Having awoken from their spring break extravaganza at Lake Victoria, the swarm heads upstream where they look to make a meal out of Big Wet, a local water park where when it comes to fun, nobody does it wetter! Thought they came to get wet, get loaded and get some, the staff and patrons get more than they bargained for when they must face the fiercest, most bloodthirsty piranhas yet.
In 1994, Quentin Tarantino released a low-budget action pic, entitled Pulp Fiction. His second feature after Reservoir Dogs, this was the film that solidified Tarantino as the newest face of independent cinema. The most interesting part about it though, was besides including some of the best dialogue in a movie ever, as well as John Travolta’s career revitalizing role, the story is also told out-of-order. The movie is rather a series of connected vignettes as opposed to a linear story.
Yesterday the new trailer for the latest installment of Mission: Impossible movie franchise hit the net. Now my old mad, an avid fan of the original series, will tell you that the movies were terrible. I would argue that only the John Woo installment (M:I-2) was terrible…
I would say instead that the first movie was pretty decent (Emiliooooo) and the 3rd movie was awesome. It is said 3rd movie – aka “Phillip Seymour Hoffman makes Tom Cruise his bitch” – that give me hope for the 4th. J.J. Abrams directed the 3rd, and is producing the 4th. For those who don’t know, Abrams is the man behind the shows Alias, Lost, and Fringe, as well as the director of movies like Super 8 and my favorite movie of 2009 – Star Trek.
Well this new one, titled Mission: Impossibe – Ghost Protocol, sees Ethan (Cruise) with a new team. In the 3rd movie he was working with Maggie Q – Live Free or Die Hard, and The Tudors’Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Not sure yet if Luther – Ving Rhames will show up again. Early reports said he would, but he’s not in the trailer, nor listed on IMDb. This time around though, it appears that Ethan has a whole new team. Maggie, Jonathan, and Ving have been replaced by Paula Patton(Deja ‘Vu), and returning from the last movie, lab tech Benji – played by Simon Pegg(Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead, Star Trek)!!!
If there was anything that could put Piranha 3DD over the top for best worst movie ever, it would be this bit of news from IGN:
David Hasselhoff has been cast in the latest water-terror film, Piranha 3DD, Dimension Films has announced.
The action star/recording artist/author/pop-culture phenomenon joins a cast that already includes Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, Paul Scheer, Gary Busey, Katrina Bowden, Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush, Chris Zylka and David Koechner.
Piranha 3DD is set at a water park that becomes infested with the infamous flesh-eating fish. We don’t yet know what role The Hoff will play, but the film is set for release on November 23.
Man, I can’t wait to see who Hasselhoff plays in this movie. Perhaps an exterminator who specializes in destroying prehistoric piranha? Maybe a water park mogul? Hell I’d even be satisfied with a singer who is adored by the people of Germany at this point. Maybe we’ll even get to see him in a scene where he’s drunk and mowing down a big ol’ fish sandwich.
Either way, if that didn’t make you want to see this piece of cinematic art in the theater on day 1, then you are not a human and have no soul to speak of. However the picture below will most likely suck the living soul out of your body into the disgusting black hole that is the Hoff’s man thong.
Piranha 3D was a decent horror flick. (More like a comedy for me) It must have had a good budget because the special effects weren’t too bad and they had quite a few recognizable faces in it. You would probably call actors like Elizabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Richard Dreyfuss and Jerry O’Connell washed up actors but they are recognizable faces nonetheless. I can’t bring myself to put Christopher Lloyd in that same category because of my love for Back to the Future. According to Yahoo!, Lloyd, Rhames and ‘The League‘ star Paul Scheer will all be returning for the sequel.
So the next Pirhana flick will be called Piranha 3DD, and I really have no f–king idea what the extra D is for. A funny play on words perhaps, (the third piranha movie will be 3DDD?) or maybe a lot of the chicks in it will be sporting double D’s? I’m not sure. But maybe, just maybe the extra stands for: Gary Busey? I know that makes no sense but regardless he will be in Piranha 3DD.
Gary Busey as you may know is f–kin’ nuts. The Gary Busey Show was the last thing I saw him in and I couldn’t figure out if he needed to go into rehab or desperately needed a lobotomy. The show sucked and I hear now you can see his crazy ass on Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice. I’m glad Busey will be in this newest fish-fest because he will make it that much more hilarious. Speaking of hilarity, one of my favorite funny guys will be in the movie as well. David Koechner will be joining the Busey in combating (I hope) crazy hyper evolved piranhas. I don’t know what it is about Koechner but every time I see him in a movie I laugh instantly upon seeing him. I laugh even harder after the character he is playing speaks, the man just has a natural talent for it.
Also joining the 3D fray will be 30 Rock actress Katrina Bowden, who plays Cerie on the show. No word on if she was will play a level headed female lead character or one of the many beautiful party girls that become fish food like in the first Piranha.
After this installment I would imagine the franchise will move to the straight to DVD realm, unless Piranha 3DD somehow manages to churn up as much money as it’s predecessor.