WWE Monday Night Raw Review – April 19th 2011

Raw takes place in the good old UK tonight. Those WWE fans in London sure can make some noise. We start out with R Truth coming down to gloat that he has a title shot at Extreme Rules. And I would like to point out that the Brits certainly have it together since they collectively booed at the mention of his name.

Yeah, Sheamus no longer has that belt.

Anyways, R Truth talks about how happy he is and that he’ll take on anyone at anytime. He’d probably threaten to beat an opponent in a tennis match or in playing poker games online if someone were to challenge him, such is his overwhelming amount of confidence. Almost in response to that sentiment, John Morrison’s pretty boy face comes strolling to the ring. Over the course of a round of jokes about R Truth being out of shape, lucky and a smoker, Morrison convinces R Truth to face him in a match where the winner gets his spot at the match at Extreme Rules. The big controversy about R Truth’s fitness stems from him drinking some water between fights during last week’s gauntlet match.

The match itself wasn’t too bad, its everything we’ve seen with Morrison and Truth before. It was kind of annoying for a few minutes hearing the King and Cole feud storyline still carrying on during the match. I wish it was just JR and Lawler commentating, because Cole is past the point of being likeable. In the end Morrison wins the match, for once actually landing his Starship Pain move off the ropes. So now it will be Miz, Morrison and Cena at the pay per view. But not so fast: as Morrison is celebrating in the ring, R Truth attacks from behind and carries out an assault on Morrison that last for a long five minutes. Truth must not have taken the water bottle teasing very well because he smashes a plastic bottle full across Morrison’s face. Then to add insult to injury he lights up a cigarette in the arena and blows smoke in his face.

WASS UP!?

I wasn’t too shocked that Truth lost the match because neither him or Morrison will win the belt at Extreme Rules. However, when Truth turned heel on us I was pretty amazed. I had no problem with it because it adds a bit of change to the WWE which is desperately needed, but I need to know what you the reader thinks, so make sure to comment below so I can know!

The next match we are treated to is the stupidly smiling Evan Bourne vs the new and improved Dolph Ziggler. New and improved meaning short brown hair and a “new attitude”. Hopefully new attitude means he won’t lose as much, which he accomplished by beating Bourne. The match was short but sweet, with Ziggler narrowly missing an Airbourne attack and retaliating with a Zig Zag to pin Evan.

When we return from commercial there is a music video tribute to Edge who retired due to a spinal injury last week. Make sure to tune into Smackdown this Friday when Alberto Del Rio holds a retirement party for Edge. I’m sure it will be hilarious and I hope Edge shows up and gives Del Rio one last ass whooping.

Unfortunately when we return Alex Riley and The Miz are making their way ringside. It was supposed to be a Alex Riley and Sin Cara fighting but instead we have to hear Cole go on about Miz like he wants to have sex with him and the Miz complain about how he now has to fight both Cena and Morrison. I actually feel for the Brits at the arena live because as we get back from commercial, the Miz is still talking! I still can’t decide whether he looks more like a piranha or a monkey. I’m leaning towards monkey after watching him tonight.

Finally Sin Cara interrupts by coming, followed surprisingly by John Cena, much to the chagrin of about half of the arena. The general manager then announces that it will indeed be a tag team match between Sin Cara/Cena and The Miz/Alex Riley. The match is another excuse to showcase the talents of Sin Cara, but it’s still a decent match even though I think we’ve seen almost all of Cara’s arsenal. Him and Cena win the match after Riley proves how much ass he sucks.

Sin Cara ring entrance. What the shit?!

Now I’m not trying to be sexist or anything but the diva’s match that happens next isn’t very worthy of mentioning. It’s basically a rematch except it’s Eve Torres vs the other Bella twin. Key word here – twin. It’s basically the same match. Long story short, Eve wins and then is rudely cut off by Michael Cole who wants to carry on with his supposed knighting for the night. (See what I did there?)

Oh boy….

During this ridiculous farce and waste of our time, Michael Cole is knighted by a bogus Queen who he disgracefully smooches with. I’m not sure how much further this guy can fall into the ocean of garbage juice. After the knighting (should have been a beheading!) “ceremony” Michael proceeds to call everyone in the arena peasants and demands that JR and Lawler get in the ring to kiss his fungus covered foot. Lawler and Ross oblige getting in the ring with full intent to kick his ass instead of kiss his feet. Swagger of course takes out Lawler before getting JR in the ankle lock submission to force him to kiss Cole’s fungal foot. Once again we get to hear Cole threepeat everything he says. For example – “Kiss it JR, Kiss it! Kiss my foot JR! Come on JR, Come on! Come on JR!” Friggin’ weak sauce Cole!

Im sure everyone in the U.K. appreciated this one Cole…

I don’t know how everyone else feels but I’m sooooooooo sick of the whole Cole storyline. It ran its course months ago and we can only hope he is drafted to Smackdown next week so we don’t have to hear him on this show anymore. He might even be cool again on Smackdown if he is away from Lawler.

The next match comes as a payback of sorts. Santino is already in the ring until Sheamus enters and explains how Santino embarrassed him last time the WWE came to England and now it was his turn. I was expecting something ridiculous from the United States champion but he beat Santino the old-fashioned way, which was no surprise. I’m actually liking that they are having Santino actually put up a fight in his matches instead of just being a huge joke.

Look, FELLA!

Our next match is one that we have seen all too often. Not just at Wrestlemania but weeks after and weeks preceding it. Yes I speak of Randy Orton v.s. CM Punk. Now even though it is a match we’ve seen numerous times it was a pretty decent one. Just straight up, two guys competing for the win, and when Randy did win it was a clean one. The Viper managed to get out of a GTS and wrap Punk up into a small package pin for the three count. Then of course the New Nexus comes out to stomp Orton into oblivion. *Yawn* When will this shit end? After stopping a seemingly roid raging Mason Ryan from finishing Orton off with a punt to the head as payback, Punk decides to take a shot. But Orton snaps up real quick to RKO him and escape the ring. Still a win and a final F*** You to Punk and the Nexus. A decent end to an okay night of wrasslin’. And a big shout out to the fans over in England because they were fantastically energetic all night!

Now next week is a RAW that no fan will want to miss, because you know what is coming…. THE DRAFT! Hopefully this will shake things up for the better in the WWE and stamp out some stagnant storylines and they can entertain us anew for another year. Everyone please comment below, because we love your feedback! And I’m real anxious to hear what people’s predictions are for the draft which takes place next Monday at 9pm on USA! Join us here at the Grizzly Bomb for coverage on the draft right after!

Missed any other reviews? Here ya go!

RAW Review April 11th

RAW Review April 4th

Wrestlemania 27 – 2011

Worship at the Altar of Saban – Alabama’s Newest Monument

Just a friendly warning, you may want to throw a tarp down before you watch this video.

WWE Monday Night Raw Review – April 11th 2011

After what seemed like a long wait between Raws, tonight’s broadcast started off with John Cena’s moronic diatribe about how big his match against the Rock will be next year. Seriously John, I’ve already forgot about it because it’s a whole freakin’ year away, so let’s move on. And move on we do as Randy Orton enters the arena and gets in the ring, stating that someone who actually won their Wrestlemania match should get the next shot at the Miz. Orton is in turn interrupted by the idiotically named Prince of Parkour John Morrison. This guy is the last one I would want to see as a champion or even getting a title shot. Seriously, half the time he doesn’t even land his specialty move, but they just move on like nothing happened. This carries on for a few minutes as Dolph Zigler and R Truth both also come out to plead their case until the anonymous general manager computer chimes in. He or she states that a 5 man gauntlent match will determine who faces the Miz at Extreme Rules. (The next pay per view)

Before the commercial break we are told Edge has a big announcement, with rumors abound that his career is over. I kind of doubt it. Also we get to see Jack Swagger vs Lawler again, for the third time. If Lawler wins, he gets a piece of Michael Cole (again!) and if not he doesn’t. It would almost be worth seeing Lawler lose so the whole Michael Cole feud is over because I’m a little wore out from it.

When we return from commercial break there’s a strange promo with some crazy broad with an unseen face flicking the head off of a doll. Maybe it was Cole’s mom or something. Anyways, our first match in returning from commercial is Brie Bella vs Eve for the Divas Championship. Eve has the referee mark Brie’s hand so they can’t pull any of their switcheroo shit. Unfortunately through some distraction, Brie face plants Eve and pins her, effectively winning the Diva’s belt.

I’m not sure which one is Brie, but who cares right?

The next match is the Raw debut (first match) of new talent Sin Cara. It’s a refreshing change to see a new guy facing a jobber like Primo instead of all the usual guys fighting in the same matches week after week. And Sin Cara did not disappoint, because this guy has some crazy ass gravity defying moves going on. One didn’t work the first time but he nailed it the second try and it was so sweet it made you forget about the first one. I’m now eagerly awaiting Sheamus to attempt taking revenge.

After another commercial break we are treated to the Corre bickering with one another until Santino comes out with a group of superstars that he calls the Apple. Get it? Applecore? Yeah I can’t stand Santino either. Everyone in close proximity to him becomes as much of a joke as he is. Plus he looked completely fricking stoned, lord knows he has a terribly hard job being such a week to week turd. His group is made up of Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry and Evan Bourne. After a match that is already started before returning from commercial, we actually get to see Santino kind of wrestle against Heath Slater but unfortunately the horribly named Apple falls to the Corre. How ironic…. or stupid.

Even this guy’s action figure sucks at life…

After what seems like the twelfth commercial we are right into the Lawler-Swagger match. I don’t know what is going on for this episode of Raw but it seems like there are microphones placed all around the ring because we are treated to hearing the repeated droning of Michael Cole the entire match. And he repeats everything about four or five times. It was so annoying I had to mute the tv for the majority of the match. At the end in a gratifying moment, Jim Ross yanks Cole down from the ring apron and as Swagger goes to help him Lawler pins him for the three count. Lawler then makes his stipulation to Michael Cole, stating it will be a tag team match with Swagger whom Cole had just slapped for losing the match. So at Extreme Rules it will be Lawler and Swagger v.s. Cole and someone of his choice. Paint me not excited  either way.

And now to Edge. My previous assumption was completely wrong as Edge did indeed announce that he is retiring due to his injuries and advice from his doctors. Even though I was never a huge fan of Edge it is too bad to see him go. He was one of the most popular superstars around at this point and it will be interesting to see who is able to fill the void left by him. I salute Edge for his years he put into the WWE for the fans.

Without further adieu the 5 man gauntlent match begins. It starts off with Randy Orton and Dolph Zigler. Randy Orton seems to have it wrapped up but before he can execute his RKO, members of the New Nexus interfere and Orton loses with a quick pin from behind by Zigler. Orton is then beat down by the Nexus members and they once again prove how badass they are by beating someone three on one.

R Truth is the next contestant and he handily beats Zigler, so it’s bring on the next guy – John Morrison. It’s seeming more and more like we are going to see a Cena/Miz rematch unless Raw actually shows some originality. Not suprisingly, Morrison misses his lame Starship whatever move and R Truth takes him out and has to face John Cena. As the match progresses, I can’t really decide who I want to win. I’ve never been impressed with R Truth and his rapper persona, but I definitely don’t want to see a Cena/Miz rematch. I have to agree with Miz when he says that the people chanting “let’s go Cena” are pretty much five year olds and girls while the “Cena Sucks” chanters are everyone else with half a brain. As the match goes back and forth it appears Cena will win the Miz and Alex Reiley jump in and beat them both up resulting in a double disqualification. Miz did this because he didn’t appreciate the “you can’t see me” gesture directed at him. Afterwards the GM announces that the Extreme Rules pay per view championship match will now be a triple threat match between Cena, R Truth and Miz. I guess that’s better than another Cena and Miz crapfest. Let us know what you all think in the comments section!

NFL Draft: 11 Players to Look for in the 2011 Draft

The NFL draft, to most football fans is just a little event for their teams to restock the stables with fresh rookie talent, that will end up buried on their team’s depth charts just learning the ropes. Then, within a few years those fans will say: “Hey didn’t we draft that guy a couple of years back?” Not really caring where the talent came from, but just sitting back and enjoying the luxury of their team’s front office doing everything right and loading their teams with quality players. Ah, to be a fan of teams like that…

Well, I have no idea what that’s like because I’m a Detroit Lions fan, scratch that… Detroit Lions MEGA FAN!!! And over the past decade the NFL draft has become Lions fans Super Bowl, mainly because it always seems like we’re picking in the top 5, but also because it’s that time of year where that magical thing starts to creep into our heads, and that thing is called Hope.

Hope that next year will be better; maybe we’ll have a winning record, or even make the play-offs, or maybe even… oh sorry, I got lost in my own fantasy again.

Anyways, over the past decade I have really paid attention to who’s coming out of college that could help my beloved Lions reach the top of the mountain, only to sit by and watch them blow almost all our draft picks.

I always like trying to pick guys that the casual fan hasn’t really seen play, or sometimes even heard of. So without further ado – Here is my list of 11 players you should keep an eye on during this years NFL draft.

Casey Matthews LB (Oregon)

For 2010 Matthews was a 2^nd Team All-American, 1^st Team All-Pac 10, a semifinalist for the Butkus Award, and lead the Oregon Ducks in tackles for the 2010 season. He also had a very good showing in the National Championship Game and the Senior Bowl. Matthews is a very instinctive, tough linebacker with a high football I.Q., who isn’t quite as athletic as his older brother Clay, but is a very hard-working football player who brings with him the right mentality. Matthews will be most likely taken in the 3^rd or 4^th round of the draft and will be a very solid starter either on the inside (4-3 or 3-4) or at the strong side (4-3) position during his NFL career.

Mark Herzlich LB (Boston College)

I have two words for this guy, TACKLING MACHINE!! Herzlich has had a very impressive career at Boston College; in 2006 he was named to the Freshman All-American Team. He finished the 2007 season with 97 tackles and led his team in tackles for a loss, which surely got him national recognition for 2008 where he won the ACC Defensive Player of the Year, 1^st Team All-American, and a Butkus Award Finalist; He also had the most interceptions in the country for a linebacker that year with 6. After his Junior season he was considered a 1^st round draft pick if he would’ve entered the NFL draft, but Herzlich decided to stay for his Senior year where, in the off-season, he was diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma, which is a rare form of bone cancer. Herzlich had to have surgery on his left leg to remove a tumor from his femur where doctors inserted a metal rod to help repair his leg. After the surgery the doctors told him he would never run again, but after a long rehab and a season off from football Herzlich played his last season at Boston College where he started all 13 games, and finished third on the team with 65 tackles and 50 solo stops. He tied for first on the team with two forced fumbles, and was second on the team with four interceptions. He is the definition of tough, and its players like him that make me and probably most fans love the game of football. It will probably take him another season to get his speed back fully, but he is an extremely instinctive player with good range and good coverage skills, and he heavily relies on his best attribute, which is tackling. Herzlich has a 4^th to 6^th round grade on him but I hope he goes no later than the 3^rd round because this guy deserves it.

Marcus Cannon OT/OG (TCU)

Cannon is an absolute beast; this guy is 6-5 and weighs 358 lbs. He hang cleans 520 lbs. (A record at TCU) and he squats 720 lbs for 2 reps. He will be among the very strongest players in the NFL, not only is he strong, but he is also very athletic (for a guy his size) he ran the 40 in 5.2 sceonds and was very fluid in all of his drills he performed at his Pro Day. Cannon has been dominant as a starter at TCU as a Right Tackle for 2010 Cannon was a three-time All-Mountain West Conference selection, a 3^rd Team All-American in 2010, and anchored an offensive line that led TCU to single-season records in touchdowns (70) and points scored (520). Cannon was also instrumental in TCU tying for seventh nationally, allowing just 0.75 sacks per game. Cannon played Right Tackle at TCU but is projected to play either Right Tackle or one of the Guard positions. Cannon is a down right nasty run blocker and was great as a pass blocker at the college level, but a lot of NFL Analysts think that he doesn’t have the footwork to pan out as an elite Tackle at the NFL level (we’ll see). Cannon will most likely go in the 2^nd round, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he got picked up at the end of the 1^st.

Phil Taylor DT/NT (Baylor)

This guy is a load to handle on the inside, and he is a true Nose Tackle at 334 lbs. Taylor was very dominant against the “elite” Big 12 Offensive lines and he consistently beat double teams all season long. He has long arms, a huge frame, and is very strong which allows him to stack and shed his blocks, making him perfect for any 3-4 defenses looking for an anchor at the Nose Tackle position. Taylor earned 2^nd Team All-Big 12 for 2010, and had the most tackles by a Baylor interior lineman (62) since Ethan Kelley in 2002. Taylor ran the 40 in 5.18 and has a good amount of pass rush moves and athleticism which will help him at the next level. After the Combine and his Pro Day Taylor is projected to be a late 1^st or early 2^nd round draft pick this year, especially since there are a lot of teams running a 3-4 defense in today’s NFL.

Colin Kaepernick QB (Nevada)

Kaepernick is possibly the next Ben Roethlisberger. Their style of play is very similar; Kaepernick is 6-5 233 lbs, is very mobile and can throw with strength and accuracy down the field while in the pocket, or on the move. Kaepernick is also the only quarterback in college football history to have passed for over 10,000 yards and rushed for over 4,000 yards in a collegiate career, and also as the only QB to have passed for over 2,000 yards and rushed for over 1,000 yards in a single season three times in a career (consecutively).

Kaepernick is the type of Quarterback that on 3^rd and long can hit a receiver down field or run for the first down. He doesn’t have blazing speed, but he’s fast enough. His throwing accuracy is inconsistent and he has the instinct to run instead of stay in the pocket in some situations. Kaepernick is most likely a year or 2 away from being ready to start in the NFL, but when he does I think he will be a very good NFL Quarterback. Kaepernick is projected as a 2^nd-3^rd round draft pick, but I would not be surprised if a team reaches for him late in the 1^st round.

Kendall Hunter RB (Oklahoma State)

Hunter had a great Senior Bowl week and some considered him to be the best looking back overall. From his running ability to his blitz pickups, NFL analysts have made comparisons from Thurman Thomas to Maurice Jones-Drew. His stats are not that impressive over his career at Oklahoma State, but Hunter has a great understanding of his position and his assignments. His running ability is solid; he finds his gap and hits it hard while having good vision and cut back ability. Hunter is very impressive in picking up the blitz, at 5-7 200 lbs he is taking on much bigger and stronger players without fear or hesitation. Hunter is projected to go in the middle of the draft, but don’t be shocked if he was picked up in the late 2^nd round or early 3^rd round.

Brooks Reed DE/OLB (Arizona)

Reed is an explosive player that is versatile enough to play either a Defensive End in a 4-3 alignment, or an Outside Linebacker in a 3-4 alignment. He was named 1^st Team All-Pac 10 for his senior year at Arizona. A lot of teams have him at OLB in a 3-4 after his 4.65 40 time at the combine which was faster than 18 of the 24 linebackers there, but he’s still considered a “tweener” and could work as a DE in a 4-3. Reed has a lot of experience with his hand in the dirt starting for 3 years as a DE. He has a very powerful bull rush and a quality speed rush, which he will have to add to at the next level. He has a great work ethic, a high football I.Q. and he is relentless in pursuit. When he arrives to the ball carrier he does so with power and burst. Reed is projected to go in the 2^nd or 3^rd round due to his skill and versatility.

Jordan Cameron TE (USC)

Cameron has really improved his stock after the Combine and his Pro day. Cameron is an athletic freak and posted great numbers for a player his size. He is 6-5, 250 lbs. and ran the 40 in 4.53 while registering a 37 ½ inch vertical leap. Cameron didn’t put up impressive stats this past season, but he was very versatile for the Trojans. Cameron regularly split out from Tight End to a split receiver position resulting in a matchup problem for opposing defenses. Cameron moves extremely well for a TE, he catches the ball naturally and is very fluid in his route running. He also has the frame to only get bigger. Not to mention he also played for the USC basketball team, and we all know how teams like TE that where also basketball players. Cameron is projected to go anywhere from the 2^nd round to the 4^th round, but I believe he will be off the board sooner rather than later.

Davon House CB (New Mexico State)

At 6-1, 200 lbs and a 4.35 40 time at his Pro day what’s not to like? Add to that great ball-hawking skills with 11 career interceptions and setting a record at NMS in interception return yardage (319) and you got a solid NFL quality Corner Back. House also has the ability of being a very dangerous return man, which will only make him more valuable to teams in need of such a player. House has the ideal size and athleticism to be a starting CB at the next level, he is also very physical and aggressive in run support which is always a plus. House is projected to be a 2^nd to 4^th round draft pick and considering the demand for quality CB, I would say he goes late in the 2^nd round.

Stefen Wisniewski C/G (Penn State)

I just love Penn State, blue-collar, bring your lunch pail to work type players and that is exactly what Wisniewski is. Wisniewski made his first start during his freshman year at Penn State and has been a staple on the O-line ever since. A 1^st Team All-American, Wisniewski is known for not only his toughness but his outstanding technical skills at his position, and extremely high football I.Q. Wisniewski has a ton of experience at both the guard and center positions against top competition throughout his career. He is very instinctive and aware of picking up blitzes, he finishes his blocks, and he is very quick and mobile with a great work ethic. In my opinion he should be the first Center off the board in the draft. Wisniewski is projected to go in the 2^nd round.

Mason Foster LB (Washington)

Foster had a monster Senior year for the Huskies finishing the season with 162 tackles. Yeah, you read that right, 162 tackles in 13 games which comes out to 12.58 tackles per game. Take a minute to let it sink in…yeah it’s ridiculous. Anyways, Foster was named a 1^st Team All-American his Senior year and named to the All-Pac 10 team his Senior, Junior, and Sophomore year while also being named the Huskies team MVP in 2008. Foster is extremely instinctive and has good coverage skills to go along with his ability to dominate in run defense. This guy is the ideal Linebacker – He’s tough, he’s smart and he can play all 3 LB positions. If I had to pick just one player on this list who I thought was going to be a truly great player in the NFL, I would have to pick Foster. He not only has the experience and the skill, but he also has the right mentality and has a good head on his shoulders. I believe Foster will go in the 2^nd round to a team that desperately needs LB help (hint, hint DETROIT LIONS). Anyways aside from wishful thinking Foster has a 2^nd to 3^rd round grade for this year’s draft.

So that is my list, we’ll just have to watch the draft to see where these guys go. And then, God willing, there will be a season and maybe we’ll see them on the field.

WWE Monday Night Raw Review: Wrestlemania 27 Aftermath

Well here we stand, the night after Wrestlemania. Whether you loved it or hated it, there were good and bad things to come of it. One of the good things was evident right at the beginning of Raw with Jim Ross commentating alongside the King Jerry Lawler, as it should be. I’m not too sure if I could handle listening to the phony ass Michael Cole sitting in his glass box for another night. I can handle two commentators and one being a little biased towards one wrestler, but it should at least have some thought put into it. It shouldn’t just be Cole babbling in favor of a heel just because Lawler favors the opposite wrestler. Of course we shouldn’t expect not to see Cole anymore, because Ross brings up a rumor to Lawler of Cole being at Raw and supposedly wanting a match. Didn’t we suffer through that last night?

Probably the most decent match at Wrestlemania 27

The first person to come out and speak at the beginning of Raw was surprisingly not the Miz to gloat about another one of his assisted title defenses, but it was Triple H. He came out to speak about how unbelievable his match against the Undertaker was last night and even went so far as to thank the “Dead Man” for one of the best matches of his life. He also adds that when the Undertaker returns (he was carried out by stretcher last night) that he’ll be waiting. So does this mean that we will see another Undertaker injury hiatus? And that the next Wrestlemania will be Triple H and the Taker again?

 

Vintage Scum-Bag Cole

In the next segement we are unfortunately subjected to the moronic Michael Cole coming out to challenge Jerry Lawler to a rematch which Lawler happily agrees to and promptly enters the ring. I’m thinking, why do we have to see the same thing we saw at Wrestlemania last night? But then it turns out Cole is talking about Lawler having a rematch with Jack Swagger whom he fought last Raw. Wow… even better we get to see a freakin’ match from before Wrestlemania. Lame. The match goes on for a short time with Lawler getting the upper hand (he still has the moves!) until Cole interferes long enough for Swagger to get Lawler into the ankle lock submission hold to which Lawler taps out. But the call is reversed because Swagger won’t break the hold after the bell. This of course angers Cole who proceeds to spray JR with a bottle of barbeque sauce until Ross goes after him. I really really want Michael Cole to go away. Unfortunately he is back on the commentator scene when Raw resumes from commercial. From barbeque sauce to weak sauce.

“IN THE FACE!”

Thank God that his tirade about Ross ends as Randy Orton’s theme music blares throughout the arena, followed by the entrance of his tag team partner Rey Mysterio. They are set to wrestle in yet another rehash of their opponents from last night: CM Punk and Cody Rhodes. Yawn. Aside from it being the same matchups from last night, it is interesting to see Orton and his former Legacy underling Cody Rhodes going at it again. And I like the mismatched pairing of Orton and Mysterio, because they are polar opposites but both extremely talented in their own way. After a match lasting through two commercial breaks, Orton sets Rhodes up for a 619 from Mysterio which staggers him…straight into a waiting RKO from the Viper. Match over as CM Punk runs away from the ring.

A quick in between matches: Stone Cold Steve Austin is certainly in the building, congratulating a passing Triple H for one helluva match last night. Also there was a promo for the imminent arrival of luchador Sin Cara who was recently acquired by the WWE. It will be interesting indeed to see what he brings to the table.

“And so he did.”

As Raw returns we are welcomed back with Austin coming out to the ring. Unfortunately it doesn’t look like Austin will do any ass whooping as he brings out the cast of Tough Enough to the ring to make introductions. (Austin and Booker T are both on Tough Enough if you didn’t know) None of them really stood out to me except one. Maybe the guy with the afro, but that was just because he had an afro. The other one that stood out was Rima Fakih, obviously because she is super hot and a Michigan native where I hail from. I would absolutely be loving it if she was the next Diva. The Miz, the worst WWE champion since Sheamus, interrupts the whole thing with his butt buddy Alex Reiley. He proceeds to talk down to the Tough Enough kids and promptly challenging Austin to a match. Austin agrees as the ring clears out, but instead of Miz attacking A-Rei does. It was pretty satisfying to see Austin back in action to stomp Alex Reiley’s ass for a couple minutes. Afterwards Austin has a beer with the Tough Enough crew and throws a couple into Cole’s glass turd box to get him wet.

Rima Fakih – Former Miss USA

Even though I’m not a big fan of Alberto Del Rio, it is refreshing to see an original match as he faces off against Evan Bourne. Del Rio was curiously absent his car and usual grinning face as he came out for the match. It’s a typical Evan Bourne match where the little fella is outgunned by his almost always bigger opponent. He manages to execute one high flying maneuver but misses and ends getting put into the crossover submission. Chalk one up for Del Rio, but if he wants to get back on the road to credibility he needs to fight someone a little more formidable than Bourne. And also he needs to get a new car.

Del Rio in Full Spanish Soap Opera Mode

When we returned from a commercial break I nearly gagged on my water hearing Vicki Guerrero’s voice echoing throughout the arena. Apparently we get a matchup of Vicky and Dolph Zigler v.s. John Morrison and Trish Stratus. Almost the same matchup from Wrestlemania last night minus that strumpet Snooki. That should make me happy but I am nonetheless still completely uncaring about this matchup so I’ll keep it brief: Morrison and Stratus win and we all move on with our lives.

WARNING: VOMIT INDUCING

Next on the agenda is Sheamus, who’s match at Wrestlemania was not aired last night. So we are at least treated to a rematch for the United States Championship Belt, with Sheamus defending. I really couldn’t care less about Daniel Bryan. Everything about him is boring, from his look to his theme music. To me he is just not superstar material. Needless to say I was hoping for Sheamus to win and he did. I think he may have found his niche in the WWE with being the United States Champion, because he definitely wasn’t cutting it as WWE champion. Much like the Miz he never defended the title successfully without interference or douche-baggery. Perhaps they can somehow make the United States Championship a legitimate title, especially since the aforementioned Sin Cara came out to stop Sheamus from pummeling Daniel Bryan some more after the match. I believe Sin Cara can definitely bring a little more excitement to the WWE and what it is desperately suffering from a lack of… something different. His super high flying manuever from the top ropes onto Sheamus outside of the ring was definitely impressive. Radical man….

Look out Mysterio… There’s a new masked Mexican in town.

Now to the finale that they have been going on and on about the whole show. “John Cena calls out The Rock”. Lord knows they needed a whole segment for this nonsense of the predictable walking talking cliche John Cena to come out and spew his slang riddled rhetoric. Cena did his typical, “I lost and congrats to my opponent” bit before calling out the Rock, who obliges with a stroll out to the ring. The Rock goes on for a few minutes about Cena and Cena even brings up Rock’s terrible movie “The Tooth Fairy” before coming out with the obvious challenge. The Rock vs John Cena. Even though I hate Cena, it would be a great match if these two went toe to toe. It obviously won’t happen on this Raw and not even in a pay per view this year… they are talking about Wrestlemania 28 next year. I admit I will have forgotten about this in about a month. So someone please remind me about it every now and then, because I’m sure the WWE won’t bombard us with it nearly every week! But it doesn’t end here, the Corre of stupidity decides to run out and ruin the moment before Cena and Rock can shake on it. They have the upper hand at first but are of course pummeled by two of the biggest superstars in the business. Cena and Rock finally shake on it, setting an extremely early stage for next year’s Wrestlemania 28.

“OH HERE WE GO! Next year that is…”

WWE Wrestlemania 27 Review: The Year of the Snooki

Wrestlemania officially came and went tonight. It sometimes sizzled, but most times fizzled. I watched it with my brother tonight, getting that nostalgic feeling watching it at times. And yes… we both know and have known for a very long time that wrestling is indeed fake. However, this is a tradition we do try to keep every year and it was for the most part very entertaining. Certain wrestlers we thought would emerge victorious did not in several matches, especially in the first match that we will start with.

Championship Match: Alberto Del Rio V.S. Edge

Surprisingly the first match of the night was for the World Heavyweight Championship belt that is usually retained by the champion on Smackdown, which is currently held by the Rated R Superstar Edge. His challenger… this year’s Royal Rumble winner Alberto Del Rrrrrrrriiiioooooo! And yes, he is a rich Mexican themed wrestler who drives out to every match in a Rolls-Royce. But down to business…

I thought for sure Del Rio was going to come out on top for this one. This guy has been built up on Smackdown for months now and it all culminated with a shocking win in the Royal Rumble. I knew for sure he wasn’t going to challenge the WWE Champion from Raw, so it was a given it would be a Del Rio/Edge matchup at Wrestlemania. What I didn’t bank on was Del Rio losing to Edge. I’m not so sure this will be the end of their feud nor the end of Del Rio as a contender, but one thing is for sure – Del Rio looked like a whiny little bitch after the match while Edge beat the crap out of his Rolls-Royce with a crowbar. I don’t know about you guys but I’d be intervening ASAP on someone smashing a car that nice.

Overall this was a pretty entertaining match, with little interference by those outside the ring by Del Rio’s ring announcer Ricardo and the rotund Brodus Clay. Plenty of spears and arm breakers to go around. Winner: Edge

Cody Rhodes v.s. Rey Mysterio

In this match we were able to see the Rhodes/Mysterio feud come to a head. You see, the once Dashing Cody Rhodes has recently had to wear a face mask to protect his face from further damage after reconstructive surgery. He needed the surgery, he claims, due to the devastating 619 Mysterio gave to him months ago. Apparently Rey Mysterio’s knee brace added a little more power to the infamous move.

One interesting moment was before the match began as Mysterio entered the arena wearing a Captain America styled outfit. I can only say at least he took off the ridiculous red gloves before the match started. A valiant effort Rey, but maybe you should lay off the superhero them.

The match itself wasn’t overly long, but filled with all the high-flying maneuvers that Rey Mysterio is famous for. The match took a ridiculous turn when Cody’s mask was removed (Interestingly I didn’t see any sign of facial reconstruction.) and used by Rey to headbutt him several times. Then to top it off, Cody used Rey’s own knee brace to pummel him and then finish the match with the Crossroads. Sorry little Rey, but maybe you can get some revenge on Raw tonight. Winner: Cody Rhodes

 

 

The Corre V.S. Kane, Big Show, Santino and Kofi

This match was a bit useless and thankfully short. Though it had plenty of superstars I normally enjoy, any match where the walking joke Santino leads them to a win is enough to make me puke. After starting the match, it instantly gets out of control once Big Show gets in to start destroying Heath Slater. After Ezekiel gets in to take out Big Show there is a flurry of specialty moves occurring left and right. Santino then does his patented Cobra strike to Heath Slater and Big Show finishes him off with a ham sized fist to the face, winning the match with a pinfall. I think the match lasted all of six minutes, so thanks for the throwaway match WWE. And also please fire Santino. Winners: Kane, Big Show, Santino and Kofi Kingston.

Losers x4

Randy Orton V.S. CM Punk

Straight Edge Scumbag

Another match with no title hanging in the balance, only a possible end to another long running feud between two fan favorite superstars. After all the skull kicking CM Punk and his Nexus minions have received from Randy’s foot, tonight was the night to end it all hopefully. The match was nothing special, but well paced and ending in true Randy Orton style…. with a mid-air RKO to end the match. Again, I am very pleased with the absence of all the outside interference that ruins the pay per view matches. Now maybe Randy Orton can get back into the race for the WWE Championship that has eluded him these past months. I can’t tell anymore if people want to see Randy as a hero or villain (Face or Heel). Personally I want to see him back at his twisted sadistic self, but against someone other than John Cena. Winner: Randy Orton

Orton loves kicking skulls…

Jerry Lawler V.S. Michael Cole

“Uhhh Derrrr…”

I couldn’t wait for this match because I’ve been aching to see Michael Cole get a real good beating because quite frankly I can’t freakin’ stand him. Hearing him drone on with obvious bias to the villains in each match was bad enough but then before the match we had to hear him even more on his trek to the ring. At least Stone Cold Steve Austin busted out on a four-wheeler to shut the little weasel up for a bit.

After Lawler comes out and some prodding to get Cole in the ring the match finally starts with Jack Swagger in Cole’s corner and Steve Austin as the special referee. Cole gets a cheap shot in on Lawler and beats on him for a bit until Lawler finally gets ahold of him. Swagger actually tries to throw in the towel to call the match off which Stone Cold promptly uses to wipe off the sweat from his bald head before giving Mr. Swagger a Stone Cold Stunner. Lawler proceeds to whoop on Cole until he taps out from an ankle lock submission hold. Cue applause and Austin and Lawler enjoy a few beers together in the ring before the general manager sends and e-mail announcement that commentator Josh Matthews reads to the audience.

It turns out the still “anonymous” general manager of Raw thought that Austin interfered too much on Lawler’s behalf and disqualifies him making Cole the actual winner. This must have been hard to announce given the fact that Michael Cole recently called Matthews a “faggot” over twitter. To make matters even worse in a stunning move (pun intended) Lawler throws Matthews in the ring to get a Stunner from Austin. Talk about killing the messenger. Inexplicably, Austin’s Tough Enough partner in crime Booker T leaves the commentators table to join Austin and Lawler in celebrating by doing his famous break dancing in the middle of the ring. Then, in what I thought was the funniest part of the night, Booker T begins to drink a beer offered to him by Austin before he is also given a Stone Cold Stunner. A huge geyser of spit out beer and Booker T on the ground follows with Austin smiling and saying something to the effect of – “I had to do it.” Vintage Austin. Official Winner: Michael Cole

Undertaker V.S. Triple H

“Nice hammer….”

This was the match that I think everyone including myself were waiting for and it was by far the best match of the night. Sure there weren’t any titles on the line or even a career long feud between the two. Triple H was just the next obvious choice to attempt breaking the Undertaker’s unbeaten Wrestlemania streak which at this point stood at 18-0. To make it even better this was a no holds barred, no disqualifications or count out match and these two superstars definitely took it to the limit.

They broke the spanish commentators’ table of course. They used the steel steps and a nice folding chair. They both executed their specialty moves, with Triple H using at least two Pedigrees on the Taker. But pin after pin neither of these wrestling behemoths would yield. In the coolest moment of the match, Triple H gave the Undertaker his own move: the tombstone piledriver. To add insult to injury, Triple H even pinned the Undertaker as he himself would but shockingly the phenom kicked out of the pin. Triple H finally resorted to going beneath the ring for his patented tool the trusty sledgehammer to finish things but was surprised by being locked into the Taker’s submission move the Hell’s Gate. After what seemed like an eternity Triple H finally gave several weakened taps of the hand to signal his surrender and now the record still stands…. 19-0. I have to admit I thought that Triple H might win the match and end the Undertaker’s streak but now I think the WWE will let him retire with the record intact, maybe after win number 20. Winner: The Undertaker

 

 

Snooki, Trish Stratus and John Morrison V.S. Laycool and Dolph Zigler

“I can haz cheezburger?”

This is actually a match that I couldn’t give a dead moose’s last crap about, because I hate Jersey Shore and everyone involved in it. Especially Snooki. But I will definitely let you know who won so we can stop wasting time with it. Snooki, Stratus and John Morrison won the match after we had to see the horrendous Snooki do a front flip and expose her jelly rolls to all. Thank you for that WWE. Winners: Who cares.

 

Main Event: Cena V.S. Miz (Champion)

 

This match was very much like the Jericho/Triple H follow up to the Hulk Hogan/Rock match-up at Wrestlemania 18; it’s a tough act to follow up. Try as this match might, it could not live up to the Undertaker-Triple H match that took place earlier in the night. It came down to the same stuff we see Cena and Miz doing nearly every Monday night and it just bored me. I fully expected Cena to win and when he didn’t I suppose that was the only surprise to come of it. I hate Cena but I definitely hate the Miz more so I was actually pulling for Cena to come out on top. The short match actually had a couple of surprising twists. Cena destroys Miz outside of the ring, at one point hurting himself too resulting in their joint count out. The title then stays in Miz’s hands. But wait, the Rock who is the host of this Wrestlemania comes out and begins to read a new e-mail from the general manager before stopping and smashing the computer. Rock then declares that the match will restart with no disqualifications or count outs. The match commences and in annoying fashion the Rock interferes with a Rock Bottom for Cena. The Miz pins him and wins. But the Rock isn’t finished, because he proceeds to attack the Miz also and gives him the most electrifying move in sports! (The People’s Elbow.) So a very lackluster ending to Wrestlemania which left a sour taste in my mouth. I was glad to have The Rock back but what a stupid way to end the biggest wrestling event of the year. Boo! Winner: The Miz

 

Check out what happened the following night at RAW!!!