode 504 “Mystery Date”

For those who wondered what historical time frame Mad Men was currently operating in, we got a pretty definitive answer Sunday night as much of the episode revolved around a murder case that occurred in July of 1966. We first get news of the infamous murder case when Peggy’s Time magazine photographer friend crashes the copy-writer meeting to show off the grizzly photos she’s collected from the crime scene. We get a taste of all of the societal elements being touched upon in this week’s episode in a nice little package. The re-introduction of Peggy’s professional lesbian feminist friend let’s us know that we will be seeing elements of the women’s rights movement. The discussion of how the murder case is trumping stories about the race riots in Chicago is a tip off that we will be dealing with more of the civil rights movement, and finally we get the juxtaposition of attitudes about the murder case itself as Ginsberg is horrified by everyone’s giddy fascination with the explicit photos. Before we follow through on these topics and visit the first true “Holy Shit” moment of the season lets get move on to bigger and better things, ie. Joanie.

Greg has returned from Vietnam to the anticipatory arms of Joan and his newborn son but we soon learn that he’s returning for another year of duty, as a volunteer no less. The somewhat hapless doctor has found a place where he is important and respected and is eager to return. Joan doesn’t take guff from anyone and lets face it, Kevin isn’t really Greg’s son anyhow, so she promptly shows him the door. Goodbye Greg, good luck in the late 60’s Vietnam, I bet his return in a year won’t be so damn proud and patriotic. As we see in the teaser at the end of the show Joan will soon be returning to the office where the awkwardness between her and Roger can resume.

Meanwhile at SCDP Roger is again caught with his pants down as he is completely unprepared for the upcoming Mohawk Airlines meeting, and he is forced and coerced into bribing Peggy to get his campaign in order. I missed the mark when it came to a potential Peggy/Roger romance last week, but their exchange was peppered with a bunch of great one liners.

Logical predictions for ‘John Cena vs. The Rock’ at Wrestlemania 28

Here’s the truth – I was content just sitting back until Wrestlemania and seeing what happens in the much anticipated main event clash between John Cena and the Rock. However, I can only read so many articles where a writer shoves his biased, bullshit, illogical opinion down my throat until I finally have to speak up. Here’s the deal Bleacher Report, I get it, you all like the Rock, and furthermore, you all seem to be convinced that John Cena is going to turn heel after or during his match at Wrestlemania, but you never seem to offer a valid explanation as to why. So right now, I’m going to take time out of my day to tell you all exactly why it’s not going to happen!

Over the past six years, the WWE has pushed John Cena as the face of the company. From make-a-wish trips, to anti-bullying campaigns, to representing the WWE at major sporting events, John Cena has done it all for the company. Let me ask you something, after years of investing all of this effort into John Cena being the man to respectfully represent the company, why in the Hell would they turn him heel? Who would the WWE send to anti-bullying campaigns?? The bad guy in the company?? I don’t think so! There is more to John Cena’s character than just his contribution to a storyline. I’ve been hearing about this John Cena heel turn for years, and low and behold it has not happened!

Not only would a John Cena heel turn be about the phoniest heel turn since good ole’ JR, but it would be extremely bad for business. Look into any crowd, on any given Monday Night Raw and you’ll see thousands of children pack the arena decked out in John Cena gear. John Cena has become an idol to the younger viewers with his superman like physique and his “never say die,” mentallity. Should John Cena turn heel, whose merchandise are these young fans buying?? That’s right, nobody’s, because nobody’s character appeals to younger fans the way Cena’s does. A Cena heel turn would not only kill merchandise sales, but also lose viewers. The move would be all around bad for business, and I think the WWE knows this!

Although I heavily knock this prediction, I will say that I wouldn’t ever rule the possibility out completely. It would not be the first time that the WWE has made a bad character decision, I just find it to be nearly impossible at this point.

TOTAL RECALL Remake: A Teaser…for a Teaser.

So as Hollywood proves how unoriginal it is, we continue to be spoon-fed reboots, remakes, sequels, prequels, and the lamest of all – reimaginings. And the worst part – they know we’re dumb enough to keep paying to see these things, so they’ll never stop. I admit, I’m the worst offender of all. I’m gonna watch the shit out of the new Total Recall, because I loved the old Total Recall.  The difference here is, while I love the original, I love it mostly because of Arnold. Now we are clearly devoid an Arnold. Can Colin Farrell make us forget about Schwarzenegger?

No, he can’t.

But he can try, and he won’ t be alone. Joining Mr. Farrell we have a pretty strong cast – Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, John Cho, Bill Nighy, Bokeem Woodbine, and Walter White Bryan Cranston. No Michael Ironside, but pretty strong none the less.

Now, we finally have some footage to go along with that cast list, and it comes to us in the form of a teaser…for the teaser. Yeah, that’s right – a 30 second preview for the trailer, which will air on TV durning the Heat/Celtics game on Game of Thrones Day this Sunday. Stupid, I know, but aside from some photos, this is all we’ve got so far.

Here is the Press Release…

 WORLD PREMIERE OF “TOTAL RECALL” TRAILER THIS SUNDAY

DURING CELTICS-HEAT GAME ON ABC

CULVER CITY, Calif., March 27, 2012 – Moviegoers will begin their Recall experience on Sunday, April 1, as Columbia Pictures debuts the trailer for the highly anticipated action thriller Total Recall during the NBA game between the Boston Celtics and the Miami Heat broadcast nationally on ABC, it was announced today by Marc Weinstock, president of Worldwide Marketing for Sony Pictures. Total Recall will be released in theaters nationwide on August 3, 2012

The world premiere of the Total Recall trailer will air during the first half of the game and will be promoted with tune-ins in the week leading up to the game.

Following the trailer’s premiere on ABC, a special extended trailer will debut online at http://www.apple.com/trailers.

The trailer will also launch simultaneously in over 30 countries on broadcast and online outlets.

Commenting on the announcement, Weinstock said, “We’re thrilled to be working with the NBA and ABC to give millions of fans all across the country this exciting first look at the trailer.”

Total Recall is an action thriller about reality and memory, inspired anew by the famous short story “We Can Remember It For You Wholesale” by Philip K. Dick. Welcome to Rekall, the company that can turn your dreams into real memories. For a factory worker named Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell), even though he’s got a beautiful wife (Kate Beckinsale) whom he loves, the mind-trip sounds like the perfect vacation from his frustrating life – real memories of life as a super-spy might be just what he needs. But when the procedure goes horribly wrong, Quaid becomes a hunted man. Finding himself on the run from the police – controlled by Chancellor Cohaagen (Bryan Cranston) – there is no one Quaid can trust, except possibly a rebel fighter (Jessica Biel) working for the head of the underground resistance (Bill Nighy). The line between fantasy and reality gets blurred and the fate of his world hangs in the balance as Quaid discovers his true identity, his true love, and his true fate. The film is directed by Len Wiseman. The screenplay is by Kurt Wimmer and Mark Bomback and the screen story is by Ronald Shusett & Dan O’Bannon and Jon Povill. The producers are Neal H. Moritz and Toby Jaffe.

And the synopsis teaches us that Bill Nighy is the new Quatto!!

Ok, but I know what you really want is this teaser, so behold…

Grizzly Review: Silent House

THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SPOILERS REGARDING THE CONCLUSION OF SILENT HOUSE

Memories and dreams have a fascinating way of surfacing themselves through what’s known as a “trigger”. For instance, it’s been proven that a person who has a panic attack is susceptible to have another one if put in the exact same geographical location of where the first one occurred, regardless of the emotions currently expressed in that place. I, myself, have had some experience with this, and it’s very odd to be in a place where something unpleasant has happened to you. Even though you’re no longer in any danger, you almost get the feeling that the place itself is going to attack you.

Silent House takes this premise, and essentially capitalizes on the fear that comes with remembrance. Sarah (Elizabeth Olsen), a beautiful girl in her early twenties, is moving out of her childhood home. With help from her father, John (Adam Trese), and her uncle Peter (Eric Sheffer Stevens), they plan to be out of the house as soon as possible. John and Peter take some pictures of a hole in the wall chewed out by rats, and after arguing with each other, Peter storms out angry.

After a few minutes, an old friend, Sophia (Julia Taylor Ross) comes by and catches up with Sarah who doesn’t even remember her. Her and Sophia make plans to hang out before she leaves, with Sarah agreeing. Before she creepily rides off, Sarah assures Sophia that she remembers her. Sophia simply says, “I know you do. How could you not?” and rides off. When she goes back in the house, she hears a loud bang, and her and her father go up to investigate. This, my good people, is where the madness begins.

If you’ve heard of Silent House, you’ve probably heard of the method they used to shoot it. One take. The whole movie is one take. Supposedly. Elizabeth Olsen herself has said that there are thirteen hidden edits in the film. I’m not sure if that means added visual effects in post, or what, but considering some of the lens changes in certain scenes, I doubt it was actually all filmed in one take. Still, Silent House succeeds due to its deliberate plotting, excellent tension, and incredible ending.

The whole film is, in fact, a metaphor for rape. This is where the spoilers come. The end of the film reveals that both Sarah’s father and uncle molested her as a child, taking pictures with a Polaroid camera. The reason I mentioned the use of the camera before was for this exact reason. During that scene, Sarah’s face is subtly uncomfortable. It’s not the most obvious thing in the world, but it’s there. In fact, every step, every shot, every turn, look, jump, and scream has a purpose.

I’ve been listening about how great Elizabeth Olsen is for almost an entire year, now, but this is the first time I’ve actually seen her in a movie. She completely exceeded my expectations and totally blew me away. If that girl doesn’t win an Oscar by the end of the 2010s, I might just lose my mind. Her portrayal of a mental breakdown through recollection is one of the best performances I’ve seen recently, and the amount of terror that is evident in her entire body makes up for the lack of any real scares in the actual film.

Silent House is more of a psychological thriller-mystery as opposed to just plain horror, which I actually appreciate. It’s more concerned with telling a story than actually scaring you. That’s not to say that it isn’t creepy, because it is. It really is, but screenwriter Laura Lau was much more fascinated with the psyche of a rape victim almost twenty years after the abuse. The character of Sarah could just as well have been the stereotypical dumb girl trapped in the house. Usually in these films, there’s an easy way out, but the protagonist is just too stupid to see it. This is not the case, because Sarah’s fear is not only genuine, but it’s also helpless enough for us to see that there really is no way out. She’s as stuck in the house as she’s going to get, raising the stakes as well as our heart rate.

But if there’s any other “character” in the film that brings almost as much emotion as Sarah, it’s cinematographer Igor Martinovic. The stunning and frankly breathtaking visuals of Silent House serve as a character on its own. The particular sequence that really got me was when Sarah escapes the house about halfway through the film, and she’s just sprinting for dear life from the place. I’ve never seen anything like that before and it really just blew me away.

There are many interpretations one can make from the film, but one of the more divided opinions is that of Sophia. Some say she was real, others claim she wasn’t. Personally, I think that Sophia serves as an alter-ego of sorts to Sarah who entered her mind when her father and uncle raped her, but I guess I can’t be sure. I’m almost tempted to go back and watch Silent House again to see if I can catch some of the little subtleties I may have missed.

The negative reviews are expected for an art-house flick with such a heavy subject, but in all honesty, I loved that Silent House worked strictly as metaphor. Nothing more, nothing less. Silent House is truly unlike any horror film I’ve seen recently, and for that, I’m very appreciative.  The obviously misleading ads are going to get the asses in the seats, but getting them to stay there will be quite difficult, which is disappointing considering how much American audiences crave something new. As a loose remake of the 2010 Spanish-language film The Silent House, this remake changes the premise up a little bit, and adds an art-house twist that makes it all the more inviting. But this is one front door you don’t want to walk in to.

4/5 Bears

The Walking Dead: Season 2, Episode 13: Beside the Dying Fire – FINALE REVIEW

The finale of Season 2 began awesomely, by showing us where the massive horde of walkers originated from, all the way back in Atlanta. The helicopter from the first episode was flying overhead (don’t know who it was yet), and the walkers were mindlessly following it. As the horde heard Carl’s gunshot from, they followed that, and unfortunately for Herschel’s farm, there were hundreds of them at that point. Rick and Carl were heading back toward the farmhouse after the Shane incident when they noticed the horde of walkers following them. At this point Rick’s quick thinking took them towards the barn, where he proceeded to light it on fire – killing/distracting the walkers. The Grimes Boys escape with help from Jimmy, who pulls the RV up to the barn so they can jump onto the roof, and then stops the thing. Why did he stop the RV after Rick and Carl were on it? I presume suicide. My favorite part of the beginning, though, is that Lori suddenly realizes that Carl is not in his room. This is a running joke, now, because Lori always loses her son. I doubt if Carl even has the room that he is always supposed to be in.

After the fiery barn escape, the whole group teams up to fend off the giant number of zombies attacking them, and they fail. Patricia gets eaten right in front of everyone, as Beth had to be pulled away from her screaming. Who is Patricia, you ask? Otis’s wife… but I Googled that. Why did she get attacked? Because she was a very unimportant filler character, and every time she spoke, everyone fell asleep. Boom.

Hershel being the total bad-ass he is, tried taking on all of the walkers himself. Eastwood style.